It doesn’t matter for what reason, but each of us has told a lie at least once in our lives. The feelings after this are usually not the best - we are tormented by a feeling of guilt, and the arrow on the self-esteem scale rapidly drops. So should we lie or is it better to always tell the truth?

Why do we lie?

Everyone is telling lies. According to statistics, even a scrupulously honest person cheats on average at least 5 times a day. The reasons for lying are also different: many lie to save themselves, some lie out of laziness, and some lie for selfish purposes. But it’s easy to deceive, but sticking to a made-up story without the risk of spilling the beans is much more difficult. In addition, it often happens that in order for the truth not to be revealed, one lie has to be piled on top of another, and so on ad infinitum.

What kind of lies are there?

Any lie has its own reason, and its most harmless manifestation is a white lie. Most often it is used to hide the truth from a loved one about a serious illness, relieve him of strong emotional experiences, or help him avoid troubles. Such lies are in most cases forgivable, and sometimes they are necessary. However, even it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul.

It is much worse when a person deceives in order to receive benefits or support in a particular action. In such a situation, they usually tell only a small part of the truth, pushing the interlocutor towards the desired answer. For example, a wife may do this so that her husband will admit that she is right in a conflict with her neighbors.

Sometimes a person deliberately exaggerates his merits or capabilities in order to appear in a favorable light in the eyes of others. For example, he may promise to help with something, without even intending to fulfill his promise. However, such a lie will sooner or later lead to the severance of even the closest friendships.

Benefit or harm?

Recently, American psychologists conducted research on how lying affects human health. As it turned out, those who are accustomed to telling lies are more likely to suffer from depression and headaches, as well as sore throats. In addition, it turned out that the most popular people in a team or family were those who knew how to lie talentedly. This fact once again proved that modern people are quite tolerant of lies.

How to lie correctly?

If you have a need to hide the truth, then first think carefully about whether it is worth doing. The end does not always justify the means. If after this you have not changed your mind, think carefully about tactics so that your lies will be believed. The most difficult thing to recognize is half-truths - when real facts are adjacent to lies. Also, never saturate the story big amount details, otherwise you will be easily caught.

Should I lie?

It may seem paradoxical, but lying is much more difficult than telling the truth. After all, the ability to lie is a complex thought process. In order to hide a deception, enormous expenditures of nervous energy and mental abilities are required. It’s much easier to tell the truth, and then not feel remorse, not be afraid that the fiction will be revealed, and not keep a lot of unnecessary information in your head about what, when and to whom you lied.

Victoria Ovchinnikova

Every person has lied or been deceived at least once in his life. The reasons why people lie are varied. Most often this is explained by the desire to look better than you really are. It would seem that lying is so simple, but it is worth remembering that a lie destroys a person from the inside and disrupts his harmony. The fear of being exposed brings great discomfort, which over time can result in serious discomfort. Many people with age begin to understand that deception is not a way out of the situation, so they think about how to stop lying.

White lie

This formulation is a rather weak excuse. It is very difficult to determine the line when lying does not cause harm. And does it exist? In any case, the deception will sooner or later be revealed, and the person who composed the legends will feel very awkward. It is difficult to prove that this was done for good and not for harm. Lying destroys even the strongest relationships, aggravates situations and negatively affects health.

Why do people become liars?

As a rule, no one plans to become a cheater. This happens gradually, but inevitably leads to the fact that a person asks the question: “How to stop lying?” The process begins with people saying the information that the interlocutor wants to hear. They believe that an “innocent” lie will not harm anyone. But this is not so: an unpleasant aftertaste and the fear of “getting caught” remain.

Reasons for lying

To understand how to stop lying to people, you need to understand why this happens. Sometimes a person is saddened to realize that he very often tells lies. Fables can be of a different nature, but the result is always the same: people lie and stop remembering what, when and to whom they said. The lie grows like a snowball, this leads to sad consequences.

Psychologists identify the main reasons why people cheat:

How to fight the urge to lie?

When thinking about how to stop lying, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge the problem. Without this, get rid of this addiction Not sure it's going to happen. The next step is to calm down. There is no need to remember with horror when, what was said and to whom. It is enough to apologize to those people who had to listen to fables. And when the desire to lie arises again, you need to remember the promise you made to yourself.

Be yourself

You should not compare yourself with other people and be guided by their actions and thoughts. Each person is an individual. To earn respect from others, you need to remain honest and work on your inner world.

Telling the truth is easy!

For people who are thinking about how to stop lying, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Experts say that telling the truth is simple and pleasant. In the future, you won’t need to strain and frantically remember your stories. It is much easier to sort out the situation once than to live in constant fear that the truth will be revealed and you will have to relive the unpleasant moments. It's destroying inner harmony and deprives you of peace.

There is no such thing as a "little lie"

People who justify their deception with such a concept as “lie of omission” are deeply mistaken. There is no need to look for excuses and dress lies in beautiful forms. Not telling the truth, which is known, is also deception.

Lying for the sake of reputation

Advice on how to stop lying can only be effective if a person realizes the futility of his own lies. No reputation can live long on untrue stories. But regaining the trust of others will be much more difficult, and sometimes almost impossible. It is better to look for other paths to the top that will help achieve sustainable and unshakable results.

"Little Truths"

It is very difficult for people who lie all their lives to immediately understand how to stop lying. Therefore, psychologists recommend starting with small steps. It is necessary every day to speak the truth where previously there would have been a lie.

Lying is in some way theft: a person dishonestly receives respect, love and recognition from people. It makes more sense to focus your energy on understanding how to satisfy your emotions in an honest way. This will become a strong basis for self-development and building relationships with others.

11.07.2017 11:48

Some people are guilty of telling lies. People often lie to hide an unpleasant truth, to dodge an answer, to get out of an unpleasant situation. It may also be that a person deceives another because he does not want the interlocutor to be nervous and worried. And someone lies because he is simply a coward - he is afraid to tell the truth, he is afraid to reveal his true face, he is afraid of condemnation and responsibility for his actions.

But in any case, a lie is a lie. And a person who often deceives others gets used to it. Having lied once, twice, three times, a person accepts lying as a habit and begins to use it as a simple and understandable way to solve a problem. And more often - not to solve it, but to run away from it.

Should you lie to other people? It's up to you to decide. But to make it easier for you to make a decision, we will list a few points.

What are the consequences of the habit of lying?

. You're losing trust

A person who lies often and a lot will inevitably “get caught” in the end. And the more often this happens, the faster he loses the trust of loved ones. And sometimes, to lose trust, a single deception is enough, and not always a big one. And restoring trust is much more difficult than destroying it.

Draw conclusions.

. You become irresponsible

Lying is an easy way out of the situation. If you did something bad, it is much easier to say that you didn’t do it - than to admit what you did and deal with the consequences.

Thus, if you lie often, then you often evade responsibility. And this will gradually lead to the fact that in a situation where you should behave like a mature and independent person, you will be tempted to take the easy way out - to lie and thereby avoid responsibility.

Do you want to become irresponsible?

. If you get into the habit of lying, you will inevitably find yourself in awkward situations.

As they say, a liar must have a good memory. After all, a lie is not just a word “yes” or “no”, more often it is a whole story.

Try an experiment with yourself. Tell a story from your life that happened to you a year ago. And then tell it out loud again, say, a week later. Does the story look the same? Approximately yes - perhaps only the figures of speech differ, but not the essence itself. Because it’s easy to tell everything as it happened.

Now try to make up a story about yourself and tell it. Will you be able to tell everything exactly the same in two weeks? A month later? Hardly.

And even if the lie does not include a story, but just a phrase, then sooner or later it will be forgotten. Let's say you told your husband that you were visiting a friend, when in fact you were going out for drinks with an old friend. Let's say the husband didn't ask for details. But in a month you can easily blurt out that you haven’t seen your friend for six months and miss her. Why will you soon forget your last meeting? Because she wasn't there.

A liar simply cannot remember everything - facts, dates, events that actually did not happen. The truth is always remembered much easier than fictional events. And lies will always be forgotten from time to time, strange details and inconsistencies will emerge. This means that you will regularly find yourself in an awkward position when communicating with other people. Think about this when you consider the question, “Should I lie?”

What should you do if for some reason you don’t want to tell the truth, but you also don’t want to lie? Indeed, sometimes people ask questions that are unpleasant to answer, there is no need and desire. We don't have to open our souls to everyone who wants to, do we?

Instead of lying, you can:

. Keep silent

In the story, do not touch on any topic, avoid answering, move the conversation to another topic, say openly - “I don’t want to talk about this.” There are many options.

. Not telling the whole truth

In any story, you can omit certain details - those that you don’t want to talk about out loud. And there is nothing like that.

. Select expressions

It happens that the truth sounds very unpleasant and even rude. But, for example, instead of saying, “I’m annoyed that you call me every day,” you could say, “I can’t talk on the phone every day.”

What did you decide for yourself? Is it worth lying to people?

Psychologist Anastasia Cherkasova,

An incident forced me to ask myself this question. One of my friends’ birthday was approaching. We created a group on VK with friends and started discussing the gift. Or rather, I started discussing it. And with herself. There was no response at all. It became amazing. Why is that? Why? After all, he did a lot of good not only to me. Good man, good friend and everyone is silent. Why?

I won’t go into details about choosing a gift. In the end they congratulated us. Everything ended well. Ask yourself: “To lie or not to lie?” It was forced by the fact that already when the gift was chosen and purchased, one of my friends wrote: “Sorry for not taking part in the discussion. There was no Internet.” And then I thought about how often we lie and why we do it.

We cannot say: “I don’t care what you give him. I’ll throw in the money, but I don’t want to waste time on the rest.” After all, in principle, this is normal. I do this myself at times. I say that I didn’t see the message or didn’t hear the phone. Why? Why can't we say what we really feel? And what would happen if we did tell the truth?

Here's another case. Sister's wedding. The first day we walked well. On the second day, home gatherings were planned. But I don't like these gatherings. It's boring for me to sit and “pour from empty to empty” for the hundredth time. I lied. I said that I overslept and therefore came 2 hours later.

It turns out to be a conflict. On the one hand, people are taught from childhood that lying is bad. Lying is bad. On the other hand, it turns out that it is impossible to live without lies. Sometimes it seems to me that in life we ​​lie more often than we tell the truth. And I became interested in understanding the reasons. What? What motivates you to cheat? Why do I personally lie, at times, even to the people closest to me?

Why do people lie? Reason one.

Why do people lie? Reason one. The desire to avoid unpleasant, boring, uninteresting responsibilities. From early childhood, many of us are taught that we owe a lot and owe even more. There are many common parenting styles traumatizing the psyche of children. The child is forced to do what he does not want; something that is not characteristic of him or even harms him. He feels this and, in order to somehow survive, begins to lie and dodge.

Let me give you an example from life. The girl dreamed of becoming a figure skater. She was sent to chess. The parents had many “valid” reasons to do this - the chess section was free, it was closer to travel. No transfers. In addition, the childhood psychotraumas of the parents themselves began to take their toll. The mother perceived her daughter as a rival, so she did everything possible to suppress femininity and sexuality in her. The sport - chess - was chosen by my mother and she was very proud of it all her life, despite all the resistance of her child. The girl's mother - psychological vampire "Cold Woman" - I despised men and this also affected. She wanted her daughter to prove that women were better and smarter by beating them at chess - a male sport.

Here daddy’s “cockroaches in his head” also got involved. The girl, let's call her Anya, had neither interest nor ability for chess. It is clear that about good results there was no talk. Every tournament, every game was a real hell and test for the child. In the chess section she was considered a fool, and at school she was considered a nerd. Dad was a domestic tyrant with low self-esteem and great ambitions. He took pleasure in reproaching his daughter for her losses. This is also a type of psychological vampirism. Despite the fact that Anya studied well at school, though “for some reason” no one noticed this.

Anya learned to lie early. Did she have another choice? Don't know. It's difficult to answer.

She lied that she was studying chess at home. Although she rarely did this, because she was not interested. One day my father asked: “How many hours did you study today? Just don’t lie!” Anya told the truth, that not at all. She was scolded and sat down at the chessboard.

After this, the girl concluded that

• telling the truth is dangerous.
• It's easier to lie than to tell the truth.
• To avoid being scolded, it’s better to lie.
• To avoid scandals, it’s better and easier to lie.

And into adulthood she continued to do the same. When I got a little older, I lied that I went to training and school without absences or absenteeism. She lied that she didn’t drink or smoke. She lied about which children she was friends with and communicated with. She lied about a lot of things.

What about the parents? This suited the parents. They had their own problems. And formally everything seemed to be fine. The daughter studied excellently (Anya was still a very smart girl). The neighbors didn't complain. She was quiet at home. And the fact that she played chess created an additional image of a “good” girl.

Only she herself knew what was going on in Anya’s soul.

This leads to the second reason why people lie.

Why do people lie? Reason two.

Why do people lie? Reason two. Reluctance to see or acknowledge the problem. Let's return to Anya's story. The parents couldn’t help but notice the girl’s resistance. Since she was afraid to say anything out loud, she sometimes pretended to be asleep for hours so as not to go to training. The parents saw this, but put pressure on the child, accusing her of being lazy, stupid, and so on. They didn't want to realize there was a problem. And this is also a form of lying. After all, if they did this, they would have to come into contact with their own pain and psychological traumas of their childhood.

This form of lying is most often accompanied by negative attitudes:

• It’s easier to ignore a problem than to solve it.
• solving problems is difficult.
• In order for a child to be of any use, he must be strictly controlled.
• In order for a child to be of any use, he must be kept under control
• It is she (he, they, the authorities, the government...) who are to blame for everything.
• It’s easier (better, easier) to blame someone else than to admit to lying yourself.
• best defense is attack.

Why do people lie? Other reasons.

Why do people lie? Reason three. Out of politeness. How many times have each of us met acquaintances whom we had not seen for 100 years and would gladly not have seen for even longer. What happens? We smile friendly and say: “Hello! I’m so glad to see you! How are you?”

Why do people lie? Reason four. To avoid hurting another person. Please him. For example, plump woman we say that she has a wide bone, although in fact we understand that she just needs to eat less.

The girl leaving the guy says: “Sorry, the reason is not you.”

Wives fake orgasms to make their husbands feel super macho in bed.

We say that we liked everything at the birthday party, that this blouse really suits the hostess and that they just have a golden child. And how wonderful we are that this is a very tasty salad and we don’t eat it only because we’re on a diet :-)

Is this lie necessary? What is more in it - benefit or harm? What's better? Sweet lies or bitter truth. And if it’s impossible to live without lying, then why do we teach children from childhood that lying is bad, if we ourselves lie 10 times a day.

Why do people lie? Reason five. For selfish reasons. A guy lies to a girl that he loves her in order to get sex. Mom gives the teacher a bouquet of flowers and says how grateful she is to Marya Ivanovna for her work and what a beautiful manicure Marya Ivanovna has, so that her child would receive more attention in class and get higher grades. The seller tells the woman that this color suits her in order to sell the blouse.

Why do people lie? Reason six. To appear better than you really are. We pretend that we earn more than we actually do. We tell our friends how much my husband loves us, with whom we bicker 10 times a day. How nice it was in Turkey at 5*, although we only vacationed at 3*. The time is that today we are very busy at work in order to appear more respectable. We wear shapewear to appear slimmer.

Why do people lie? Reason seven. When someone minds their own business. That is, lying as a peaceful option for protecting one’s borders. For example, a friend asks why I’m not going to training today. And I don’t want to tell him where I’m really going, because it’s none of his business. In this case, I lie that I’m tired and want to stay at home. After which I go about my business.

My sincere opinion is that when you ask someone, "Why don't you so-and-so?" you need to add: “If you want, you don’t have to answer.”

Why do people lie? Reason eight. Violation of prohibitions. So as not to be scolded. For example, as a child I lied that I didn’t touch my father’s expensive books with reproductions of famous artists and my mother’s things, so as not to be scolded. I really liked and still like Dali's paintings. For me there is something familiar and interesting about them. Something that can take a long time to figure out and still not be solved. Books with reproductions of his paintings are expensive, but dad was given one of these. I was forbidden to touch her, but when my parents were not at home, I sometimes could not deny myself the pleasure of looking at “these interesting pictures.”

About the same thing happened with my mother’s things. I wore my mother’s long skirt and twirled around the house in it. Then she carefully put it back in place. and if suddenly my mother noticed that the skirt was lying somehow wrong, then I would lie and say that I didn’t know what was wrong.

Why do people lie? Reason nine. So as not to be persuaded. To persuade is to force. By persuading, we impose our opinion on a person, and therefore produce violence. How often has it happened in life that we are offered something completely unnecessary - some thing, to go somewhere... - and in response to the answer: “Thank you, no need,” they begin to persuade: “Well, just think about it, maybe it will work out.” . Take a better look..." And so, in order to avoid these meaningless persuasion, we lie that we are sick or don’t have time (money) or something else.

Why do people lie? Reason ten. Seem like everyone else. Adjustment to the society in which we are currently located. It's no secret that we like people who are similar to us. People who dress the same as us, have a similar worldview, manner of speech and behavior are unconsciously liked more than others. Therefore, when I find myself in a society where my views on life are not shared, I keep silent about some things. For example, I say that I like fish more than meat or that I’m already full when they insist on trying something meaty. Or at the moment when someone begins to blame the government for their troubles and failures, I remain silent or change the conversation to another topic.

It is clear that this is not the entire list of reasons why people lie. There are many more. It’s just that recently it became a discovery for me, the realization of how often I lie myself. And so, by the way. This doesn't even count as a lie. Then another question arose in my head: “How much of what I hear is true?” and does it exist at all? How often do we see and communicate with real, living, real people, and not with the lies they tell about themselves? And why does this happen?

My opinion is that one of the reasons is the inability to accept the freedom of choice of another person. Accept people as they are. If a person does or does not do something, then in any case he has his own weighty internal reasons justifying his choice.

If you have any thoughts or considerations on this matter, I will be glad to read them in the comments to this article.

If you liked the article and found it useful, subscribe to updates.

Individual consultations using theta healing technology. Sign up at address This address Email protected from spam bots. You must have JavaScript enabled to view it.. Please indicate Theta Healing in the subject line of the email. Consultations are conducted via Skype or Viber. Personal consultations are possible for residents of Dnieper. More details can be

The first consultation (30 minutes) is free.

How to motivate a child not to lie? Friedman's experiment.

Why shouldn't you put pressure on or threaten your child? How to motivate a child to act in a certain way without resorting to “bribery” or threats? The child has personal responsibility for the choice made or the action committed. Excerpt from the audiobook “Psychology of Influence” by Robert Cialdini

Useful materials:

3 ways to ruin your children's lives.

Psychological vampire "Cold Woman".

When using the material, an indexed link to the site is required.

Question to a psychologist

Hello! I am 20 years old. As a child, I had situations when I faced coldness and condemnation from my parents if I told honestly about my mistakes. Since then, I found the perfect solution - to lie. I do it pretty well, almost automatically if I sense a “dangerous” situation. But now it’s starting to bother me a little. For example, a friend calls me. I know that she wants to invite her somewhere, but at that moment I don’t want to go out with her. But I won’t tell her this directly! That’s why I don’t answer the phone at first or come up with excuses (I was asleep, busy, etc.). This happens very often. I lie so that there are no conflicts, showdowns, insults, I want to have good, peaceful relations with everyone.
Tell me, is what I’m doing so bad and how to deal with it?

Answers from psychologists

Hello, Natalia!

I think it’s not for nothing that your usual way of communication has begun to stress you out. Life goes on and you realize that you began to use it not to avoid danger, but out of habit, because, most likely, you never learned any other way.

And this is really dangerous because you are accustomed to hiding your real self behind lies. Although you have every right to say what you think, feel and want. When truly close people appear (husband, children), they will see that it is normal for you to lie. And this duplicity will constantly keep them in a state of anxiety and teach them that they cannot trust anyone. This means you are dooming yourself to loneliness and, of course, teach this to your children. The picture looks even sadder...

I invite you to work with this in person. A consultation alone is not enough, but with effort, you will gain freedom. Because freedom is when a person does only what he wants to do. Acts consciously, not automatically.

Good luck to you!

Sincerely, Kalamkas Kanapieva, psychologist in Astana. Face-to-face and Skype.

Natalya, hello!

You are growing up and, apparently, the “method” that helped you no longer suits you.

If you analyze the example of the situation with your friend that you described, it is difficult for you to tell people: “No.” It's easier to find some "reason".

This is the first direction that we need to work with you.

Second. There is a possibility that you are still afraid of criticism. But, believe me, the time has come when you have your right to choose both decisions and appropriate actions.

All the best!

Sincerely,

Snegireva Inna Vladimirovna, psychologist Astana

Hello!

Natalya, you yourself write that “lying” is a way to avoid criticism. Avoiding criticism = wanting to be liked. The desire to be liked is quite normal and natural for a person, because we are social creatures and the assessment of society is important to us. Your inability to say “No” falls into the same category.

Another thing is that it interferes with your life. Even if it’s heartfelt.

Natalya, each of us has an internal prohibition Parent Critic, scared or on strike Child and wise Adult(read E. Bern or anything about transactional psychology).

Every time you “lie,” that same once-frightened Child speaks within you, whom a strict mom and dad can scold. However, you, Natalya, are 20 years old. And you are far from a child. There is a fairly strong and wise Adult inside of you who can decide when to tell the truth and when to lie (you must admit, lying is sometimes useful))). That's ALLOW yours For an adult accept adult decisions and action according to the situation.

WITH Best wishes!

Serikova Dana Dzhanbolovna, psychologist in Astana

home » Earn money online » Is it worth lying to people? Should you lie on your resume? Whether to lie