Positive attitude. Confidence. I will succeed! I can do it, I will succeed
Think about it, if you doubt yourself for some reason, how will anyone else believe in you?
It happens that we become our own worst enemies - in terms of faith and motivation to overcome obstacles and achieve our goals.
The truth is that it is you who determine whether you can or not.
The way we tune in is how we create such projections inside and outside ourselves.
The value we attribute to ourselves, events, others - this is exactly what we get from life.
Happy and successful is the one who has been instilled with the habit of “you can do it” and “you will succeed” since childhood (Jews, by the way, know these habits very well).
But be that as it may, any habit is created neural connections; if you stop following a habit, the connections weaken; following new habits, new neural connections are created, which means new projections in the body and life.
Now we are together, let's create and strengthen new neural connections, because winners do everything here and now - in the present, for real.
1. Maintain a high level of self-confidence.
This is the most The best way develop your inner core.
But it is not so easy, especially in harsh times of crisis, when it seems that the whole world is against you. Often it's simply a matter of taking on too much responsibility and feeling overwhelmed - think about it. If you do one big thing and you have no other worries, you feel like you can handle it. But what if you have twelve average tasks, not to mention the little things in life? It's about how you can stop getting in your own way, overcome mountains of stress and maintain self-confidence and motivation to take action.
At such moments:
- we remind ourselves and say words that fill us with a confident state of “I can do everything, I can do it, I believe in myself.” Even if something didn’t work out for you the first time, keep repeating it again and again,
- remember the moments of your courage and strength, remember your achievements,
- visualize future achievements, enter the state that you have already achieved it,
- feel supported and guided higher power, but you need to walk the path on your own so that your limitless potential is revealed even more.
2. I accept responsibility for everything that happens to me.
The only way to become self-confident is to know that the reasons for everything that happens to us are within us, and only we ourselves can change them. This simple and powerful attitude makes us free and independent of anyone, it moves us from the position of “victim” to the position of “creator” of our lives.
Repeat to yourself:
“If I create all the causes, then I can also eliminate them - I am the beginning and the end of everything that happens in my life.”
3. I accept and respect the person I have become.
Everything that happened cannot be changed, but your future can be changed.
To do this, accept everything as it is in the present:
- accept,
- forgive yourself and others,
- thank
- and wish everyone happiness.
You may have been different in the past, but today is today, and you need to decide who you are in the present, who you really want to be. Be proud of all your achievements, the lessons you have learned from your mistakes and victories, be proud of how many obstacles you have overcome along the way.
Realize now that looking back, you are still wiser than before.
You go through all life's obstacles, by and large, on your own. Someone helps with something, but you are 100% responsible for how you perceive your reality, what value you assign to it, how you allow it to influence you - what choices you make.
4. I remain honest with myself and sincerity with others.
Without honesty with ourselves, we cannot adequately perceive ourselves and life. Without honesty, all other keys do not work, remember this.
Neurophysiology scientists have proven that any lie is distorted information, which, through neural connections, triggers distortion in the body’s metabolic processes and in life situations.
Honesty is needed to understand life values, what we really want and what we strive for.
Be a real person first of all for yourself, because you already are in reality, and not for the sake of approval from others. Do the right thing even when no one is looking.
Why?
Because you are the only one who will know the truth. How can you believe in yourself if you know that you have been deceived or betrayed?
When you help others sincerely and give what you can, you raise your vibration and attract more high quality energy, improving your overall daily life.
Do good sincerely, from the heart, because it is right and you are a good person, you benefit a single organism - society, and you will satisfy all the necessary internal needs and receive all the necessary resources for your self-realization.
Watch For the way your mind sometimes avoids responsibility and honesty, do not associate it with yourself, just give yourself the following attitude:
“I choose to honestly follow Honor - in the name of the common good and the triumph of truth.”
5. I communicate respectfully and constructively with myself.
Just not out loud, so that no one thinks that you are going crazy.)))
The shortest way to the “I can do anything” attitude is self-talk and self-motivation. Don’t whisper under your breath “how can I do this”, “I don’t know how to do this”, “this is impossible”, “why should I do this”, “what if it doesn’t work out” - such thoughts will create blocks in your thinking , create a victim state, reduce the level of energy and motivation to overcome difficulties.
Instead, when stress occurs, take a constructive approach:
- what we have in the present
- what I sincerely want
- how to do it,
- what can I do right now?
Think positively:
"how best to settle everything"
“I’m glad that I have the opportunity to improve in this direction and gain new skills,”
“Pain helps me go beyond limitations, creates motivational energy, releases my strength, brings renewal.”
All the reasons for grumbling - like a virus, destroy your self-confidence and plunge you into depression, apathy, energy leakage occurs, chronic fatigue sets in, and then a bunch of health problems appear.
Concentrate your precious attention to:
- what are you grateful for,
- are you looking for reasons to be happy?
- do you give yourself and events maximum value,
- how you adjust yourself in different life situations.
*I want to Inspire you again and again,
that is, to breathe in new energy,
and you will inspire your surroundings by sharing this article in your in social networks, by simply pressing the button below.
Speak out During the 21st day, “I can do everything,” repeat with every action, and continue with pleasure to engage in current affairs that lead to your true Intention.
And you will see that you really are getting better and better.
Write your unique comment, what did you realize from this article and how do you inspire and motivate yourself?
With respect and care Alsey Volny and the Istochnik team.
HOW TO HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
1. The key phrases in a positive attitude are the phrases: “I can”; “I am worthy”; “I can do it”; “I can do it”; “I will do” or personal pronouns me, me, etc.
You need to create a state in which what you think or say during the mood will work 100%; a vivid memory of any of your past successes can help here. Just like when writing affirmations, take responsibility only for your actions. For example, the attitude “My son will definitely pass the exam with flying colors” is wrong. You cannot be responsible for another person's behavior or answer on the exam. It would be more correct to say: “I will do everything that depends on me so that my son gets an excellent result in the exam” and apply it before classes with his son.
2. Since a positive attitude is evidence of self-confidence, do not include in your attitude the words perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, indicating your doubts and uncertainty about the desired result.
Use a positive attitude before an important event: an important meeting, presentation, speech at a seminar, encouraging yourself: I can do this, I can do it. A large representative of a well-known MLM company came to one of our leadership programs and told us the following story: “From our city, planes fly either to Moscow or Kyiv. There were no planes at the right time, and according to my schedule I did not have time to arrive in Kharkov. But in the morning I was determined that everything would be fine, and said: “I can get to the seminar on time!” And suddenly they call me from the airport and say: “You asked for a ticket to Kyiv, but we have a plane to Kharkov.” I was surprised: “They told me that there are no direct flights to Kharkov.” - “Yes, but today there is.” I never thought that planes would fly where I want and when I want. They even called me at home. And here I am with you, I have arrived.”
3. Here’s another secret to composing phrases with a positive attitude: include elements of that personal quality, which you are missing.
1) For example, when selling, people often lack inner confidence in themselves and in the company’s product. A positive attitude before a sale will sound something like this: “I can easily and comfortably sell a client a product worth $50.”
2) Inability to speak coherently, internal anxiety before public speaking, lack of activity interfere with the presentation. The mood before the speech will be like this: I calmly and confidently give a presentation to 20 people and earn 70 USD.
3) Invitation to business: in this situation, the main obstacle is the reluctance and inability to find out the needs of the person you are talking to. The mood before the invitation will sound like this: I can find out in a conversation what a person dreams of, and I will make him an offer that he cannot refuse.
4) Meeting with a client (with loved ones) becomes a test for a nervous person. Tune in this way: I can listen carefully and calmly to the client (loved one) and help him solve his problem.
WHAT IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE?
In the previous chapter, we learned about the secrets of creating and using affirmations. We can say that affirmations are work for a successful (planned) result, which stretches over time. But there are situations when a positive result is needed not in a few months, but in a few minutes - in this case, you can use a positive attitude. To understand the difference between affirmations and attitude, imagine two students who came to the exam: one worked hard throughout the semester, completed assignments every day, read literature on the topic, took notes, but he lacks confidence in his abilities. The second one literally opened the textbook the day before, but ran to the exam with firm confidence: I will pass! Of course, ideally, it would be great if the student combined these two methods of preparation: studied all semester, and then had a positive attitude before the exam. The same can be recommended not only to students, but also to businessmen, company employees, and simply people who are working on themselves.
A positive attitude is a short-term inner attitude or belief that I can do it, I can do it. The key phrases in such thinking are: “I can”, “I can do it”, and the motto of life for people with a positive attitude is the slogan “If not me, then who?”
A positive attitude helps to develop such qualities and skills as efficiency, activity, determination, self-confidence and similar ones, which are so necessary in business. This technique is suitable for both those who need to become more effective and those who already have efficiency in order to learn how to manage it and in the future pass on their knowledge and skills to loved ones and employees.
The benefits of a positive attitude are:
- acts quickly,
- you need to tune in immediately before the event, the results of which you are worried about, long work with the subconscious in this case it is not necessary,
- attitude helps you believe in yourself,
- become more decisive and active, productive and quickly achieve your goals,
- with the help of a positive attitude, you can not only increase or decrease some quality of yours, but also learn to manage it. For example, self-confidence when communicating with a loved one and the ability to say “no”: I can say “no” to my daughter. I can, before refusing a person, offer him two options to choose from. I will be able to listen to my daughter’s arguments, and only then refuse, if that’s what I want.
But if you believe in omens, this can also be used to create your own positive attitude - but with one condition: ALL SIGNS FOR A POSITIVE THINKING PERSON PORTEN ONLY GOOD!
A positive-minded person associates even such unconnected concepts as rain and the result of his work in a network business with “benefit for himself.” “If it rains today, then I will succeed. If the rain is heavy, it will turn out even more than planned.” In this case, the logical connection does not matter, the main thing is the mood. If you broke a plate - fortunately, if you got your clothes dirty on the street - this means money; if you get very dirty - this means big money.
One of the Center’s business trainers was in a hurry to meet with the participants, but on the way he was heavily sprayed by a car on the street. “This means big money,” he decided to himself. And indeed, several times more people came to the training than he expected, and accordingly, his earnings were also greater.
But we know that any phenomenon always has “the other side of the coin” - remember the grandmothers and their “talent” of negative beliefs - affirmations. In the same way, along with positive attitudes, there are also positive signs and negative signs. They were invented by pessimists! Broke a mirror - unfortunately for some, for a wedding for others. Broke a plate - this happiness is knocking on the house or troubles threaten on the personal front. So the event itself, the same rain, is already happening or has happened, but the cause-and-effect relationship with this event is established by everyone based on his picture of the world: for pessimists - everything portends problems, for optimists - any event, even an unpleasant one, - to money or profit.
Set yourself up to the fact that the task facing you will be resolved in the best possible way, and success will come to you (or you to it)!
THE BEAUTY OF A PERSON IS SELF-CONFIDENCE AND A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!
We all want to be beautiful, attractive, to please ourselves and others. But how can this be achieved? And what exactly is human beauty?
What is it – the ability to dress stylishly and fashionably? And this too, but not only. Maybe this is a beautiful haircut?
I think this may very well decorate you, but there is something else. Then maybe it’s an athletic, fit figure and a healthy look - yes, in many ways it is, but it seems to me that we are missing out on several essential moments of beauty!
It is very important to monitor your figure, take care of your health and generally lead a healthy lifestyle, and then you will look great - this, of course, is undeniable. And the ability to dress correctly and wisely select clothes for yourself that adorn you and reveal your beauty, your essence is a very important skill and one of important steps on the way to attractiveness. Yes, a good, well-chosen haircut can rejuvenate you and give you a complete look, or radically change your image.
But I would like to draw your attention to several significant points, without which beautiful clothes and a luxurious hairstyle can fade, and you will not look attractive enough, not as good as you could.
Self-confidence is one of the key points! Even in fairly simple clothes, you will look very good if you exude confidence in yourself, in your beauty and strength, in your attractiveness.
And in stylish clothes, with thoughtful accessories, with an expressive look and a beautiful haircut, you will be irresistible.
But it is in this sequence - self-confidence - fashionable clothes. Some people were naturally gifted with more, some less, in terms of external data, but some knew how to present themselves, they are confident in their attractiveness, and this confidence is passed on to others! Such people invariably delight and amaze men and colleagues, causing delight and a desire to imitate them. If you look carefully at famous actors and singers, you can understand that not all of them have an ideal appearance, an ideal figure and impeccable facial features. Their self-presentation, their demeanor, their self-confidence make us consider them standards of beauty, making them irresistible.
GAIT AND POSTURE. I think that our gait, our posture depends not only on our general physical fitness, but also on our self-confidence. People with an easy, confident gait, a straight back, and the ability to hold themselves, in the literal sense of the word, look much more attractive. Such a person seems to be proud of his body and confidently, beautifully, proudly “carries himself.” I have seen quite naturally attractive women and men who hunch over, do not walk, but drag themselves through life, and as soon as they get to any seat, they go limp in it, like a wet sack. Quite a sad sight. Such people smell a mile away of uncertainty, fatigue, sadness and old age. But old age is, first of all, a state of mind, your dislike for life and yourself, when nothing pleases or inspires you.
Carry yourself through life easily and cheerfully, confidently and beautifully. Train yourself to hold your back, to hold yourself, not to fall apart, but to be collected, but at the same time light and beautiful, confident and attractive!
SMILE. Nothing is more beautiful than a sincere, radiant smile, flirtatious, light or wide, childishly open. A smile transforms your appearance better side, sometimes very strongly. A smile is contagious and attractive, you give light and warmth, and people are drawn to this light, it warms, makes you happy, and lifts your spirits. I had many cases that convinced me of the amazing effect of smiles, but here is one of them that I especially remember. I stood at the bus stop and waited for the bus, I was in a hurry, I was nervous that I was late, on top of everything else it was quite chilly, and the longer I stood there, the more I froze. Well, that’s probably why I looked dissatisfied and gloomy. A man passed by and said to me: “Young man, smile, you are so interesting, and a smile must suit you very well!” I felt very pleased, and I smiled completely sincerely at this dear passerby. He smiled back at me and said: “Well, that’s what I thought!” Smile more often – you feel better with a smile, it makes you look great!” Well, since those around you think so, then it’s definitely worth taking note of!
LOVE OF LIFE AND LIGHTNESS. It’s not only a smile that makes us attractive and attracts people to us, but also a generally joyful, positive attitude in life. You could well see for yourself that positive people, people leading an active lifestyle, cheerful and cheerful in life, attract everyone’s attention, because you want to be around such people, they charge us with energy, it’s fun to be with them, and life is seen in the most bright and clean colors. And if you yourself are such a person, then people will be drawn to you, and you will become much more attractive and attractive!
People who lead an active, interesting, eventful lifestyle have no time to be sad. There is a sparkle in their eyes, they are full of energy, full of excitement, full of ideas, it is very interesting to be with them, they are alive, natural - and they are attractive!
WORK ON YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE, LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE, GIVE THIS WORLD LIGHT, WARMTH, SMILES AND BE ATTRACTIVE!
“...his doubts did not cease at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation...”
` Hermann Hesse - The Glass Bead Game
I very often receive questions from readers of this kind: “I want to start my own business / create my own blog / get rid of depression and panic attacks, but I’m scared and anxious, I doubt that I will succeed. How can I stop doubting so I can start taking action?”
The short answer to this question (very often) will be:
"NO WAY!"
Yes, you read that right! Doubts are very large quantities cases cannot be eliminated. Most likely, this is not the answer you wanted to hear.
What you most likely wanted was for me to look into the magic ball, see your future and dispel all your doubts, assuring you that all your wishes will 100% come true!
Yes, that's what you want.
But this is not what you need!
I don't give magic advice. Don't come to me for them. I'm not a fortune teller.
And in general, the desire to completely get rid of doubt, no matter how paradoxical it may sound, very often underlies the biggest failures in life.
Most people never achieve success in life for one simple reason:
You wait and wait for the doubts to pass, and still don’t decide on anything. Why? Because waiting for this to happen is the same as hoping that the tide will not be followed by a low tide or that the water will not turn into ice in the freezer.
Doubts are as much a part of human nature as changes in the state of aggregation of a liquid depending on temperature are part of the nature of the environment.
So why shouldn't we strive to get rid of doubts?
It's okay to have doubts!
Show me a person who never doubts anything. To whom it seems that he clearly sees the future and knows in advance how his fate will turn out. For whom everything in life is finally defined and outlined. For whom the course of reality is completely predictable, devoid of unexpected turns.
"Unhappy! Or a psychopath!- you will say and you will be right.
Nobody can see the future!
We are human and are forced to live in a state of uncertainty and the unknown. And in this lies not only our suffering, but also our happiness! After all, life, with its inexorable unpredictability, brings down on us not only troubles, but also sudden joys.
Birth of a child. Sudden recovery from a long illness. New acquaintance. A chance but fateful meeting. Lucky win.
And who among you doesn’t like surprises? =)
And doubts are a reflection in human consciousness of the objective properties of the surrounding world, that is, its uncertainty.
Of course, you can create a picture of a world in which everything is defined and known. A world in which you can be one hundred percent sure of everything. You can also populate this imaginary world with pink elephants and cotton candy hanging from tree branches. In summer. And in winter it is instead of snow.
Why not?
But in this case, you will need to prepare for the fact that this fake cozy little world will be shattered into smithereens by an unpredictable and changeable reality.
Instead of pink cotton candy, you will find white snow. Best case scenario. At worst - wet, sticky and dirty turd that lies in Moscow instead of snow.
But that’s exactly what snow is like in Moscow! Wet and dirty. Whether you like it or not.
And the world is just like that, changeable and uncertain. Whether you like it or not.
It turns out that doubting is not only normal, but also honest. I don't know how things will turn out in the future. And I am directly aware of this. I'm honest with myself - that's why I doubt it.
Yes, my expectations may not be met. Failure may await me, and perhaps complete failure.
But success can also await me. And happiness, and good health, and big money, and fame and everything that the human heart so desires!
And there is only one way to check how everything will turn out.
It's to stop being led by doubt and start fucking taking action! Continue to doubt and only act!
That's the trick. Thanks to which the most successful people you know became so successful.
(In this article I will use the term “success”. By success I mean not only financial success (although that too), but also any realization of life goals: getting rid of an illness, finding close relationships, achieving enlightenment, and so on. Let's say Buddha and Mahatma Gandhi were successful, from this point of view)
Doubts do not interfere with action
I invite you right now to do my favorite mental exercise from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which very well illustrates the connection between thoughts and actions, or rather, the lack of such an obvious connection between the two that is usually attributed to these things.
Read the instructions first, and then do it yourself.
Close your eyes.
And start thinking to yourself: “I can’t raise my hand! I can't raise my hand! I can't raise my hand"
Repeat this phrase in your mind for several seconds in a circle.
And now. Raise your hand! While continuing to think: “I can’t raise my hand!”
Amazing, isn't it?
After all, there was no difficulty in raising your limb to the sky or the ceiling =)
What can be concluded here?
And such that we attach very great importance to our thoughts. It seems to us that in order to do and implement something, our head must be filled with certain thoughts. And no others!
Otherwise nothing will work.
It's a bullshit!
A thought is just a piece of information that our mind generates. A set of words. A text flashing through your mind. Running line in my head.
The bus may say: “goes to Teatralnaya metro station”, and the bus itself goes straight to Bibirevo!
Also your mind may tell you: “You can't handle it! You're a loser! You won’t succeed!”
And you can, right along with this ticking line in your head, stubbornly move towards your Golden Eldorado.
Or to your Golden Bibirevo, which is also not bad, depending on what your goals are.
If I talk about myself, I constantly doubt myself and everything in general. It seems to me that only stubborn fanatics have no doubts.
When I started creating my website, I thought: “What if it doesn’t work out?”, “What if no one reads the site?”
When I monetized it, my mind told me: “What if it doesn’t work out? What if you won’t be able to provide for and feed your family while doing what you love?”
When I released my first “Don’t Panic” course, my mind threw up new food for doubt: “What if you can’t cope with such a task? What if no one is interested in the course?”
In the end, none of these doubts, fortunately, came true! I acted despite my doubts. I doubted it and did it anyway.
No, of course, I don’t mean that I always ignore these messages, sending them to the internal “spam” folder.
Sometimes I listen to doubts. If my mind tells me: “It’s better not to get into this taxi, the driver clearly smells of fumes, what if you get into an accident?”, I'd rather listen to him.
It all depends on the situation. Often doubts help me make the right decisions.
And in a situation where my mind tells me: “What if you don’t succeed?”, this becomes more of a signal for me to curb my arrogance, to treat the matter more carefully than to simply capitulate:
“We need to double check this, this and that before we continue!”
Sometimes I can engage in a dialogue with my mind, start asking it “Socratic questions”: “What evidence is there that I won’t succeed? Why did you even decide that?”
This also works sometimes. In some cases, doubts can really be resolved with such a dispassionate analysis. Direct a life-giving breath of common sense onto them, and they “fall off” like a dry leaf from a branch.
But, unfortunately, this does not always work. Why?
Because very often our so-called “common sense” is subordinated to momentary anxiety.
And attempts to convince yourself in these moments that “everything will work out” are very often doomed to failure!
American psychotherapist David Carbonell describes such a curious phenomenon characteristic of people with anxiety disorder and. But I believe that this can be applied, to one degree or another, to all people.
People with increased anxiety tend to exaggerate the danger:
“The plane I’m flying on is going to crash!”
“What if I get into an accident!”
“What if the roof gives way and falls on me?”
And now, imagine, you are torn apart by all these fears. You turn to your friends for support.
They say: "Do not worry everything will be fine!". Although it is known that “don’t worry” is the most meaningless advice in the world!
You think: “How do they know everything will be okay? I’ll go to a psychotherapist, he will definitely help me!”
And the psychotherapist says: “These are irrational attitudes. You exaggerate the danger and catastrophize. In reality, the chance of crashing on a plane is one in ten million!”
But you are not satisfied with this either. You want to have 100% confidence that nothing will happen to you! That your worries will definitely never come true.
And this is where the trap slams shut.
Because in theory, anything can happen! Your plane could theoretically crash. In this case, fall on the roof and be covered with its debris. And if the roof belonged to a large garage or car dealership, then you also have a car accident!
Anything is possible. Death of oneself, death of relatives, terrible illness, disaster.
But the good news is that this probability is not that great (although the probability of dying within a hundred years tends to 100%). Just momentary anxiety elevates this probability to the level of almost one hundred percent catastrophe!
Of course, this does not mean that I live every day with a gloomy thought: “I could die at any second!”
(Although sometimes thoughts about death still stimulate me to waste less time on all sorts of nonsense, including meaningless worries about death: “Why waste this finite life on anxiety? We need to live!”)
On a simple everyday level, I, of course, believe that everything will be fine with me. As every person believes. I'm buying plane tickets to Moscow because I have an exam soon. I’m preparing hard for it, but I’m not thinking: “What if my plane doesn’t make it?”
But in moments of anxiety, our mind is not satisfied with this worldly faith. He wants a 100% theoretical probability of success:
“Nothing will happen to me. I will not die. Never ever. In life!"
And since there is a theoretical probability of anything...
And if our mind, during times of anxiety, always focuses on the negative side of life, on the catastrophe...
This means that attempts at such moments to convince yourself that “everything will be fine” often turn out to be untenable.
And, as I wrote, this can be attributed not only to anxiety disorder.
Many people never dare to start anything because of their doubts. They are ready to take action only when they have absolute confidence in success. And no doubt!
But no one and nothing can provide them with this confidence due to objective reasons.
That's why most people continue to work in jobs they don't like. Stick to a hopeless relationship (“What if the new ones don’t work?”), suffer from depression and anxiety ( “What if this doesn’t help me?”).
And not because they doubt!
But because their doubts are the final reality for them and a barrier that they cannot cross!
After all, successful people doubt too! They are not sorcerers, not soothsayers. They cannot know the future. But their difference from the majority is that they can embrace the unknown, give space inside for a feeling of uncertainty and at the same time act, take calculated risks.
This is not identical to dashing recklessness, stubborn, blind movement through the windfalls of life.
Yes, doubt can protect us from the dangers of impulsive decisions. But they can also provoke inertia and stop development if we obey them.
Very often the purpose of doubt is simply to free us from the need for any movement, so that we hang out in our comfort zone for as long as possible.
This, again, is natural. Man by nature is an inert and lazy creature who is afraid of change. Who is ready to put up with any discomfort, just not to venture into the unknown. The illusion of “stability” and “certainty” is much more important for him than many other things, even those associated with new opportunities and attractive prospects.
(I say illusion because, in fact, there is no certainty)
His dreams turn out to be unrealized, plans unfulfilled, desires buried.
The comfort zone eventually turns into a discomfort zone!
There is nothing wrong with the need to stay in the (dis)comfort zone. It's just a life choice for most people.
It’s just that this choice has both pros and cons. And everyone decides what is more important to him, what he is willing to sacrifice and for what.
In order to understand what is more important to you, ask yourself, what will happen if I follow these doubts, submit to them? What could my life become then?
“What will happen if I continue to work at this terrible job because I’m afraid to start something of my own?”
“What happens if I don’t start fighting depression because I doubt that anything can help me?”
“What will happen if I continue to cling to my old relationship?”
Undoubtedly, one can highlight the advantages of staying in the “comfort zone” and not leaving it.
The advantages include, for example, the illusion of certainty described above. Feeling of stability. It’s as if you’re not even risking anything (only your future happiness - what a trifle! This can always be neglected, right?). There will be no need to make difficult, responsible decisions, but simply continue to go with the flow.
Don't try to throw them away. Don't try to tear out a part of yourself.
And move forward TOGETHER with fear. ALONG with anxiety. TOGETHER with doubts!
Recently a girl wrote to me on social networks: “Larissa, help me! I have terrible self-doubts. In any task, thoughts appear: “I’m not worthy, I can’t, I won’t succeed.” I'm always on the sidelines. I'm afraid to set big goals. I'm afraid to say something, to speak. It’s always important to me what people say, what they think. I am waiting for an assessment and am afraid of criticism from the outside. Very tired!".
I was very interested in this message, and I decided to meet this girl. And today before you is another way to change your life - but not in the usual format, but in the format of our conversation with Tonya.
Here are a few pieces from our long conversation, in which we talked about the structure of the world, good and evil, the principles of the Universe and, of course, about self-doubt and the main rules of those who achieve something.
Larisa, I'm afraid to start any projects. It seems to me that I won’t succeed! I'm constantly biting myself. You look so confident, how do you do it?
Tonya, the key word here is “Look”: all people doubt themselves. I haven't met anyone successful person, who would not doubt himself. In the book "The Big Eight" I read about Nicole Kidman. She - momentarily an Oscar winner - says: “Every time I act in a leading role, it seems to me that I don’t know how to act at all. I make a list of actresses who are better than me and sometimes try to convince the director to cast them.”
The unsurpassed golfer Tiger Woods also said that before each competition the Poop Man comes to him and sows confusion of doubts. Tiger says that there is only one phrase that saves him, which he repeats constantly: “Pull yourself together, Tiger. You've done this a thousand times already."
When I run new project, inner voice tells me: “Nothing will work out. Everything will be bad." I want, like Sadness from the cartoon “Puzzle,” to fall face down on the floor and lie there. When I was preparing for a TEDx talk and saw the list of speakers, I thought: “Boss, everything is gone. I'm worse than all of them."
It seems to me that I also have only two modes: the “Genius” mode and the “I’m a nonentity” mode. And they switch quickly and chaotically.
- Well, how do you cope with this fear and begin to act?
I'm always motivated by two things. First, I imagine a scale. On one side of the scale lie self-doubt, critics' opinions, and fears. And on the other - my realization, my health, my happiness.
And then I realize that the stakes are high. There are only two options: either rot or burn.
Or I will be afraid of criticism and do nothing, and in the end I will become an unfulfilled angry old woman who will sit at the entrance and shout towards the youth “Drug addict! A prostitute!"; an old woman who is consumed by bitterness because she spent her life so mediocrely and never did anything that could be written about in her memoirs.
Either I will burn: do something, suffer defeats, experience ups, get high from victories, cry from failures, fight, worry, try, get burned and become stronger. And then at the end of my life, perhaps, a slightly “knocked-out” granny in my person will say with a laugh: “That’s what I did!” This is life, this is life! Listen, Spielberg, let’s go make a movie about me!”
There is no third. If you don't burn, it means you're rotting. In general, I imagine this scale, and then I say: “Fuck them all!” I will do what I want."
I've been following you for two years now and it seems like you only have successful projects. How to make sure everything works out?
No way. Here again the key word is “It seems.” Of the 10 projects that I launched in the last three years, 7 failed, and only 3 succeeded. And so it is for everyone! It’s just that few people talk about failed projects. I recently read about one of the largest online platforms, Amazon, and how they introduced new options. Most of their innovations failed.
The researchers found that the scientists who made the most breakthrough discoveries also had the most failed experiments. Another study from the same series about basketball player Michael Jordan: he was in first place both in the number of goals scored and in the number of misses. “Quantity always turns into quality,” this thought moves me.
Making experiments, even failed ones, is a lot of fun! It is not the result that is important, but the path itself. If you are attached only to the result, you can become unhappy.
- Cool! When you have doubts, do you say any words to yourself?
I came up with a thing for myself called “Red sheet in case of self-doubt.” So, I took a red sticky note and wrote 5 things on it that I remind myself of. It says something like this:
- I am doing this project out of a higher love, not out of fear.
- This is the best I can do now.
- If I don't do this, I will regret it.
- This will bring me new experience. In the end, every new failure brings me closer to victory.
- It's FUN! FUN! FUN!
I also advise you, before starting a project, to write yourself a list of why you can’t stop and why you need to do it.
- What advice would you give to someone who doesn't believe in themselves?
One piece of advice: do something because the laws of physics absolutely don’t care about your sense of self. It doesn't matter whether you believe in the law of gravity or not, but if you step out of a sixth floor window, you will fly down. Even if at the same time you pray, visualize and repeat affirmations to fly upward. It’s the same in any business: if you draw a lot, you will learn to draw well, and it doesn’t matter whether you believe in yourself or not.
As Van Gogh said: “If you hear a voice inside yourself telling you: “You are not an artist,” do not listen to it. Write with even greater dedication and that voice will subside.”
My self-doubt is reaching the point of insanity. I rent an apartment and live with a neighbor. She often raises her voice at me, but I can’t say anything to her...
I understand you well. She was like that herself. I call this “passivity,” or the state of a victim, when you cannot stand up for yourself. In the book “Conversations with God” there was a good phrase on this subject: “The best thing for you in situations where you are insulted is to stop the one who insults you. And it will be better for both - both you and your offender. After all, even the offender is insulted when his insults are allowed to continue.
For the offender, this is not peace, but death. After all, if the offender finds that his insults are accepted, then what has he learned? If the offender understands that his insults are no longer accepted, then what conclusions will he be forced to draw?
You must have the courage to express your emotions, because this is how you make the world a better place. The brilliant director Woody Allen has a golden phrase: “My problem is that I don’t spill anything out. I don't know how to express anger. Instead I get cancer."
Moreover, you must always remember about psychosomatics. For example, people who didn't say what they should have often get a sore throat.
- Oh, that's right! I actually had a sore throat all last year. And spent in hospitals...
Diseases are a direct indicator of resistance to the world and one’s nature. When we betray ourselves, we start to get sick.
In general, in the end, I’ll tell you this story. I recently congratulated a friend who turned 30 on his birthday. I asked him: “What did you lack in your decade from 20 to 30 to do more?”
He replied: “Courage.”
This amazed me because I also lack courage. Even now. Courage to express yourself. Don't be shy about courage. Courage to admit obvious things. Courage to get rid of illusions. Courage to be yourself.
So I wish we all remember the words of Oscar Wilde: “Be yourself. All other places are already taken."
upd: The book “100 ways to change your life” is already on sale! It contains even more motivation and inspiration. Under the cover - new unpublished “methods”, a concentrate of 1000 books on self-development and dozens real stories. Dream. Do it. Change.
Hi all. Just the other day I introduced you to a blogger I know, but I didn’t expect this interview. I myself was surprised that this charming lady agreed to talk to me. I am very pleased to introduce you to Elena.
— Good day, Elena. Thank you for finding time for our conversation. I will start, as usual, with the question of location and deposit. Can you tell me what region you're from?
— I am Ukrainian, originally from the city of Chernobyl. And now I live in a small town not far from the city of Nizhyn, famous for its cucumbers. It so happened that both cities are more or less familiar to residents of the CIS.
— And again Ukraine is my guest. And what does this have to do with cucumbers? Honestly, I'm far from gardening... 
- Well, Nizhyn cucumbers have always been famous... They are famous even abroad. Someday, ask the grocery store if they have pickled Nezhin cucumbers.
There is even a monument to the famous cucumber in the city.
- Monument to the cucumber? Wow. Do you have a photo? I would like to see it, and so would our readers..
- Well, of course... It is located right next to the entrance to the plant, where these cucumbers the size of a little finger are rolled up.
- Oh, are these gherkins? Well then, I probably ate your cucumbers. Do you grow them yourself too?
- Well, of course. I have a private house and on my six hundred square meters I try to fit a little of everything, including Nizhyn cucumbers.
- So you are an amateur gardener. Who are you about profession?
— By profession I am a merchandiser food products. True, I worked very little in my specialty. Until recently, I worked as a florist in a flower shop for 10 years.
- So now you have completely dedicated yourself to the earth?
- No... I have now completely devoted myself to working on the Internet, my blog “At Madame’s”, and my flower beds and vegetable beds help me relax with pleasure and treat my friends to homemade delicacies.
- What about the family? Do you have enough time for them? Don't your household rebel when they see you at the computer?
— Even when my guys were at home, my sitting at the computer was always perceived as serious work. From the very beginning, I earned much more here than at my main job. It was copywriting that, at first, helped me raise two sons myself. The children saw that the Internet was a source of some material wealth, and that’s why they treated it that way. But work has never come at the expense of my duties as a mother. Well, now the guys are already at work and I live alone, no one looks askance, that’s for sure.
- I understand that you have two sons. And probably already a grandmother, or not?
— I have two twin sons, they will turn 21 on November 7th. And I'm not a grandmother yet.
— To be honest, do you want to babysit your grandchildren? 
— To be honest, I’m too tired raising the children. There were no parents, my husband didn’t help, it was all on her own. I didn’t have time to live for myself. Right now I enjoy the fact that I can sit in silence, knowing that my children are safe. They haven’t grown up for me yet, and I don’t think about grandchildren yet.
- OK then. I know that you also interview interesting people. Why did you agree to an interview with me?
“You know, you’ve never analyzed your life like this.” I wanted to look at myself from the outside.
- Hmm... So this is your first interview. I'm doubly pleased! Can you tell me what you are like - practical, sentimental... etc.? How would you describe yourself?
- Romantic pragmatist... Honestly, it happens. According to my horoscope, I am an Aquarius - I don’t have my head in the clouds, I do everything with my own hands, I have high self-discipline. Without the latter, I would not be who I am today. But at the same time, I can selflessly teach a young blogger, cry over the fate of my country and run a website for my city, just for people, lifting their spirits.
- Would you ever want to change something in your life, looking back?
- No. Unless I can make sure that people dear to me do not die so early. And so my whole life has led me to become who I am. I'm pleased with the result.
-Can you forgive a person everything?
- Yes I can. Five years ago I broke up with a man. Now that the storm is no longer raging within me, we communicate again. Until now, I didn’t think that I could forgive absolutely everything... It turns out that I can.
- Clear. How do you rest and relax? What do you like to do? Maybe knitting or cooking?
— I crochet, knit, cross-stitch and satin stitch, but lately I’ve been doing it less and less. Now, from sitting at the computer for a long time, I try to rest on fresh air, or in your garden, or in the forest with a camera. Macro photography is my strong point. And at night I like to read the detective’s grandmother - Agatha Christie or Conan Doyle.
- Well, just like the cat Matroskin. By the way, about cats. It seems you have such animals in your house?
- Yes, there is a Siamese cat. We call her Marysya.
— Siamese cats have a capricious character. How quickly did you find a common language with her?
“Her mother threw little Marysia at my feet at night. That's how she grew up with me. Her mother died, but Marysya remained my faithful friend. We very rarely part; she even relaxes with me in the flowerbeds.
—What time of year do you prefer?
- Winter. I don't like heat. And somehow in winter my soul is filled with peace. In the summer I don’t feel this, we’re all in a hurry to get somewhere...
— So your favorite color is white?
— Well, no... While working in Photoshop, I noticed that I very often use warm, yellow-golden tones. Today I went to RomTI for a photo blog. He was stunned by the photographs in these tones: simply gorgeous autumn photos with sun rays in golden tones.
- Yes, at Roman’s nice photos it turns out, really. Do you have a dream?
- Well, who doesn’t have it? I want to see my children happy and healthy, and for myself personally - complete financial freedom, acquiring which I would be able to travel. I want to go to many places: many places in Ukraine, and I have many friends in Russia, where I plan to go.
- I wish your dreams come true. And if it doesn’t work out, then what will you tell yourself?
- I will succeed! I also want to wish for myself to live in a free country, where peace and tranquility will reign.
- Right. I like your attitude! I would have talked to you like this for a long, long time, but... I hope that this is not our last conversation. In the meantime, I would like to ask you to say something for our readers..
— For all the readers of your blog, I just want to wish positive thinking, faith in your strength and then any cherished dream will come true.
I want to thank you, Lena, for the opportunity to analyze my life. Let your blog become the same revelation for many more as it was for me.
- Thank you for good words for our friends and for me. It was very nice for me to get to know you a little closer. Good luck and health to you in everything! See you on our blogs...
- Thank you too... see you later!
How quickly time flies. It seems like we started our conversation only 5 minutes ago, but it turned out 3 hours had passed.
It's really true that a good man time flies by. Lenochka turned out to be a very sweet and sympathetic woman, but with a strong character. I really enjoyed talking to her. It seemed to me that I had known her for a very long time.
With this I say to you - goodbye...
Read, get acquainted and you are welcome to interview me!
