What hasn't been done is for the better. "Everything that is done is done for the better." How true is the statement? The benefits of difficult situations for us
It knows no boundaries, for all occasions there are all kinds of proverbs, sayings, parables, aphorisms, and, what is most surprising, in all situations in instructive phrases are different, but the conclusions are the same. The same words are repeated from generation to generation, but sometimes this is pronounced purely formally, without realizing the deep meaning in which the spiritual law is contained, and ignorance of this will not protect you from responsibility. For example, this happens with the expression: “Everything that is done is done for the better.”
Spiritual Law
No one denies the laws of natural sciences (physical, chemical, biological, etc.), and, knowing them at least at the everyday level, people are guided and obey them in their lives. No one will jump from an airplane without a parachute, touch exposed electrical wires (Ohm’s law), dive into water without knowing how to swim. Spiritual laws were also discovered a long time ago and are set out, for example, in the Bible or other religious teachings, and, of course, they are reflected V oral creativity peoples The spiritual law: “Everything that is done is done for the better” is not a banal soothing phrase, not a call for better, but a chance to understand and accept what happened for further spiritual growth.
Understand and accept
“Everything that is done is done for the better” is heard from all sides on any small occasion. But as soon as it comes to serious tragedies, the human mind refuses to accept death as a science, always looking for the culprit (he or they, of course, always exists), without understanding the main thing: every single one of them is involved in what happened. Everything is for the better - this is not a slogan of optimists who are not afraid of anything, but a law confirming a person’s right to choose. A choice is made every second: to go - not to go, to do - not to do, to think - not to think, to be silent - to speak. When taking action, a person chooses (albeit unconsciously) the responsibility that he will bear for it, so the expressions “fate deprived” or “God punished” are actually reassuring and justifying phrases for non-believers. No one punishes anyone for violating spiritual laws - only everyone punishes themselves. This is difficult to accept, because making excuses has become a habit. But just as it is useless to scream in the sky and make excuses that you forgot your parachute because you didn’t get enough sleep, it is also useless to wring your hands about your unfortunate fate and look for those responsible.
Everything will be fine
Why is everything that is done done for the better? What is being done according to the law is understandable, but who said what is for the better? Probably because it is an axiom. It is accepted by the heart, and it is almost impossible to prove it to a closed soul. Once upon a time, at the dawn of civilization, man was given knowledge of all laws, but he preferred to cultivate natural sciences because they opened the way to profit and power. But not paying attention to spiritual commandments means signing one’s death warrant, as can be seen in the history of recent centuries: the more sophisticated and grandiose the discoveries, the more ruthless people are towards each other, the louder they shout about peace, the bloodier the wars. More drugs means more diseases. But the universe still gravitates towards good, and therefore everything that is done is done for the better, even if soon there will not be a single person left in the Universe.
“No matter what is done, everything is for the better” - such a hymn to denial and rationalization. This was invented by those who did not find the moral strength to cope with the challenge of the human situation. A wonderful consolation for events beyond one's control or an excuse for poor choices?
Probably, we want to believe in the harmony and higher meaning of what is happening, inaccessible to us logic and wisdom beyond the limits of consciousness. But it's hard to rely on something you can't control. There are things that happen with varying degrees of regularity, but some are a consequence of choice, including unconscious ones. For example, being in a zone with an increased probability of a particular event is also a choice. And any choice leads to certain consequences - “good” or “bad”.
I'm afraid there is nothing predetermined: scenario, fate, guarantees. It is not easy to accept responsibility for something that has gone wrong that is our fault. This is a difficult moment. But it in itself is a challenge to maturity and a point of growth. How to come to terms with what turned out to be a consequence of choice?
The main goal of Gestalt therapy is to fix the Ego function. That is, to return or replenish the ability to make choices, be responsible for them and at the same time be satisfied with the course of one’s own life. For spending the rest of your days regretting the previous ones is somehow irrational from the point of view of evolution. If we turn to the religions of the world, we will find that one of the common and most important ideas is the idea of humility. Reconcile - be at peace. Do what you need to do, come what may. Some things depend on us, and some don’t.
The starting point is to take the fact that no one knows how life would have flowed had it been decided differently at that moment of choice. This will all remain in the fantasy zone. In reality, there are only consequences that then need to be dealt with somehow. That's all.
The consequences may be different. Joyful - giving a feeling of triumph, victory over circumstances, special luck. Or sad - leading to feelings of guilt, powerlessness, deep regret. You can't ignore unpleasant feelings. You can, with varying degrees of success, suppress them, repress them, or try to get rid of them in some other way, or you can meet them and live with them. In the first case, this is a large expenditure of mental energy, loss of time and stagnation. In another - learning a lesson, even a bitter one, and reaching new level. Having made a so-called mistake, you receive a wonderful bonus - a kind of vaccination against stupidity! And in the light of this experience, many things become clear.
In reality, making the right choice is not so easy. To set priorities correctly, to navigate what has not yet happened (to predict the future), to feel what will be important later... It is not at all easy. I would say - on the verge of the possible. “Following the stars,” hearing the subtlest voice of intuition, trusting it, reading the signs correctly, does not always work out, but only when you are under stress.
Important decisions are always associated with anxiety, and under stress we usually regress and become “stupid.” It’s stupid to feel sorry and reproach yourself for choosing something that seemed important at that moment. At that moment, you were a person to whom this choice seemed the best possible. Then it’s easy to argue that it would be necessary...
It's bad if you don't make a choice at all. More precisely, there is still a choice - to react passively or to transfer responsibility to someone or something. But this, again, is rarely recognized as a choice. Everything that cannot be explained is endowed with an artificial meaning, and fatalism is formed. Lucky in some situations - and a victim of circumstances in others.
In general, gritty realism is not popular. The magical paradigm is much nicer. But life is not for weaklings.published .
Tatiana Martynenko
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
Parable…
Personally, I believe that you should always look for a share of positivity and joy in everything. Not always, what seems terribly scary, offensive and unfair to us is so. Yes, in all cases there are exceptions. But there is no point in focusing only on the fact that everything is “bad” and “wrong.” In life, everyone goes through their own lessons. And there is no need to be afraid of them and run away from them. Sometimes they hit us painfully, but all this is lived through, carried through the soul and heart and thoughts, and comes out at the right time with conclusions already made and acceptance of the situation. There is no need to write out the scenario of events in your head in advance - everything will still turn out in a negative way. We are always ready to think about the worst. We don't know how to think about the best.
The same “problem” is experienced by an individual in his own way; no one decides, except ourselves, how exactly we will overcome the barrier that has formed. And no one will decide for us how to accept the current “not like that” situation. What happens to you happens only to you. No one will ever be able to look at the world through your eyes, see what you see, and understand it the way you understand it. Making mistakes is not scary. After all, you will know that you tried, you were able or were able to overcome the fear of mistakes. If you want to live without the burden of problems, grievances and missed opportunities - everything is in your hands, don’t listen to anyone but yourself.
We will never know everything in advance. Yes, and there is no need for this. Create and create your life yourself, with your positive thoughts and cherished desires! Positive attitude and desire are the main engines of all processes!
And.. everything that is done and done is all for the better. The best is inevitable! ;)
If you start something, be sure to finish it! This mother’s rule is not without meaning and obvious prospects. But what about the magic of the moment, what about the last chance to change everything, change your mind, make life less predictable, but more suitable for you personally? Our heroes listened to no one but their intuition, and they talk about it with joy.
I've changed my mind about studying
Anya(26), Moscow
I studied at MGIMO at the faculty international relations. Specialization - Africa. After four years of torment, I received a blue bachelor's degree and, succumbing to the herd instinct, applied for a master's degree. It seemed to me that “master” sounds cooler than “specialist,” but it took two more years to study for it, and one for a specialist.
To enter, you had to take the History of the Eastern Countries of the 20th Century. I went into the audience and took a ticket. I sat down to get ready, but my thoughts suddenly began to work in a different direction. Will I really be studying the problems of East and Africa for another two years? For some crimes they give less! At that moment, when one of the applicants answered his ticket, I realized that I did not want to be in his place. I don’t want any exams or a master’s degree! I don’t want to work at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and become a guru of African studies! By that time, I was already working part-time and knew that there was a lot of bright, creative work in the world. And I wanted to go to that world, and not to the Foreign Ministry and Africa.
I called my assistant over and asked: “Can I leave?” She replied that it was impossible to go out during the exam. I clarified that I didn’t want to leave, but to leave: “I don’t want to enroll. At all". The girl was confused, smiled stupidly and said: “Okay...” I took my things and left, accompanied by the amazed glances of the teachers. The fellow students outside the door were also very surprised. They probably decided that I was a weakling. But I had the feeling that for once I was not going with the flow, but was emerging and catching a breath of air, that I was taking an Action, making a Decision. I didn’t know what I would tell my mother, but I thought that I had done someone a favor, because I had freed up one place in the master’s program.
“I wanted to go to the world, not to the Foreign Ministry!”
Before the exam, the master's program was a bastion for me that definitely needed to be taken, and I prepared, despite a severe cold and fatigue from final exams... Now my only regret is that I did not leave the first year. I started to get bored at MGIMO from the very beginning.
Five years have passed since then. All this time I worked in the publishing business: as a secretary, personal assistant, sales manager, PR specialist, journalist. Now I’m managing a project, I love my job, and I don’t care how many diplomas are gathering dust on my bookshelf. As practice has shown, everything turned out for the better.
CHANGED MY MIND about working
Evgeniya(24), Novosibirsk
I got a job at a bank. Two months later I saw the vacancy of my dreams: “Television news journalist required.” I passed the interview, completed the creative task, received an invitation to work and... didn’t show up for the job the next day. I changed my mind because in the morning the head of the department called me from the bank and said: “Don’t go, you’ve received a diploma as the best specialist, another bonus and some other white envelope.”
I called TV and explained that I wouldn’t be able to go to work because my salary had been increased at my old place. I was hoping that they would ask me: “Are you sure? Did you think well? And I’ll say: “No, I want to come to you!” Take me!”, but the editor just wished me luck. I regretted my decision three days later, when I turned on the TV and saw that “my” position was filled by a girl who was studying a year younger and whom I considered a nerd, far from life and profession.
“I tried to imagine people happily buying shoe covers...”
Six months later, the crisis came, and I was fired from the bank, like many other employees. A couple of months later, I was offered a serious and interesting vacancy for a regional sales manager. At the interview, I showed off my banking experience, and they accepted me without any further questions. I had to sell shoe covers. In the evening, on the eve of going to work, I sat at home, drank tea and dreamed. I tried to imagine people happily buying shoe covers... It didn’t work. Imagining yourself in that place is also... I don’t think that selling shoe covers is bad or unworthy. But I never saw myself in such a job. I called and said that I wouldn’t come out because I had received another offer.
After these stories, I sat down, thought hard, analyzed everything and... decided to start my own projects. I registered an LLC and began to implement my own ideas. Now I have my own design studio, and I am responsible only for myself. I don’t regret it at all.
CHANGED YOUR THOUGHT about getting a divorce
Pavel (25) and Tatyana (24), Volgograd
Pavel says. “A year and a half after the wedding, Tanya and I began to quarrel a lot. They fought literally every day. They behaved in such a way that now it’s even embarrassing to remember! There were several reasons for the conflicts. Firstly, my wife really didn’t like that I was constantly receiving SMS from my girlfriends. And they are just friends, nothing like that, but these messages drove Tanya crazy! The second irritating factor was the unstable financial situation - there were problems with work and, accordingly, with money - there was not enough of it for anything.
At some point, our scandals became simply impossible to bear. We argued non-stop for a month. And both came to the conclusion that we no longer saw any point in continuing the relationship and that it was time to think about divorce. The last straw was the scene before the New Year. I won’t go into details, but in the end we sat down that evening, talked and decided that we could no longer live together. Then Tanya suggested getting a divorce. I supported her decision, and the next day we went to the registry office to write a statement.
We entered the building, and suddenly memories came flooding back to me. I said to Tanya: “Do you remember this registry office, our wedding?” Do you remember how good it was then?” She was silent, but it seemed to me that she was no longer so determined to get a divorce. Then I suggested waiting another two weeks. What difference does it make - we get divorced now or half a month later? Moreover, the registry office is not far from home. We turned around and silently walked home. The next two days passed as usual - we argued, fought... and then for some reason we relaxed and stopped. Since then, the topic of divorce has not been returned to. My parents never learned anything about our decision (and its cancellation).
“Do you remember this registry office, our wedding? How good were we then?”
Perhaps it was a relationship crisis that we needed to overcome. Even if only by going to the registry office for a divorce... Now we understand each other better than then, and we are more tolerant of each other. The problems we had a year ago have gradually been resolved. I found a job and my financial situation stabilized. In order not to traumatize my wife with constant “friendly” SMS messages, I now set my phone to vibrate. And most importantly, we are waiting for a new addition to the family!” (We’ve already waited! While the issue was being typed up, Tanya and Pavel had a son, Kirill. - Ed.)
I've changed my mind about having an abortion
Irina(24), Moscow
Pregnancy came as a big surprise to me. The test was right - and it gave out two stripes. It turned out that it was already nine weeks. At that time I was 22 years old, I didn’t have a husband, but my one-year-old daughter was growing up...
Only I managed to be glad that this crazy infancy period was over, when I had to stay awake at night, walk at five in the morning, squat around the baby and perform various acrobatic acts with her in my arms... I just got a new job, went on a business trip, only some prospects appeared on the horizon, and then... Since childhood, I had an attitude: I will give birth to only one child. In addition, of course, it was frightening that my daughter and I live in a rented apartment and that we do not have Moscow registration. In general, I weighed everything and decided to have an abortion.
“Since childhood, I had an attitude: I will give birth to only one child!”
And I was already sitting in line at the clinic when I suddenly felt that I was absolutely not where I should be. She hesitated for just a second. She easily got up and went out. They tried to stop me - they say, you’ll miss the turn, girl. And I didn’t even take the money. At that moment, my only desire was to leave the hospital as quickly as possible. And from somewhere I became confident that I wouldn’t be lost even with two kids...
When I told my family that I was leaving the child, they began to lament with tears in their eyes: how are you alone, in Moscow, and with two children... The list of fears and arguments against was endless. But I was calm and unperturbed and had no intention of changing my decision.
I think that then everything happened at the right time and in the right place. The situation gradually resolved: I bought an apartment with the help of a mortgage, and we all became full-fledged Muscovites, I started working two jobs and went to the office a month after giving birth. Now, being a mother of two daughters, I have time to go to the theater and exhibitions, and skate, and meet with friends. This fall I went to university again. And my personal life seems to be slowly getting better. There are close people around who support me...
I don’t plan to tell my second girl about that story in the hospital line. For what? I think we will have many other, more important topics to talk about!
Prepared by Alexandra Sorokovikova
Photo: CORBIS/FOTO SA. FROM THE ARCHIVES OF HEROES
