Why good employees are not appreciated. What to do if you are not appreciated at work? Exemplary mother and housewife

HRTimes #29

When I was 13 years old, I experienced my first strong disappointment “in life and in people.” I was finishing seventh grade. Throughout the school year, I received good grades, attended school events, played the piano in school concerts, and was actively involved in community service, which, I admit, is not very typical for me. And at the end of the school year, the best students are given certificates and gifts. I was sure that I would also receive an award. But they didn't give me anything. That is, my successes and involvement in the life of the class were not noticed by anyone. class teacher, neither other teachers, nor our headman. It was a shame. Then the bitter feeling of lack of recognition quickly passed and gave way to other impressions. But the memory, as you see, remains.

Recently, my client, the head of a department of a large company, a charismatic, team-oriented, enthusiastic person, shared a rather natural, but sad fact. He asked people in his department to add a simple question to the annual employee engagement survey: “Do you feel that your manager recognizes your merits, successes, results?” The answer options are no less simple: “yes”/“no”. This manager spends a lot of time with his employees, discusses current issues with them, regularly gives feedback and, importantly, tries to praise those who completed the next project on time and successfully, achieved a significant result, and made an interesting proposal. But what answer did most employees give? To the bewilderment and regret of the head of the department, the answers were mostly negative. Despite his managerial efforts, people still feel insufficiently recognized. The fact is sad, but, alas, quite predictable. Confession is never enough. The world around us treats us more indifferently than we deserve.

I’ll be honest, my dear clients, after getting acquainted with the results of their own “360 degree” assessment or socio-mapping, are often disappointed to the point of tears - in their colleagues, the company and the general world order. Everyone thought they were better, more efficient and more popular than they ended up being. By the way, one of the most “rated” and “recognized” managers also complained about the “undervaluation” and indifference of others: “Yes, they recognize me in the team as long as I am around and bring value, but as soon as I got sick, they immediately forgot about me. No, they don’t really appreciate me.”

But here we need to separate work and private life. When we are sick, we are supported by family and friends, but not always by our co-workers. In case of work difficulties, you can count on your team, but hardly on your friendly circle.

“Why do you think you are underestimated?” - I asked different employees. The answers are typical. Some people who have an external locus of control blame others for everything. “I have done so much, but they don’t praise me,” “they don’t raise my salary,” “they don’t give me a new position,” “they don’t assign me serious projects,” “they leave only the routine, while others get the most interesting things,” “they don’t take my opinion into account.”

Others, with an internal locus of control, blame themselves: “I was not able to show my talents,” “I was not able to build relationships so that my results were visible,” “I simply did not have enough time to achieve my goals.” And as a consultant, I look from the outside and think: “Have you really been underestimated - or is it just our general tendency to overestimate our talents and successes?” In fact, both happen.

Let us remember early childhood - after all, it is in the preschool period that the main traits of our character are formed, “key vectors” and the foundations of personality are laid. Some parents are very stingy with praise. Whatever a child does that is right and good is not enough to earn the approval of his elders. The unsatisfied need for recognition continues to accompany a person, “adapting” to the realities of adult life. The feeling of being unrecognized and undervalued becomes part of one’s character. Even when receiving praise, our hero continues to painfully want a new portion of encouragement.

Or another story. “You are the best of me, you deserve more,” sounds a powerful parental message. Inadequately inflated self-esteem makes the poor fellow then suffer all his life from the eternal lack of admiration, which he was fed in abundance in infancy.

Let's leave our inflated ego to be torn apart by petty passions and try to act wisely and constructively. When we seem to be underestimated, we should calmly figure out why and why. The worst thing you can do is harbor a grudge, get angry, give up, invest less in your work, and stop trusting others. A The best way cope with negative feelings - understand and accept the true nature of your experiences, continue to work effectively, do not neglect reasonable opportunities to “prove yourself,” talk openly with management and clarify expectations. And one day everything may change dramatically. When I was constantly sent to competitions in the humanities in high school, I was proud (“They appreciate me!”) and at the same time worried (“What if they overestimate my talents?”). The ill-fated and insidious “imposter effect” came into full force and brought many difficult moments. So in everything you need a golden mean.

There can be many reasons why you are not appreciated at work. And they can be both objective, i.e. both really existing and subjective, i.e. far-fetched. Objective reasons include incompetence, a tendency to make mistakes, inattention, laziness, etc. The subjective reason may be age (colleagues who are too young or too old are often treated with disdain), personal rejection, etc.

How to make yourself valued and respected

Learn to correctly present the results of your work and do not allow them to be appropriated by another person. Sometimes it is useful to focus management's attention on the difficulties you faced while completing a task and how you successfully overcame them. Modesty is good, but only in moderation. Additionally, if you don't emphasize your accomplishments, management will likely only learn about your mistakes, which is unlikely to serve you well.

Be a man of action - don't allow yourself to make promises and not keep them. If you have worked hard but failed to achieve good result, before reporting to management, analyze the reasons for the failure and immediately after the report make practical suggestions to correct the situation.

Build relationships with colleagues. A person who is unpleasant to the people who work with him will never be appreciated and respected. Be neat, polite, respond to requests for help, and participate in corporate events.

Aristotle also argued that man is a social animal. And today the words of the ancient Greek philosopher do not lose their relevance. Success at work, personal life and even well-being often depend on the location of the people around you. Therefore, the art of being liked is a necessary skill. Some people are given charm from birth, while others study this science all their lives.

Instructions

Imagine and try to imagine why people would respect you. Draw a mental picture of “yourself”: a strong, confident, reasonable person. This image should be fixed in your head, and only after this happens, serious changes can begin to occur in your life.

Try to think independently, read more and don’t miss information programs. You don't need to be proficient in every area, but it's a good idea to become proficient in a few. People who know something well are treated with respect.

In order to achieve respect from others, become, that is, learn to cope and get out of difficult situations with dignity. Don’t be afraid to part with the past and change your point of view - only strong people can admit their mistakes. Think about what is most important to you in life, develop a kind of code and strictly follow it.

Don't be lazy. Work and be on the move. However, this does not mean at all that you should rush somewhere: you must always maintain calm, regardless of whether you are in a hurry or not. People who can control their emotions are respected because they appear wise.

And lastly, do not overdo it in your desire to win someone's respect, otherwise you risk becoming a slave to your idea, in addition, becoming dependent on society, its desires and ideals. And dependent people, as you know, are not respected.

Video on the topic

Becoming an object of adoration from others is quite difficult. To do this, you must be a source of inspiration, positive emotions and a positive attitude. It may not be possible to please everyone. But you can become such a person, at least for those closest to you.

Instructions

Develop a sense of humor. Laughter helps create and maintain positive emotions during communication. It helps people gain courage in difficult situations and also look to the future with positive attitude. In addition, almost any difficult situation The situation you or your friends find yourself in can be defused with the help of humor. Smile more often, learn to properly joke about yourself, others and circumstances. People will love you for helping them deal with stress and filling their lives with positivity.

Try to maintain a balance in your views and judgments, do not go to extremes. Remain impartial when discussing a sensitive topic. Get rid of prejudice and bias. When conducting a conversation on any topic (politics, weather, business, etc.), proceed from the fact that no one can know the whole truth on the issue under discussion. Always leave room for different points of view. Recognize that your knowledge will always be limited and remember that even top experts can make mistakes. People will be willing to listen to you, they will value your opinion and treat you with gratitude.

Be honest in your interactions with others. However, you don't have to be a tough person. Remain correct and polite. Honesty is always felt on an emotional level, people always appreciate it. Lies and deceit manifest themselves immediately. They will push people away from you. Some may avoid communicating with you in the future.

Try to be a forgiving person. With this quality, you will attract people. Remember what people around you may be doing a large number of errors, many of which are unintentional. Emotional actions are always committed contrary to logic and common sense. Learn to forgive mistakes and insults, do not be demanding of people. Put yourself in their shoes. Surely you would like to be treated in the same way.

If you provide help to others, it should be unconditional. Always show respect to people and share advice if you feel they need it. Respect people's individuality and don't try to change them. Remember that each person has their own life experience. Don't expect anything in return from others, don't make them feel obligated.

Get rid of arrogance and inappropriate, excessive pride, if you have any. People with such qualities are often avoided and even secretly hated. They hurt the self-esteem of others. Even if you know that you have more knowledge than others, do not boast about it, it does not make you more smart person. Be humble and measured. Many will adore you for this.

The likelihood that you are one of those who is much higher than it seems at first glance.

Firstly, if you are interested in the topic of this article, then you already have similar suspicions. Well, secondly, the situation when a man does not appreciate or respect the woman who idolizes him is typical of our mentality.

You deserve more!

In my trainings, I often remind that no woman should settle for less than she deserves just to be with someone. To become happy and find the right life partner, you need to raise your standards and stop tolerating, humiliating yourself, and thinking that no one but him needs you anymore.

After all, in fact, everything is just the opposite - he doesn’t need you, and there are hundreds of men around who want to carry you in their arms. I think you got my message. All that remains is to determine, indeed.

I think you got my message. All that remains is to determine whether the man you love really does not value you.

So, you are wasting your time if at least one of the following 5 signs is present in your relationship.

1. You are not high on his list of priorities.

A man in whom romantic feelings are awakening must, on an instinctive level, raise his beloved (as well as her needs) to the top of his personal list of priorities.

Yes, each of us has our own personal interests, hobbies, friends, work, etc. But all this fades into the background when you fall in love.

If you feel like a “player from the bench”, who is only occasionally paid attention to, then the man does not value his relationship with you. And you definitely settle for less than you deserve.

2. You don't feel special.

A loving man will go out of his way to prove to his woman her exclusivity, to convince her that she is the most beautiful and desirable. This does not mean that he should dedicate poems to you every day, give you flowers and shower you with compliments (although that would be just wonderful!).

A simple SMS with the text “I love you,” a passionate kiss before leaving for work and the phrase “You look great today!” is enough to make you smile and understand that the man you love appreciates you.

If no such actions come from him, you are definitely content with less than you deserve.

3. You receive significantly less than you give.

It doesn't matter how much you love him. If he brings more negativity into your life than positive emotions, you must let him go. Or drive away. Depending on the situation.

If you argue with him more often than you hug and make love, if he often screams and accuses you of all mortal sins, and you are still with him, then you are settling for less than you deserve.

But situations often happen when a man not only does not appreciate and respect a woman, causing her moral injury. It can even lead to physical aggression. In this case, there can be no talk of any patience. You need to get away from him as soon as possible!

4. His love must be earned.

A man who truly loves will appreciate you for who you are, and not for what you do for him (or can do). If, in order to keep the focus of his attention on you, you have to wash, cook, clean, sexually please him (especially in a way that you yourself don’t particularly like), then you are settling for less than you deserve.

No, of course, all these things are present in ideal relationships. But at the same time, they are usually mutually agreed upon and distributed equally between the partners, and are not the responsibility of only one of them.

5. You constantly have to agree to his terms.

Nobody is perfect, that's clear. Proving that we are right is an instinct that awakens in us the desire to become a winner and force our opponent to retreat.

This same instinct manifests itself in relationships. But there must be a limit, or better yet, a balance. If you notice that in arguments with your partner you constantly have to give in, then you are sacrificing yourself. You suppress your self. You make concessions to please him and maintain his goodwill.

In this case, you must understand that if you are fighting to maintain a relationship alone, then you do not need it.

Stop settling for less!

The problem with a huge portion of today's young couples is that they don't know what a healthy relationship should look like. Men forget to appreciate women and over time they begin to think that this is normal.

In turn, women give in to everything just to keep this “treasure” near them, which in fact no one needs for nothing. If you are one of them, you will never be happy.
Remember these 5 signs that a man doesn't value a relationship and take the first step towards raising your self-esteem. Then you will learn to recognize when someone is falling below the standards you have set. And this will be a good reason not to let such men into your life.

If you find it difficult to cope with all this on your own, come to . Here you can get not only my support, but also many practical advice that will help change your life for the better.

This training is one of many products that the production center produces. All products are designed to make you happy, beautiful and healthy 😉

Look at the first step you need to take to allow yourself to be a happy woman:

The most interesting articles by Yaroslav Samoilov:

There is a shortage of specialists in Ukraine, but many employers stubbornly refuse to notice this - and they lose.

Despite the fact that for several years now the labor market has actually been a job seeker’s market, and not an employer’s market, as it was before, not everyone job seekers manage to feel like the kings of the situation. Oddly enough, some employers continue to behave as if no shortage of specialists exists at all. That's why own employees You can spread rot with absolute impunity, and select new ones carelessly and disdainfully.

Where does this sense of self that is inadequate to the situation come from? As a rule, from the past experience of such managers. Many of them were personally involved or took part in personnel selection in the 90s and closer, when the situation was diametrically opposite. And that picture of reality is now a reference for them. Therefore, they really don’t want to change the existing stereotype, confirmed by past successful experience. After all, in experience there is sometimes a repeated work situation with a successful ending, and the current deficit outwardly resembles those very situations.

Then why not use the already familiar scenario? And if the HR failed to convey to the manager, convince, inspire, scare - whatever happens - the situation turns out to be completely unfavorable for the company. While the recruiters are looking for candidates under the deadline and trying to convince them to come for an interview, the manager is sincerely confident that they are almost playing the fool.

He remembers how to do it - post a vacancy on a well-known website, sort through numerous candidates, quibble over resumes, then over the phone, then in a personal meeting, try to squeeze the best one for the money and graciously hire him. The fact that the situation has changed radically does not suit him, and he does not intend to believe in it.

I know that in one large organization such managerial “night blindness” was treated simply - they posted a vacancy as the customer manager described it (because he resolutely opposed the attempts of the HR staff to give it a more readable form) - and then sent him all the received resumes.

The fact that the situation has changed dramatically does not suit such an employer, and he does not intend to believe in it

We waited out the highest anger, survived two scandals - in the first, he said that the vacancy was posted in the wrong place, in the wrong place. Then he accused his colleagues of sabotage and hiding best resumes to “prove something to him.” In general, everyone had fun. Then, when the manager cooled down, they gave him tea, sat him down next to him and showed him responses to other vacancies and candidates from the resume database. There was no need for a sedative, but there was more understanding. This is only in one organization. In many cases the situation remains the same.

From the candidate’s side, this approach, when vacancies are posted in the form of a rebus of clerical clichés, with errors and even illiterate ones, looks like the employer’s reluctance to respond to criticism and negative feedback on the Internet (and why - if the manager doesn’t read them, then others are not interested in them either ). And this hints that there may be similar problems at work. And this does not add advantages to applicants - quite the contrary.

For example: “The company is looking for a full-time auto electrician (computer diagnostics) for maintenance and repair. trucks brands Man and Daf (mainly Euro Three) and semi-trailers for them! We will help non-residents with housing. city ​​of Kyiv, Desnyansky district".

Another aspect of this problem is wages. An employer who does not follow salary trends is sure that there will be candidates even for a penny salary, and they will be adequate and high-quality - they need a job. Therefore, in such companies, the salary part is not only for sales specialists, but also office employees is minimized, paid in an envelope, and sometimes even in parts and with delays.

I know several examples from different professional fields, when the employer deliberately withheld part of the salary so that employees would not leave while waiting for payment of everything due. Meanwhile, new debts accumulated.

Another “hello from the past” is sudden fines and revisions of bonuses. For example, a sales manager made a big deal, but did not submit the contract to the lawyer on time - and earned a fine of a substantial amount. Or the waiter broke a plate and suddenly found out when receiving his salary that, it turns out, for the past month and a half, the broken dishes have been deducted from the salary. Another option is that they sold a product in a store on sale, and the sellers are waiting for an increased percentage - after all, they managed to sell something that they themselves did not expect - and the amount at the end of the month in the envelope is completely different. In response to legitimate bewilderment, the store director reluctantly says - the boss said it’s a lot.

A few months later, it’s the boss’s turn to be surprised - the store’s staff has all gone to competitors, and with them, the story about bonuses. Therefore, it has become more difficult for HR managers to fill sales vacancies. But they don’t allow us to raise wages. And no one believes that this salary will be paid on time.

An employer who does not follow salary trends is sure that there will be candidates even for a penny salary, and they will be adequate and high-quality

Moreover, why should a candidate take risks - even without such a “fickle” boss, he has more than enough offers from other employers. Considering that, according to the website rabota.ua, on average there are as many as 3-5 vacancies per resume, the competition between employers is quite serious. But many employers still don't realize this.

Sometimes the manager does not even understand what titanic work of the selection manager is behind the three candidates he brought as the final candidates. Therefore, the phrase “well, these will wait, let’s see a couple more” in the current realities means that you are ready to lose these three and wait as long as you like for the next two.

One of the employees of a recruiting company once admitted to me that for a very famous customer they could not possibly gather three candidates for the position of personal assistant at the same time - each time one or two of the most suitable candidates accepted offers from other employers even before the interview, and it’s easy to show them together did not work. Therefore, through negotiations with the customer, it was decided to look at it “as is”. The situation when a candidate refuses a vacancy immediately before or after an interview, accepting an alternative offer from another employer, has become commonplace.

But this is exactly the experience that an employer who has “sweet memories” of the selection should get. In his experience, the picture “easy selection” should be replaced by a newer, but adequate to the situation, picture “successful selection is possible, but requires resources and costs.” And it's not just money and time. Candidates have become more picky.

Only a job seeker who does not have a job (and there are only 7% of such candidates, judging by the sociology of surveys on rabota.ua) is ready to be more flexible and accommodating. But this does not mean that having agreed to “draconian conditions”, he is ready to work happily ever after. Most likely, he will wait until a better offer is offered and leave without looking back.

Therefore, those employers who believe that they do not need workers at this price will have to retrain. Teaching adults is a difficult thing, and retraining is even more difficult. But, if this is not done, then you will have to take for granted half-empty workshops, shops and offices, the dissatisfaction of those remaining and fatigue, burnout, or even the departure of employees with whom you once started. If such a price seems acceptable to them, the one walking will be able to handle the road.

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What to do if you are not appreciated at work?

Don't worry about it. The main thing is that you love your work and understand that you are fulfilling your purpose; the main thing is that you have personal interest and meaning in your work.

But they may not appreciate because of competition, envy, or inability to appreciate.

The first thing to do is to analyze: is this fair? Are you doing a good job? Are you performing well in terms of human qualities(sometimes they look at this too)? If everything is fine on your part, then you need to talk to management. If nothing changes for the better, you need to look for a new job, a better one, and leave. The second option: you analyzed everything and realized that there are gaps somewhere - either in terms of professionalism, or you screwed up humanly, which also happens. Then you need to increase your professional zeal, delve more deeply into your work, learn from experience from more successful colleagues, minimize entertainment moments (ICQ, the press, snacks, teas, coffees, trips to the smoking room and to girlfriends’ offices). Try to establish relationships with the team and management. It is important. It is especially important to have a good relationship with your boss, your career largely depends on it. It is very difficult, but it is possible. If you did all this and these efforts did not give the desired result, they still did not begin to appreciate you, then, again, you need to look for a new job and leave. Well, what if they helped you? Taken measures, then you can continue to work.

in reality very few people are valued, but for me it makes no sense to leave for the next couple of years, so work

if you tried to prove yourself 100 times, but to no avail? Is this kind of work necessary then? Maybe it's just her and not you? in the team, management, area of ​​your activity?? If you really feel so bad, why haven't you quit yet! do it, it means it’s not yours and you don’t need to try to prove something to someone by fighting doors that are specially closed just for you. You need to give up all this, the problem is not in people and not in problems, the problem is in the head! Change your thoughts, become aware and put an end to everything that holds you like an anchor, preventing you from taking off!

The first, the very first thing you need to find out: Do you love your job? And after you give yourself an honest answer, you can think about what to do with the existing situation.

If you are not appreciated at your job, it does not mean that you are a bad employee. But this is not excluded) Perhaps you should pay more attention to fulfilling your duties.

If you are already a master of your craft, the work is boiling and gurgling in your hands, everything works out for you and at the same time you are undeservedly relegated to the background - this is already a reason to think about ... the amount of compensation for these inconveniences. That is, are you comfortable with feeling unfairly assessed for the financial reward that your employer offers you?

If you have enough money, then the choice is yours: what is more important to you, love for work or what others, employers, etc. think about you (we assume that the work is at least somehow close to you in spirit and you can find satisfaction in it, otherwise it’s very difficult).

Of course, the choice is not easy. Feeling undeservedly treated, even for good money, is a test. On the other hand, if a person is busy with his own business, then he will have no time to be sad (of course, if he is satisfied with the financial component of the work).

Well, and finally, if the salary is not satisfactory (and there is no particular love for work), then there is every reason to think: maybe there is a place where you will be underestimated for a lot of money? :) Or you will find one, even for the same money , but whatever you like.

In any case, you should not blame anyone - this will allow you to soberly assess the situation. It’s better to calmly weigh the pros and cons and wait a while before making any decision. Good luck to everyone in your work!

You can do the most radical thing and change your job. Maybe on new job you will be more appreciated and respected. If you want to stay at this job, then develop your communication skills and make friends with the team and your bosses. Show yourself with better side, as a responsible employee and then promoted career ladder won't keep you waiting long.

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