What to do if nothing works out. Nothing works out in life, what to do. They don't handle adversity well

Human life is akin to a roller coaster - slow ascents, sharp descents. “Time to cry, time to laugh,” said the wisest King Solomon. This felt especially good as a child. Laughed, then cried - and life goes on. But what to do if it seems that you have stayed too long at the bottom, and the time of crying is not replaced by joy? Moreover, why doesn’t anything work out in your personal life?

When a person has to fight with someone, first he studies the enemy - who he is, what his strengths, which will help defeat him. When we're talking about about a fight with “nothing works”, tactics should not change. It is worth exploring the reasons why it seems that nothing is working out in life? What to do? You need to delve into yourself and find the root.

Why doesn't anything work out in life?

If a child tells his parents that he is unable to study and get good grades, he will often receive the answer that it is a matter of lack of effort. Effort is, of course, important and necessary, but it is unlikely that anyone will try if they do not believe that they are able to achieve results. Therefore, there are several reasons why nothing works out in life:

1. Lack of self-confidence.
2. Lack of clear goals and understanding of what exactly is not working out in life.
3. Learned helplessness.
4. Unfavorable attitude towards failure.

But this can be dealt with. So, first things first...

Oh, what a mighty man!

First of all, you need to realize huge scale your abilities. Believe in yourself.

There is a well-known case in one of the schools - a boy could not run normally and do other exercises because of his bones, which were not fused correctly. And the physical education teacher made concessions to him, lowering the bar for him. However, this teacher left and another took his place. The new teacher was categorical and did not intend to make exceptions for anyone, so the boy, in order to get a test, had to run the distance as quickly as the rest. He had no choice but to train and run. At the end of the year, he passed the test and ran twice as fast as before. Moreover, he stopped constantly falling and began to walk normally.

This story is about how man is capable of miracles. Remember how you did a job in a day that seemed to take ten times as long. Or how quickly they ran away from the dog, climbed a tree out of fear, or jumped over a high fence. Or how some knowledge suddenly surfaced during exams. This is how a person becomes a capable being. Therefore, there is no need to belittle your abilities.

It will be useful to keep a notebook in which to write down all your successes, even the most seemingly insignificant ones.

The Power of Clarity

Instead of saying that nothing works out in life, it’s better to be more specific about what you mean by “nothing”? What should happen? What do you want to achieve so badly? It is very difficult to achieve abstract goals: I want to lose weight, I want to become more confident, I want Good work. It’s better this way: I’ll do exercises every day and approach strangers and ask for directions at least once a day.

Clarity of goals and their measurability are the basic necessity for something to start working out in life. Take some time, sit down, think in detail about what you want from life. Then break the goal into parts, into small steps, into simple tasks. After all, you definitely manage to wake up in the morning, talk, read, cook. This means that we can no longer say that nothing works out in life.

Errors?

If you have both efforts and faith, but still nothing in life works out, do not despair. You need to approach this not with emotions, but with cold prudence. Think about what exactly you are doing? What could be the reason for failure? How can they be solved?

If you do it and it doesn’t work, then you’re doing it wrong. This means that everything can be fixed. Why do people live in the world if not to learn?

Promotion

When you finally succeed, be sure to give yourself something. Buy what you dreamed of, or what you couldn’t afford for some reason. Allow yourself to relax, watch a movie or go to a theater, museum, or cinema. This will help motivate yourself and show the subconscious that it’s very healthy to act.

What do you need to remember if nothing works out?

Sometimes you need to look at things from the other side. Develop a view of failures so that they do not destroy you from within. Here’s some advice for you: when things don’t work out in life, remember the following:

1. The biggest fears are illusion. Sometimes you just need to stop, look at your hands, and understand - these are the hands that you control. You decide what to do with them, you decide what to say with your lips, and you also decide where to point your feet. Don't give in to fears, look at them from the outside. There is a known case when one day at the dacha a man decided to burn a box, and he first shook everything out of it. Mice fell out of there - a mother and her babies. At first, the mother of the mice got scared and began to run away, but then, obviously, she came to her senses and returned to protect her little mice from the giant man. If a mouse can overcome fear, then even more so can a person do it. By the way, the mice were not harmed; the box was returned to them.
2. Everything flows, everything changes. There is no such unique person for whom everything is stable: constantly bad or good.
3. Patience is not waiting. Patience is about hard work and trying to maintain a positive attitude. You need to move, even if it’s a little.
4. What can be changed must be changed. You should always focus on what can be changed, instead of lamenting what is already unchanged. A person cannot erase a past mistake or failure, but he can change his attitude towards it.
5. Be kind to yourself. Quizzes, tests, dictations, poetry - people received grades for all this at one time. Because of this, it is so difficult to understand that the result and its evaluation are not so important, but the process itself. You overcame shyness and started talking to the person - great! The result is no longer important here, it doesn’t matter what you looked like. What matters now is that you are one step higher than yesterday. Be kind to yourself and praise yourself.
6. Great achievements take time. It is important to remember that you need to go towards your goals patiently and not pick fruits that are not yet ripe. Waiting for the result can be pleasant, enjoy the process of achieving your goals.
7. Life is an adventure. It is impossible to achieve anything without inconvenience and risk. Leaving your comfort zone is very difficult, but it is worth it. You can just give yourself a try, and then decide whether it was worth it or not.

Stupid elephant?

There is such a thing as learned helplessness. It manifests itself in cases where a person is not able to control his life (for example, when parents do everything for their children, or when failure after failure falls on a person).

When something like this happens in life, a person stops believing that he can do something. Such a person thinks: “My achievements are thanks to you, and my failures are because of me,” or “Yes, perhaps many people can cope with this, but not me.”

Here we can use the elephant as an example. They are tamed from childhood by tying their legs with a rope. They are then so weak that they cannot tear it, so they try and try - but all to no avail. Then they stop their attempts, because they seem pointless. Moreover, when the elephant becomes huge, he is tied with the same rope, because the elephant has already decided that he cannot break this rope. That's how he remembered it. And he doesn’t even understand that now he has enough strength to even tear down a tree, let alone break a rope.

How to deal with learned helplessness?

In fact, it is possible to cope with learned helplessness, even if it has been going on since childhood. To do this, you should:

1. Find something you can control.
2. Think constructively. You need to try to approach problems without emotions.
3. Move towards your goals in small steps.
4. Celebrate victories.

In principle, almost the same as what was described in detail above. Learned helplessness is a separate topic that is worth studying if it seems that nothing in life is working out.

So. Why doesn't anything work out in life? Answer: because there is no faith, no clear goals, and there are too many emotions. Just try to take steps, and as life begins to change, faith in yourself and your abilities will grow.

Losers don't value their time at all. Any successful person will tell you that time is our most valuable resource. People who achieve success value time even more than money. What's your job? We read Twitter, visited a site like Fishki.net or Bash.im, liked photos on Facebook and VKontakte.

But you make plans every year. Every year you promise yourself that “this year I will really work.” And everything is new. Your plans are not destined to come true.

This is because you are not devoting the required amount of time to completing tasks. Learn to manage your time, learn to say “no” - this will be a good step towards success in any area of ​​your life.

2. You're not doing things that align with your goals. Again nothing works.

It's not difficult to make decisions when you know what your values ​​are. Roy Disney

Outsiders confuse busyness with productivity. It is a mistaken belief that productivity directly depends on employment. That's why losers take on everything. They take part in anything. As a result, they scatter their efforts into nowhere. The only thing they don't focus their efforts on is their goals and their values.

Write down your goals and strategy for achieving them. This will help you determine where you really need to focus your efforts. “The more important you consider it, the more likely you will accomplish a task.”

3. You don't take responsibility. I don't think anything will work out.

Yes, your boss really is an asshole and you really hate your job. But this is not a reason to do everything mediocre. You are paid to be at work and to do your job well.

We must strive for excellence regardless of the circumstances. This is called maturity and wisdom. Losers are quite happy with bad grades. And they don't think about becoming better. One of the main rules of life is that it returns the effort you put in.

4. You limit yourself. I tried, but nothing worked.

“I’m just bad with numbers”, “I’m really bad at languages”, “My brain is not capable of learning programming”, “I’m not tough enough to run my own business” - these are all phrases of losers. They limit themselves.

Forget that you have a limited set of skills and abilities. Stop thinking that everyone around you is smarter than you. This is the wrong way. Put in more effort, give it your all. Then you will be successful.

5. You are a master of excuses. Nothing works out at work.

Losers always look for logical reasons for their failures. They look for reasons why they shouldn't have done something. And yet they find them. Losers go overboard with what is called “being realistic.”

They constantly find excuses for their inactivity. They could have just tried it instead. As soon as your brain starts looking for an excuse, you need to stop it and activate the mechanism that triggers the desire to do something.

6. You don't know how to communicate and treat people. Nothing ever works out.

You can easily judge a person's character by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. Johann Goethe

Losers have no social skills. “At least I’m being honest,” “I am who I am, deal with it,” these are the phrases that losers say. Unsuccessful people behave arrogantly without any reason to do so.

Who likes show-offs? So don't be one! It's very easy to be nice and polite to someone you like. And you try to behave well with someone from whom you cannot get anything.

There is an excellent expression that The best way to check a person's character is to look at his behavior in line and his attitude towards the service staff. Another good way get to know a person - look at his reaction when you ruin his thing.

7. You put everything off until later. I'm afraid nothing will work out.

The funny thing is that losers call themselves the fashionable word “procrastinators.” And they are absolutely not ashamed of it. They don't understand the value of time at all. They are quite content to live in yesterday. Losers live as if they have another life left.

But in reality, no one has the opportunity to pause life or rewind a little. Realize that you are dying from the moment you are born. Every day is a gift. You can do whatever you want, but keep in mind that tomorrow may not exist.

8. You don't act. I can't change anything.

Do it today. Tomorrow you will thank yourself for this. Les Brown

This is too simple a rule for losers. Losers prefer to think rather than act. They speak beautifully, dream and plan beautifully. But unsuccessful people lack the impetus to take action. Stop dreaming - start doing!

9. You don't know how to deal with difficulties. How to succeed in life?

There is one legend. It says that once upon a time there lived a shepherd who was small in stature and was not a warrior. He looked at the giant and said: “I will overcome you and cut off your head!” - and did it.

The tests are only as difficult as you imagine and as your weakness allows. Losers don't understand this and quickly give up. They give up the moment the situation becomes uncomfortable.

Why doesn't anything work out in life? It seems like I’ve already learned so much, gone through so many trainings, and read a bunch of books. But as soon as something starts to change - and again back, again nothing works out.

What to do and how to deal with it? Well, what is this - stupidity? Or is it just not fate? Where can I find the answer?

Or maybe everyone around is lying that everything is fine with them and just smiling in public? And then they come home and take off their carnival outfit. What about the children? So they grow up with the understanding that life is divided into parts: when they see me, I am happy, and when no one is there, I am unhappy and lost.

What to do? Every day it’s all over again, nothing works. Real groundhog days. Maybe don't go to bed?

Well, yes, of course, I want it quickly, I want it straight to the goal. But it doesn’t work out - and I’m cooling down, I’m worried, I don’t want to waste any more time on this... And again into the swamp... Nothing works out...

Thoughts arise - maybe you don’t want it so much? I'm better off in my swamp - everything is clear here: there is no happiness, but there is peace... But this is depressing. And again there is no strength... No life...

Nothing works at all - how to find the answer?

What is the reason for such conditions? What is actually missing from a person who sets goals, but nothing works out for him, or it doesn’t work out the way he wants.

If we understand the situation more deeply, then very often we may not see the real reasons why something does not work out. And therefore, we come to disappointment. It's like climbing a mountain with a huge bag of stones on your back - they seem to be unnecessary and drag you down. But we want to get to the top so much that we can’t take the time to unburden ourselves.

A bag of stones or jewelry?

It is so conceived by nature that everything should grow and develop, be in motion. But the whole burden of the life we ​​have lived, which we often carry - consisting of grievances, lacks, false attitudes, etc., pulls us down, often knocking off course and direction. And as a result, again there is a feeling that nothing is working out in life at all.

Only by sorting out our pebbles and getting rid of false attitudes that unconsciously put pressure on us can we move on and find answers to all our questions, understand why something does not work out in life as we would like. By understanding our parents, grandparents, teachers, we turn our load of stones into a value that gives strength.

What does it take for everything in life to start working out the way you want?

Sometimes we can even feel our potential, our capabilities and say: “I could become...” or “As a child I wanted to become...”. But it’s as if we have no connection with the picture that our imagination paints. Why is that?

According to System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, all the desires that we have do not appear just like that. They have a clear basis, all the possibilities of being realized,

We live in a world that is driven by success. Successful career. To a successful family. Successful appearance. We are surrounded by success stories from all sides, our feeds are overflowing with happy mothers with ribbons in their hair and smart, photogenic children in their arms, former colleagues who quit smoking and now run marathons every day after breakfast, and distant acquaintances who constantly win tenders and complete cool projects, make films, launch rockets into space and move this world while we delve into our routine.

And although we understand that the picture on the social network does not reflect reality much, although we know in theory that if you dig deeper, then behind every success story there is most likely a series of failures preceding it, it is very difficult to get rid of this external pressure. Especially when we ourselves can’t do anything. Once again!

failures

Failures are hard to experience: failure at work (and scratches on your professional pride), failures in your personal life (and wounds in your heart) - all this is a rather traumatic experience. However, at the moment of despair that covers you when you realize that nothing is working out, and all your efforts have gone to waste, and it is unclear what to do next, and there is no strength to start all over again - at this very moment it is important to pull yourself together and realize that there are no “failures”. There is a result, and any result can become a starting point for something new if you use the potential of the moment wisely.

What to do when nothing works out?

Take a break

Stop, stop beating your paws on circumstances, like a frog that got into a can of milk. Something didn’t work out for you, you gained experience and will move on in life. The most important thing is not to let panic, despair and resentment towards the world, yourself and the evil Saturn, who entered the constellation Cygnus and spoiled you from there, provoke you into stupid actions (words that you later want to take back, but it will be too late, or burning bridges that will then have to be built again...).

The best thing you can do when you can't do anything is stop.

Print out the mantra “great things take time”

And before you dive into the well of self-criticism, do something useful: go to Google and look for stories of great success. You'd be surprised how many stupid things successful people do before achieving anything. It's completely normal to make mistakes and try several times before finding your way. You are doing everything right, you are hitting the bumps: every bump will serve you well in the future, you will see.

Read this post about criticism and unjustified expectations, and stop doing it.

use the “detached viewing” technique

When you finish poisoning yourself with pithy internal monologues from the series “what a fool you are!!!”, and feel ready to again be an adult responsible for your actions, try to look at everything that you have done as detached as possible. In such situations, coaches suggest remembering your project as if you were watching a movie - literally imagine yourself from the outside. Where did your project begin, when did the first problems begin, how did you react - this helps to better see where exactly you made a mistake, and at what point something went wrong.

Maybe you initially set yourself an unattainable goal? Or did you run out of time and resources? After going through all this experience, what would you do differently if you knew what you know now at the beginning of the project?

You'll be surprised at all the interesting things your friends and colleagues can tell you about your failure if you ask them the right questions. The general formulation “What to do?!” leave it to Chernyshevsky to get useful information, ask for specific advice on the topic of a project that didn’t work out (“What should I do to still get a job at this company?”, “How to avoid getting into a relationship with a married man again?”, “How to teach a child to love vegetables?”, “How to make renovations in an apartment without killing the foreman?...”).

Listen to different opinions and choose for yourself what helps you understand the reasons for failure.

Rethink and move on

Perhaps nothing works out for you simply because you initially took on something that is completely not yours. And continuing to put effort into a project that has already failed (personal or work) makes no sense. Or perhaps you just made a number of mistakes that can be corrected, and you just need to change your approach to business. Or tools. Or find additional resources. Or a partner. Or... In general, you understand: before giving up and abandoning an idea, evaluate its potential; it is quite possible that it is worth moving on by changing tactics and strategy.

The only thing you definitely shouldn’t do is continue in the same spirit and hope for a new result, this definitely won’t happen.

Plan the next steps

Success depends on many factors, among which talent and perseverance do not always play the main role. If you are making an effort and there is no result, then stop, rethink what you are doing, develop new strategy and only then move on.

Perhaps you need additional training? Or advice from a professional psychologist? Or a heart-to-heart conversation for which you need to create a trusting atmosphere? Think about what could be the turning point, the magic kick that will turn your failure into success and give you the acceleration you need. Plan your steps, set yourself a time frame, draw a beautiful plan and move on.

Life consists of failures and achievements, without the first there is no second, since any failure is a valuable experience. And someday, when you post a photo on social networks with the tag “I did it!”, you will definitely thank fate for this experience.

What do you do when nothing works out for you? Do you have any proven ways to avoid doing something stupid? What tactics do you use in such situations?

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