Remade fables in a modern way. Obscene fables (bleeped). Krylov's fables in a new way

***
Dreaming about pork bones,
There's a pack of bitches in Ukraine
So I decided: “Don’t be a coward,
Escape the Bug to Belarus.
If you have something to profit from,
We'll cross the border."
Disguising itself in the bushes,
The bitch was there.
A month, two and three, four-
They forgot to wait for her.
Suddenly Juliet appears
All curled up, dressed up,
Her fur shines like silk,
And a leash in diamonds.
-Oh, I'm full, girlfriends,
And pork bones and ears,
And sausages and bacon,
And heads from fat jocks,
And goose offal,
And chicken jellied meats.
I even started to get better,
I weigh twenty kilograms.
- Exactly, she became like a cow,
Well, go again
You are not needed here at all.
-But they don’t let you bark!
But no matter how you feed us,
Let the Ukrainians bark in the media.

***
In the distant Ural thicket
A woodpecker was chiseling the bark of a pine tree.
Such a simple hobby
He taught the larvae good things.

But with this dull work
There is no recognition from the masses.
And the woodpecker was tormented by care -
Find something to do that matches.

After all, only being able to chisel,
I was terribly jealous of the animals.
And, the beak hurt from the knock,
He dreamed of becoming famous himself.

He found a simple solution,
Why be someone yourself?
And the forest population became
As a critic, I teach them how to do things.

Then he sadly interprets to the wolf:
You, gray one, don't howl at the moon,
Doesn't like the night light
To break his silence.

He trains the horse boldly,
How to eat oats at the stables,
Swamp frogs skillfully
Verbal will close the diarrhea.

And even when I came to I-Bolit,
To slightly heal your beak,
He said it would be nice to have an entourage
Reduce doctors and nurses.

I listened to speeches like this
Animals of the Ural forest
And to hell they sent the Messiah, -
Everyone has their own opinion.

***
The moral of this simple fable
Not fresh at all, not new -
The stupid woodpecker did not come to the manger,
Adults have heads.

***
On supports, in the middle of the bedroom,
An iron chest was found.
Peaceful spirit of the bedchamber
The volume in the safe was full.
There are a lot of valuable cargoes
It has accumulated in it for centuries.

On a cool day, a year ago,
Enters the bedroom with interest
The master is wise and unique.
Along the path (between the forest)
He reached this bedroom
The month is warm in early summer.

"The engineering mind is visible!" -
He speaks in ecstasy.
"Straightness of angles and lines, -
The beauty of this creation.
I am convinced - to open up
He must keep a secret, brothers! ".

Having looked around, he looked back.
He takes out a pack of master keys,
A thought stirred my heart,
Started to solve the problem -
How and where can they happen?
The safe doors open.

On right. On the left, - next, -
Push the safe wall.
The mind considers it a derivative,
Calculating the circle of the dilemma.
Searches long and hard
The solution is technologically creative.

Days expire, -
The master does not provide an exit.
The week is flying by.
A month passes in search.
Having become thin, everything is beating,
But no solution is given!

Finally, with a sigh from my lips,
Having grown thin in body and soul,
He clapped his fingers in anger,
Exclaiming: “Just cause!”
Destroyed irrevocably
Larya with a hundredfold wisdom!”

Gathering with humiliation,
"Battlefield" leaves.
In humility, instructing
He's going through things in his soul
Everything I saved up for a new one
A month of harsh practice...

Having occupied my mind, I didn’t guess, -
The safe... opened by the handle.

***
One day God was met by a snake
Do you hear, God?
give me the voice of the Nightingale!
Otherwise I can only hiss and whistle
And if you knew: all your life
I only dreamed about
to sing songs!

What are you, Snake!? When I made you
I deliberately deprived you of my voice
So that you don't sing sweetly
And into your mouth, who,
once again, I didn’t like it
But if you repent, then -
another thing!
Hold it! Now like a nightingale
you can sing
However, with evil,
Don’t you dare use this gift!

Thank you, Lord!
I thank you for teaching
I swear to you and my poisonous tooth
I give you the cut off
I will not forget the age of your kindness
And your new voice with evil
I won't use it!

The Snake has a short memory,
as you can see, it turned out!
And just opening my mouth,
again she shows the sting
Just crawled out of paradise -
Nightingale
(he was just flying past at that time)
Suddenly the Snake began to sing!
What a miracle!
The way he sings is beautiful
And he hits the notes correctly
Sang the whole song
and without a single falsehood
However, you would fly, Nightingale,
on your way further!
...And did not catch the Nightingale Snake,
forgetting about the oath - sorry!

Friends, remember the moral:
So that the Nightingale lives longer
He shouldn’t be friends with the Snake
What's the point, without falsehood?
she sings
What if she suddenly EATS you?
Since you were born a Nightingale,
hold on, just in case
away from the Snake...
And be sure that about your vows, about yours,
The snake will immediately forget

Then we won't have Nightingale anymore

***
In court, the fox made a speech.
The innocent judge haunts me forever.
She got hurt by the judge and got so sick.
The fox didn’t want to see a doctor either.

She was tried, but she continued to offend.
I didn’t want to answer honestly and with dignity.
How her pride was hurt in court!
She asked me to rest for only three weeks.

In a rude manner, the cheat convinced the judge.
She suffered from an ill-wisher hedgehog.
Shut up fox!
The wolf convincingly asked his friend.
I will help you as a colleague and as a friend.

From difficult situation The wolf was looking for a way out.
For her, he constantly changed defenders.
But still the fox did not stop.
She constantly resorted to insults.

How she got mad and screamed.
Out of sight! Go away, you creatures!
The gray wolf is now unable to help the fox.
But the bear calmly answered the little fox.
The fox noticed your doings a long time ago.

In addition to the wolf, the fox has a jackal as its defender.
And he remembered the fox’s prank for a very long time.
Wolf, jackal and fox, ultimately.
These are unique specimens!
You won’t find such soulless animals in nature.

Once again the fox complained to the judge.
She started talking about this and that and, of course, about fate.
Like, my noble hair is shedding.
The process is dangerous and will affect your health.

The bear asks God to let her go into the forest.
Immediately the little fox continued to split hairs.
I got loose again like last time.
The fox was sent to prison at the same hour.

***
Cloud loved her sons.
I always taught them good things.
Hail and wind are naughty.
They weren't always smart.

The sons walked for a long time.
They kept looking for beautiful wives.
We got married without thinking,
They got divorced right away.

The mother forgave her sons.
Of course she sheltered them.
Gave them all the love.
I taught you to think and not rush.

Clearly understood again.
Mom must be respected.
To avoid mistakes,
I need to take advice from her.

The wind brother was smarter.
This is how I explained everything to my brother:
“Mom wishes us well.
Protects from mistakes.

Always gives good advice.
Listen whether you want or not.
Listen, don't offend.
Make your own decision."

The brothers fly side by side.
They decorate our land.
They realized that a mother is a mother.
She must be respected.

***
When God sent a piece of cheese to the crow,
At that time I was not in the world...
Today I have grown up, and so have other children.
From the fable they will learn what happened next...

Today power is like a sly fox
He tells people how wise he is.
Talking about nano-miracles,
Which he was previously deprived of...

Today everything is covered with a folk layer:
Popular Front...budget - people's...
We build roads together with the people...
And the brand of the people is very fashionable...

Once again the people are proud of themselves...
And if the sly fox
In that fable, she took possession of the cheese...
Then in life the authorities are proud of themselves...
And the fact that she got it from the people...

And it seems like who cares.
You have to pay for pleasure.
And they boldly push flattery upon people...
So that the authorities are not beaten in the elections...

***
The Oriole turned to the Cuckoo:
“Tell me your fortune, faithful friend.
I will live in love... with Nightingale,
How long are we destined to be together?
The Cuckoo said to her in response:
“An idyll duet awaits you.
The Nightingale is bewitched by you,
You will soon become a devoted wife.
I don't waste words
You will live more beautiful than sweet dreams!
Why do you love Nightingale?
I would avoid this,
They say: he is no man.
Don’t worry, it will only be yours!”

***
That same evening, somewhere by the stream,
The Cuckoo met the Nightingale.
The dawn found them in hot passion...
Know that in love there are NO girlfriends!

Funny fables for adults

CUCKOO

Think about how disgusting
Deprive the cuckoo of motherhood!-
Watching a news program
Said Papa Crake. -
Look how sad she is.
Doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, and still cackles:
Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
But madam is still in the juice!
Let's take my wife under the porch
To your cuckoo egg?
- We’ll take it, of course!
And they began to live and get along
Cherishing the adopted child.
She grew... But, good,
Sometimes she ran away from her family
To the dance. Where the nightingales are
The roulades sang until dawn.
(Cuckoo liked all this).
And then, one day, in the noise of the ball,
She lost her virginity
With the handsome Woodpecker, he, a scoundrel,
He didn’t marry the pullet.
And again you can hear the bitch
Cuckoos bitter "Kuk-ku!"
Now the owl is sitting with the egg.
The moral of the story is:
No matter how you raise a cuckoo,
Such a daughter - what a mother...

FOLLOWING TWO HARES

Glamorous bunny from a cottage village
I wanted to find a worthy groom.
So that he is rich, and at the same time not devoid of sense.
And not outwardly disgusting. For the touch.

But the candidates are all rabbits,
Whose priorities include getting laid.
And she wanted to drown in the love of the elements.
For her there was intimacy without passion - bad manners.

There is no hiding from the chastity of the burden,
And there is a shortage of worthy applicants.
"Well, where are you wandering, my lost knight,
What is generous with gifts and sentiments?

Two appeared on the horizon at once!
Of the noblest, it would seem, persons.
The ruling tandem is like two playboys
They galloped around in search of sympathetic sweethearts.

The bunny rushed towards those noble guests.
How else? It was decided by fate.
But the grooms were provided with an exit plan -
And two big-eared foreheads fled from fate.

The heels of potential suitors sparkled.
The cottage village was soon behind...
"Where are you running, glamorous guys?" -
The bunny was tearing off the delicate curlers from the fur.

But what a disappointment it was
When, having nevertheless overtaken these fugitives,
The bunny recognized that the clothes were fake.
Hidden in masks were two scoundrel rabbits...

The glamorous bunny can't jump on the grass yet, -
Where can she jump, since her belly is impressive?
Fate is complicated, but there are changes in it too, -
Look, some lop-eared guy will pick it up...

THE DOG AND GRANDFATHER MAZAY

God once sent a piece of meat to a dog, -
Poor thing perched on a spruce
(What I haven’t done before in my life -
Yes, the river actually overflowed),
I was just about ready to have breakfast,
Yes, I thought about it...
And she had a piece of meat in her mouth...
As luck would have it, a boat was floating nearby with Mazai.
Mazai saw the bite, -
Mazaya got carried away:
He, taking the oar more comfortably,
Without splashes - he quietly approaches the dog,
Twists the oar
And he doesn’t take his eyes off the meat...
He took aim quietly, barely breathing...
And how it will hit your ears like an oar!
The dog squealed at the top of his lungs,
She sank and began to bleed from the wound...
Mazai has lost peace since then! -
The dog howled at night under the moon -
Louder than the Baskervilles was that howl!
And then I wandered home to Mazai,
He turned gray, became withdrawn, became mute -
And so as not to be too tormented by guilt -
He began saving hares from floods in the spring...
But at night, without knowing why
He drowned the dogs, mooing mysteriously: “Moo-moo”...

Having heard Turgenev, he embellished everything -
Gerasim appears in his story...
And Tolkien scored the last count -
Mazai in his stories - Sméagol...
And we, not knowing the whole truth before,
Grandfather Mazai was turned into a hero!

DRAGONFLY AND ANANT. MODERN FABLE.

On a June day it's hot like summer
Having forgotten about rest for a long time
Spraying gasoline and diesel fuel
Per ant home log
Suddenly in a clearing near a river
he looked up in shock
It's carefree and lazy there
A dragonfly dozed in the shadows
September is already giving way to summer
Rain knocks on the window every other day
Having gotten myself a sweatshirt somewhere
Ant rushing home log
And on a ferry across the river
In the shadow of an umbrella, closing my eyes
To the theater or disco
A dragonfly floats slowly
The damned winter is fierce
The sheepskin coat doesn't keep anything warm
But the ant does not protest -
Two logs dragging through the snow
Got up to rest. He sighed heavily.
And suddenly I saw in the sables
Dashing three horses in harness
racing a dragonfly in their sleigh.
Where are you flying - tell me friend
without knowing the essence of existence?
For leisure
I'm going to a dinner party.
Nice to have a glass of tea
Among talented people
I love the beau monde, tasting the spirit
Witness the birth of ideas...
Having shouldered the logs again
The ant answered her like this:
"You'll see if Krylov is there
Tell him he's an asshole."

DRAGONFLY AND ANT IN GEORGIAN

Paprigunium dragonza,
Abaldelia eyes.
Tselii leta toshka prigal
Vodka guzzled, nagami dredged,
And they work ne hatel!
Patama and no sleeper!
And the warehouse managers got goosebumps,
In the yurt he forced himself into bags -
Tea, apricots, quiche, persimmon...
Stayed away for the winter
And Dragonfly laughed at him,
What a guzzle, naked baltal!
Why are you laughing?
Murash says to him,
Soon the vada will fly from the sky,
Where is yours sitting?
The dragonfly "Ha-Ha" sang,
It flew into the distance and flew away.
Coming soon from neb vada pashol
Dragonfly came to Murash
Wah! Salam! Frost in the steppe!
You let me in.
And back to the Khan's courtyard
I will be your wife.
And Murash puffed on anashka,
-You thought I was a cutie?
For a flatbread, sleep with you?
Do you think you're so stupid??!
The whole summer is just a holiday,
The arak ate, the nagami drigal,
Didn't say hello to me
Kel here! Sing songs!
There is truth in this fable,
If you want to eat deliciously
Let's work,
AND IN WINTER THE NAGA BATTLE!

CROW AND FOX IN GEORGIAN

A rare occurrence smiled at Varon -
The cheese fell on the beak from the sky.
Beautiful cheese byl, round deer
There is a lot of imels in the cheese, which is fragrant.
Varon his cheese ne spruce on spruce,
He eats sel crown oak,
Khotel will try it on his teeth
Already a heavenly souvenir.
Ne listened to the fragrant cheese,
Vertels is like a Rubik's cube,
On the beak of varoniy ne derzhalsa.
The smart fox ran home,
I saw varoniy cheese on the beak,
And stopped for good
At the oak tree, where the birds are cluttered
To the very highest, and prayed:
- Sing, macaw, don’t be shy about the song,
You are the most important SDS soloist.
Varon gardilsa and zvezdilsa,
From black nobil cheese svalilsa
A smart fox to paste.
Varon began to cry. And morality
A wise man has a fable like this:
Sel eat cheese on oak - don't sing!

FLY AND BEE

All day long, flying and buzzing,
A fly was looking for a sweet life.
Cherish every second,
While she is strong and not an old woman

And she was very lucky
Played all-in on the fly lot
To spite enemies, to spite friends
She found spilled honey.

Wings spread wide
Forgetting all the troubles and misfortunes
The fly dived deep
In your suddenly found happiness.

And full of sticky sweetness,
Captivated by pleasure and prosperity
She died in agony
She felt very, very sweet.

Randomly flying bee
Sighed bitterly over the grave
Sometimes fate can be hard!
Apparently I didn’t have enough strength to work!

WOLFHODW

From life being too good,
From boredom and excess energy
The dog killed stray cats
My neighbor was somehow bitten.

The whole village was afraid of him,
He is not a mongrel, a wolfhound,
The concentration of the rules of the ancients,
When: whoever is strong is right.

But the thief sneaked into the yard,
When the owner was a slave,
And the dog with a radiant smile
He gave me a fatty juicy piece of meat.

The house was robbed, the dog got drunk,
The satisfied thief walks away,
The owner trembles like an aspen,
"Fate has reached its conclusion."

The moral is simple: with such dogs
Stand guard at home yourself.

ADVISER

One day, Woodpecker, who was hollowing out a hollow to order,
An idea came to mind: leave the craft
And with the money he earned through carpentry,
Buy a plot of land and build a new house on it.
As soon as Woodpecker took the land and drew a plan,
He immediately began casting the foundation for the object.
Tired, the owner straightened his strained back
And, taking the drawing with him, he sat down on a rowan tree.
While he was relaxing, dreaming big,
Cuckoo and Cuckoo approached him, frolicking.
The cuckoo, although it was not a bird by nature, did not build nests,
He rushed to prove that he is strong in architecture:
"You, Woodpecker, instead of expensive iron and stones
I took better clay and grass - cheaper and faster."
“Really, why,” said the owner, illuminated, “
I’ll roll boulders like I’m a convict!”
The builder Kukush was pleased and inspired,
He sculpted walls from clay and covered the roof with reeds.
When the house was almost ready, bad weather arrived
And the roof was carried away by a squall, and the walls were washed away by a downpour.
Cursing, Woodpecker began to look for an error in the drawing,
But soon he came to the conclusion with annoyance in his soul:
“My mistake was apparently that I listened to Kukush,
Which, bastard, what a house! - did not build a hut."

The funniest fables

HAPPINESS IS WHERE THERE IS LOVE!

Three girls in the evening
Gathered at a friend's house:
We looked through the catalog,
We drank cola and cognac.
We got tired, dreamed,
Slowly we started chatting...

One girl says:
- “If only I met a prince,
I would tell him for everything -
The baby girl gave birth!
But first - a fur coat, a car,
Well, there’s a dacha on Rublyovka!”

Her friend answered:
- “It’s like you fell from an oak tree!”
Nowadays princes are not in honor
We need to shepherd the “daddy”!

So that the “beaver” has gray hair,
Single or widowed,
To keep the bank solid,
To be included in the elite club!

If only I got one like this
I would throw a feast like a mountain!
So that in the evening my wife
And in the morning I’ll be a widow!”

The third girl stood up:
- “That’s no good, girls!
And there will be no use in life
Without love, but by calculation!

Let him not be a prince of elite blood,
And not a respectable “beaver” either!
If only he believed and loved
And he valued his family!”

Two friends laughed
The third durra was called.
We sat and laughed...
Well, we parted for the time being.

Five years have passed since then
How did that conversation go?
And at the behest of the pike
Or fate's favor
Friends met again
Well, we stayed to chat.

The first girl says:
- “You fool, I wanted a prince!”
There is a fur coat, there is also a car,
There is also a dacha on Rublyovka.
Only me at that dacha
Like in a golden cage!
No friends or girlfriends
Crowd of guards around!
I suffer from boredom every day
There’s gold in this cage!”

“Yes-ah,” the second answered,
- If only I had once known
What's the scariest thing in the world?
Be responsible for the life of the “beaver”!
Promised me mountains of gold
And he handed over two contracts,
Believe it or not
I'll fly out the door naked!
And now even a wolf howls
God forbid I become a widow!”

The third girl said:
- “Yes, it’s not sweet for you, sisters!
My Vanyusha is not like that -
Hard-working and simple.
People hold it in higher esteem
Our son and daughter are growing up.
We live in our own house
And we do business together!

Here he is, easy in sight
Together with my daughter and son.
Well, friends, I have to go!
No feather or fluff to you!”

She gave her hand to her husband,
She hugged her son and daughter,
Got into a white Mercedes
This is where the fairy tale ends!

A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it,
A lesson for young offspring!
We remind you again and again:
HAPPINESS IS WHERE THERE IS LOVE!!!

A family of lions without too much fuss
The issue was resolved positively, it seems.
Since then, poverty has not been seen in the forest
(And, by the way, the hares are not noticeable either).

Friends met over the weekend.
Of course, the table was laden with dishes.
There were so many alcoholic drinks there,
Bacchus would hang himself from envy!
The hostess ate and drank a lot.
Without forgetting, she poured it for the guests,
Well, and the dog, from the master's table
She served leftovers every now and then.
There was a dispute about this and that.
We laughed and joked a lot.
The conversation was carried on in a cheerful rhythm,
But, nevertheless, the heroine has become a lot.
She went away to the bedchamber,
After her, the poodle disappeared too.
Her husband pleased his friends all night
And in the morning the picture appeared.
When, at dawn, the guests left,
He sleepily wanted to cling to his beloved,
And then the evil spirits go to bed and appear
Without the need for it necessary.
In the place of the most amiable wife
Chernel with tail, hooves, horns
A disgusting image of the evil Satan,
Cast down to hell long ago by the Gods.
Hand to the switch and bright light
I opened the eyes of my screwed-up husband.
There is no beloved on the bed at all,
But he finds his girlfriend on the floor.
She sleeps on a dog mat,
And the poodle is on her bed.
Let the reader forgive me,
But who of all that evening was the giver?!!
Master, rusty like a gelding in a stable,
He loudly retreated to another box.
And I, I call everyone reading
To learn from mistakes.
The moral here is primitive and simple:
And, if a glorious holiday happened,
Since I wet my lips with nectar,
Make sure you don’t put yourself to shame by overdoing it

WOLF ON A DIET

The Hungry Wolf said to the She-Wolf:
- I miss the bird so much.
I won’t refuse lamb either.
His thigh is so delicious!
“Calm down,” said the She-Wolf, “
Or have you forgotten that it’s no good,
Even children know about this
Dreaming about meat on a diet?!
- I, dear, know too,
But I’m just melting from hunger.
There is a veil before my eyes.
Prey is often not visible.
And even if something is visible,
I can't catch up. What a shame!
My health plummeted as if into oblivion.
I'll have to stop my diet.
Even though cholesterol is high,
I'm still a wolf, not a donkey.
Read, reader, this fable,
Before you go on a diet!

DRAGONFLY AND ANANT

Jumping Dragonfly
She didn't know her stuff:
I danced the entire repertoire,
Forgetting about the brakes.

She knows different styles
You yourself must understand
Instantly the dancer was promoted
On posters all over the country.

There is no respite on tours,
There are no traces of the old days,
The Notorious Ant
The impresario is with her.

And the dragonfly tribe grows,
Having fun from the heart.
This is what it means nowadays
“So go and dance!”

TWO LOAFS OF SAUSAGE (FABLE)

One day two loaves of sausage
Before stepping on the scale,
We talked quite frankly.
The Russian loaf behaved arrogantly!
“Do you know?” he said: after all, my parent-
Our native Russian manufacturer,
It’s not like you were born abroad,
Shining and smelling dude!"
“Perhaps I’m a dude,” he answered in tone
Beautiful imported loaf -
But look at yourself now.
There is nothing Russian inside you:
Lard was brought from Germany,
And the factory bought the meat from Italy!
And so that weight gain would be felt,
They put a Spanish additive in you.
Just a shell, like from Russia,
It makes everything better, more beautiful.
But the shell is like a condom
Which will hide any negativity.
And here I am, an imported loaf.
Produced abroad.
But according to the same recipe,
Where there are no traces of Russian dope:
Without soy, raw material substitutes.
That's why I look like a dude."
-MORALITY-
It doesn't matter where the loaf was born.
It should be healthy and tasty!
No need to use a condom -
The child must be healthy and beautiful!

Mice one fine evening,
(Sorry about the stamp)
Vaska the cat invited to a meeting
Movements "Cats to mice!"

Vaska the cat (current Vasily)
Presented the block he created...
(Apparently, he was beaten a little
Because the lard was dragged away.)

I've been friends with mice since childhood! -
He said, licking his mustache,
-My slogan is for all mice to have dinner
Swiss, but free, cheese!

I solemnly give you my word, -
Here he licked his lips again,
- What about banning mousetraps?
I will push the law.

The mice squealed: “Vaska is a darling!”
What eyes he has! -
Giving it to him unanimously
Sympathy and voices.

To thunderous applause
Vaska the cat said he was glad
HAVE such an intelligent
And a loyal electorate,

Thinking: -And delicious too!-
Left with a young mouse...

With the moral of this sad fable
Figure it out for yourself, my reader!

FABLE OF THE GREEK

Once upon a time a very wise Greek
hastily built a pirogue,
said that there are no rivers in the world
in which there is no ford.
He said and launched it into the water
its not cunning structure,
leaned on the oars as hard as I could,
trying to cope with the current.
…
The rapids have passed, before him
river silence - slanting shallows,
suddenly he sees a miracle: there is no burbot,
not tench, not bream, not catfish, not perch.
Six paws, whiskers, claws and a tail,
well, definitely a caterpillar track,
and when he looks, he gets diarrhea
and I will back away like a cancer.
"Who are you?" - asked our brave Greek.
“Well, answer me quickly,
I've walked a lot of rivers,
but I haven’t seen anything worse.”
Silent like a fish, only with its tail
the sand is quietly raking in.
Our Greek wanted him with an oar,
then I thought: what if it breaks!
And you won’t pass by either,
so you can seem like a coward,
and even the deadest ruff
the Greek will be mocked.
…
And now the Greek has five
hidden under the muddy water,
If he would be by the tail, but no, in the claw...
The echo howled over the river for a long time!!!

This fable has only one idea:
don't crawl into the river with your hands,
what if there is a crocodile fish
or even worse - piranha!

THE WOLF AND THE WOLF WORK (FABLE)

In one neglected forest
With thicket and swamp
The wolf came to settle down
For wolf work.

Covering gray hair with resin,
And sprinkled the wool with nectar,
The gray one comes to the boar,
Head of HR.

And straight to the point, they say, teeth
As long as there is enough
You see, I’m ready to work
Specifically, in a wolf pack.

The boar grunted as if he was waiting
Another statement.
- But you are a wolf, not a jackal? -
He sniffles indignantly.

What the hell else is a jackal?
The applicant was taken aback.
- Well, consider it a miss.
You're in our woods, buddy.

The boar smelled its butt on the stump,
He squinted slyly:
- Our staff is filled with wolves
A brigade of jackals.

Are there jackals in the forest?.. These are the times -
The wolf mumbles in an obvious trance. -
Or maybe... you have this
Other vacancies?

I could be just like a fox
Catch mice and birds.
The boar laughs:
- Oh, come on!
We no longer have chanterelles.

Instead they live in the forest
Visiting hyenas.
It's not like foxes are plowing here
Resignedly in three shifts.

So I would have become a rabbit.
Let them teach me. -
The wolf babbles. - It's a shame
But if the opportunity arises...

The boar laughs:
-Wah, I'm going to die!
You obviously got drunk!
We've had kangaroos for a long time
Here they jump instead of hares.

So should I just die?
The wolf exclaimed in despair.
- Come on, where is the bear sitting?
Toptygin, your boss?!

Bear-f-eat! - grunted like a chant,
Boar. - Well, you're great.
They even forgot the word. a lion
We now have a kingdom.

So where did I end up, boar? -
The wolf begs with a dull look.
Boar in response:
- Started by Satan
Take you to the Russian forest.

But only here we have now
Big changes -
Other fauna and animals
According to new thinking.

We don't even have a beaver in the river.
But there are hippos there,
Kulik, having collected water in his beak,
Flamingham surrendered the swamp.

Yes, I’ll tell you, myself
I warm the chair for the boa constrictor.
So, come on. Adju. Salam.
Look for another place.

TOPTYGIN AND CLUBFOOT

Together the joy rises,
Sprinkling more intrigue!
The wedding is walking through the whole forest, -
Toptygin is getting married today.
Grabbing the nice wifey
By the side, bear, playfully,
He strokes her gently with his paw, -
An irresistible diva.

All the forest inhabitants are happy, -
Happiness has come to their reserve!
Only there were connivancers,
They brought tar into the holiday.
The murmur began quietly:
"Look, there will be a wife
Clearly a little clubfooted!
Judging by her lameness..."

After the honeymoon
No consolation for Toptyzhka!
Everything goes on. He thinks. He's mad!
I took it all too closely.
How could it be otherwise, since they are dripping?
Moose, foxes and wolves:
“Why did you take the clubfoot?
What, couldn’t you find a softer wither?”

Toptygin started drinking. Tormented.
Is there a defect in the spouse?
Looks like he's trying to do housework,
Just like in family leisure.
Knits, washes and cooks.
There are no complaints about intimacy either.
But still, clubfoot, -
If you take qualifications in the taiga...

Well, disdain ridicule
Animals don't gather!
If the hares are drunk
They're talking about Clubfoot.
"Why am I still humbly
Did you allow them to be insulted?" -
Thought Toptyzhka, despicable
Changing feelings for vengeance...
There is a new churchyard in the reserve.
Nowadays there is only one grave there.
Who said at that holiday
“About my dear clubfoot”?

And there are more people with disabilities.
They partially have no legs.
Mishka's honor was amused,
Even if it’s not entirely ethical.

What concerns Clubfoot, -
She became "Mrs. Forest."
She is now admired.
The press often writes about her.

There's no moral to the story
There is no other reason for it.
There are only moratoriums for now
Blame and reproach!

EGG

Pestrushka laid an egg
Huge, like six kilos
Sensation! For the first time in the world!
There was no such thing
Correspondents, journalists
Publicists from abroad
And Guinness with his book
Wants to make an entry in it.
They all rush to the chicken coop
And they ask for an interview
Ready camera notebook:
-Tell us, Mother Pestrushka
How could you do this with Rooster?
Lay a giant egg?
“It’s a secret,” Kura tells them,
And he looks languidly into the distance.
-What are you planning next?
-Oh, you should all go away from here.
And at a distance the Rooster stands
And he glances sideways at everyone.
Correspondents all come to him
Questions are thrown at the rooster
-Tell me how you could do this
Lay a giant egg?
“Secret,” he mutters through his teeth.
And he looks very angrily into the distance.
-What are your plans for the future?
-The dream does not give rest,
I should take karate lessons,
To punch Ostrich in the face.

AT DAWN YOU DON'T WAKE HER

One rooster found a great job:
He hired himself to work in the chicken coop,
Crow something in the morning
And wake people up in time.
However, life is full of tragedies.
And soon at the neighbors' house
The young rooster began to crow.
It was a shame for the old man.
And he began to crow early,
While the neighbor was still dozing.
But he didn't wait long for revenge
And even earlier he screamed...
The night was getting shorter.
They started singing so early,
What is this singing to endure
The owners lost their breath.
Finally from the rooster
Only the giblets remained
But even they were eaten by the cat.

There is very little moral here:
Everyone needs to know that success in life
It’s not about crowing before everyone else.

Cool fables on new way

There is commotion in the night forest,
And what's the reason?
Shere Khan, you heard, is dead!
Dead, you bastard!
Come on, sing, come on, dance
From heavenly manna!
Is it really such a blessing?
Came off unexpectedly?
A wolf and a crocodile are frolicking,
Cows moo
- He was, in fact, the King,
Very shitty
Far from good ideas
Forest culture.
Let him please people
With your own skin!
There will be no bloodshed in the jungle
And it's love
Go and reproach him
Because - Teeth...
The badger and the rhinoceros squeal,
Well, like children
-Yes, he’s in every corner here.
I marked myself
-He should have rested long ago
Until I go crazy
Knocking your head against a tree
Spotted by a woodpecker
The jackal howls at the star
Is it just necessary?
- Without him, I’ll find him, I’ll find him.
What carrion
And let the hunters for now
Didn't make a face
I'll take the donkey with me,
Maybe it will help!
My rotten fangs
His horseshoes!
Really evil men
We'll tear anyone up! .....
The trouble was there, the trouble is gone
It became calmer.
They do their business in the forest
Donkey with jackal
An unprecedented offspring began,
And there would be peace.
The forest people have just become
Sick and poor
Klykov, sharpened steel
Alien to the poet
Every fable has a moral
This one doesn't have it.

CAT VASILY

The cat Vasily had a habit of walking and marking everything,
Over everything he came across, he performed his vile ritual.
He was warned a hundred times, asked, even begged,
But everything was not enough for the asshole, and here’s the result: he was gone.
Anyone can understand morality, remember it yourself, tell someone else,
To avoid trouble, don't piss on the wires.

God sent a piece of cheese to a crow somewhere!
And then smoothly - everyone remembers the fable.
But I'll tell you how it was,
From someone else's words, everything is awry.

In fact, this is our bird
As usual, I was looking for something to steal.
She especially loved to profit,
Where it’s unattended and at least shines.

Here the behavior, alas, resembles
A restless army of officials:
They act like that crow
They're looking to see what piece they can snatch!

And so, one day flying past a construction site,
Not communism, a little smaller,
On metal scaffolding at the counter
I saw Brie cheese - the piece I was looking for!

It was not intended for feeding
Another uninvited guest.
A container glittered nearby - it clearly means
What did you think of going for a walk as a team!

However, having confused the plans of peaceful people,
The crow dragged away their Bree.
It's time to climb onto the gantry cranes,
But it is known that the cheese was not found that time!

We don't steal and we don't watch,
Although on the ball, there are no words here.
The fox has nothing to do with it - she’s under bullets
It was in vain that Grandfather Krylov set him up!

HARE AND BIRCH

Near a lonely birch tree,
The little hare warmed the blood, cutting circles.
When it gets cold in January,
If you don’t want to freeze, save yourself, run.

And the hare ran, making a path
So much so that the wind whistled in my ears.
A hundred laps like that, doing a warm-up,
A couple more hundred, but no longer in a hurry.

But somehow lumberjacks came to those parts
They got seriously involved in the work on a grand scale,
Having knocked down a birch tree shamelessly and rudely,
And that cross-eyed one froze at baptism.

The little bunny fell victim to his own stupidity,
The frail little body was frozen in the cold.
He was too attached to the birch tree alone,
And look in the forest, there are so many of them growing there.

CAT THREATS

The Cat shouted to Sparrow:
- Tweet once and I’ll kill you!
...If the threats were carried out,
We would be left without the Sparrows.

Once upon a time Swan, Crayfish and Pike
We were able to pull the cart out of the river,
Even though only Swan pulled it out - that’s the thing! -
With Pike, Cancer, the cart was pulled into the water.

Nobody knew that there was no harmony there, -
And they gave a bonus to the entire brigade.

It's time to divide the money, but how?
- Let's drink them! - Cancer took the floor.
And Pike shouted: “I agree! Quite!
I’ve been wanting a drink for a long time!”

Well,” the Swan hissed, “let it be so!”
We buzzed until the morning with Pike Cancer.
But why two? The question is glaring.
But because our Swan is a non-drinker!

SHRIMP

Provincial shrimp
Now a glamorous coquette.
Receptions, patties, nude shooting,
Lobsters with crabs on the menu,
Five pairs of unnecessary skis,
Voyages to Nice and Paris,
The house is four km away. From MKAD,
A wide circle of cicada friends,
Husband, black-winged bark beetle,
- Owner of factories and newspapers.

But the spleen took possession of the shrimp,
Such that it’s time to cry, damn it!
Everything happened, I apologize
From the drunken bliss of satiety.

The psychologist bumblebee whispered to this:
“Fall in love! Find a bug for the summer!
Pollen to the flower! Flower on the stigma!
It will dissolve by itself
Your melancholy! Go ahead, baby!
The shrimp obeyed the bumblebee.

The soul was waiting for someone!
And I waited, that’s the point!
Meet the pink infant,
Squid Roman. Rock musician.

And away we go... Romance with Roman,
Singer, poet, drug addict,
Burned with a secret fire:
Dorm, club, attic, basement...

Having learned about the pranks, the bark beetle
I decided to have a beer at lunchtime,
And grinning, evil and crooked,
He ordered shrimp to go with his beer.

(The flower was not covered in pollen for long!)
She was found and... in boiling water!

This is the conflict between soul and body.
Read the tragedy "Othello".

MOSQUITO AND FLY

Everyone knows it a long time ago
There is a log in someone else's eye.
Well, in your own eye, however,
Some guy is sitting there,
Which will inflate a mosquito,
Blows a fly into a whole elephant.
And there will be an elephant over a mosquito
Buzz both in the evening and during the day.

Look, a mosquito! What I am
I can eat you now.
The mosquito thought and said.
-Oh! Don't make a scandal.
Someday you will burst from anger,
Then I will live richly.

Well, you can’t wait, you’re bloated,
I'm no longer an elephant, a pompous turkey.

Ha! Ha! Turkey! Oh I can't
You tell this to the enemy.
The mosquito said and instantly fell silent.
There was a loud bang.

Well, that's what kind of prophet I am,
He taught you a lesson.

The moral of the fable is -
Don't see the beam in someone else's eye.

From the virgin woman Esther,
On the extreme, 7th floor,
There lived a black cat Vasily -
Not a kitten for a long time.

The old lady is bigger than anyone in the world
Loved him like a mother
However, observing virtue,
The cat was not allowed to go for walks.

Vasily was flexible in character,
But still, every spring
He screamed heart-rendingly with a hoarse meow,
Overwhelmed by evil passion.

Granny took the broom,
Leaving your eternal ball,
She insisted: “Vasya,
Meow quietly, honey!

And, with a little slap on the backside,
She said, mourning madly:
"Are stray cats really
How much do they confuse you?

From them - only infection and fleas,
Quiet your sinful flesh.
Oh, Vasenka, how bad it is!” -
But a cat is also a cat in Africa.

As soon as the old lady took a nap,
Leaving the ball on the floor,
Vasenka the cat jumped from the chair,
Shit on every corner

And jumped right out the window
(Until they drove me away).
Now he's on the roof for all the cats
He sings sonnets about mice.

The moral here is a bit worthwhile -
After all, any tattered cat knows,
That he who argues with nature
He will only get nasty things. Here

Three girls were spinning under the window late in the evening.
“If I were a queen,” says one girl, “I would prepare a feast for the whole baptized world!”
“If I were a queen,” says her sister, “I would have woven fabrics for the whole world alone!”
Third: “If only, if only... If only a man!”

WELL, HARE - WAIT!

The wolf was urgently taken to the hospital
A beautiful fox wife.
In such a multi-story building,
What is called "maternity hospital".
For centuries there was a war with the fox,
And here you have your wife!
The deadline has come for the fox too
A son was about to be born.
The wolf began to preen:
I got myself a light suit,
I washed myself with soap, combed my hair,
Covered in cologne.
I caught a taxi, bought flowers,
100 grams is enough for courage,
I ate some sausage and cheese,
The wolf drove towards the maternity hospital.
He has arrived, they are already waiting for him
And they carry a blue package.
The wolf gave all the flowers to the nannies,
And he carefully took his package.
He carefully got into the taxi
And he ordered me to go quietly.
The road has become unbearable
Find out if your son looks like a wolf.
I languished with thoughts, endured,
He decided and looked.
I opened the sheet a little,
My mouth opened in surprise...
I felt a disgusting feeling in my chest,
“Well, hare,” he shouted, “wait!..”

Spreading his paws from a flower petal,
Spider-poet read poetry arrogantly
And the breeze played verses, lightly,
The words spread throughout the forest instantly.
A crowd of dung flies scurried around,
For a moment, one of them, interrupting the flight,
She hummed quietly and sarcastically:
"Wow! Me too, I found a poetic poet."
But the spider was not embarrassed by ridicule,
I didn’t listen to the spider’s hurtful words,
Sang about love and blue distances,
About the shine of lagoons of golden sands,
Like a drop of dew flowing down like a tear,
Like a ray of sunshine illuminated the east,
And the speech attracted the fly more and more,
And the poor thing sobbed into her proboscis.
And the spider, in a fit of voluptuousness,
He invited her to become his bride -
A star of captivating happiness,
He promised to weave a dress for the wedding:
"Look how thin my thread is,
And the lace curls in an intricacy.
My silks are not from dung beetles,
And from a tenth generation weaver."
And the fly could not disagree.
The silly rascal listened to him,
And then everything is just as they say,
The losses, the flies, did not notice the fighter.
Don't listen to the poets, flies are fools.
Don't get hooked anymore
And take care of your slender figures.
I kiss you deliciously... on the proboscis! Smack!

The reader will ask: “Where is the morality here?”
Morals have been rolled into a cobweb like a fly.

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