How good it is to be happy. Become a happy man with our tips for men and women. We are forced to simplify our view of the world in order to somehow exist in it and develop some kind of position on what is happening. We need axioms from which

Text: practicing psychologist Elena Sultanova

Happiness is a state to which, consciously or not, almost everyone strives. Another thing is that everyone has their own happiness: some have a prosperous family, some have professional self-realization, some have material wealth.

Being a happy person is both simple and difficult. The difficulty is that in order to become happy, you need to know some conditions for achieving happiness, more about them below. But the main difficulty is that happiness has ceased to be interesting to people. Almost any modern book, film or song can easily convince you of this: the fate of the heroes is distorted by some tragedy, someone’s untimely death, an accident, unrequited love. And thus, we learn to empathize not with happiness, but with misfortune. And it is misfortune that we most often try on ourselves. Anyone who is happy is of no interest to anyone, at best. And at worst, it causes hostility. Remember how Toska said in “Girls”: “You are happy, Katka, but happiness blinds people.”

Another difficulty on the path to happiness is our misconception that happiness is difficult to achieve. We are generally accustomed to thinking that good things must be earned, and that what comes easily is worth nothing. There is even an expression - “hard-earned happiness.” Often, instead of becoming truly happy, we begin to obtain this happiness by inventing obstacles and suffering for ourselves out of the blue. We don't believe in happiness if it just comes into our hands. We consider real what has been suffered, obtained, earned, and never what was easily and joyfully in our hands.

How can one still be happy?

• 1 Determine the parameters of your happiness Remember that being happy is also a goal. And in order to achieve the goal, you need to see it, know it. Determine for yourself by what signs you will understand that you are happy, otherwise it may come without you even noticing. If happiness for you is when you are loved, decide how you will understand that you are loved. The more parameters and characteristics you find, the clearer your goal will be and the easier the path to it. Try to play at your happiness. Remember how we used to play mother and daughter and build an ideal family and an ideal home? Try your happiness by taste, color, smell. Choose key roles and settings - this will determine where your happiness is possible and with whom.
• 2 State what brings you pleasure in life In order to feel happy, it is important not only to paint the scenery, but also to fill it with things that bring you joy. Make your list of what invariably makes you happy and gives you pleasure, something without which life would turn into dull everyday life. This could be weekly gatherings with friends in a cafe, a new book, shopping, etc. Make it a rule to periodically check your list, and as you implement it, cross something off and add something. See how much of this list you implement in your life. If it’s not enough, then what’s stopping you? Check how you can realize what brings you joy. Maybe for this you will have to give up some boring and uninteresting things.
• 3 Live in the moment You cannot be happy yesterday or tomorrow, only today. Remember that only in the present time do we have all our strength, energy, and attention at our disposal. During the day, listen to your thoughts - you will find yourself thinking about what happened yesterday, as well as what will happen tomorrow. So it may turn out that you are practically not in the present. Therefore, become happy right here and now. If nothing makes you happy in the present, then it is very likely that the future will not make you very happy either, because it also tends to someday become the present.
• 4 Rely on what you are willing to do Happiness must certainly be built on a combination of “I can” and “I want.” It’s not enough to want something, you also need to be able and ready to do it, otherwise happiness will turn into a soap bubble that will burst one day, leaving disappointment in its place. Remember again the parameters of your happiness and look at the list that you made in point 2 - this is what you want. But what of this do you want and are you ready to do in order to be happy? Remember that your list should only contain things that you can do for yourself. Because “everyone is the architect of his own happiness.”
• 5 Accept yourself for who you are Happiness is built on accepting yourself as a person, on agreeing to be who you are. American psychologists have a saying: “If you are in Chicago, then you cannot call from anywhere but from Chicago.” This means that if you want to be happy, then you can only do this from the state in which you are now. Happiness is not built on who you will one day become, but on who you already are. Write down your strengths on a piece of paper, study it and remember: your strengths are what you can rely on in life. Write down your shortcomings on a piece of paper and do the following thing: turn each shortcoming into a virtue. Remember: “I’m not a brake, I’m a slow gas”? Or “I’m not boring, I just pay a lot of attention to detail.” Or “yes, I am like that, and this is my way of acting”?
• 6 Shape your employment Life is more interesting the more large quantity the type of activity we are involved in. We often dream about relaxation, about the opportunity not to work. However, according to psychological research, the less busy we are with something, the more likely we are to become fixated on one activity or to settle for a less desirable activity. This is why there are more dysfunctional women among housewives than among women who work a lot.

At the very beginning, we said that being happy is not only difficult, but also simple. In order to be happy, you only need an inner desire and intention to be happy. It is not circumstances that make a person happy, but the internal readiness to be happy and the ability to be content with what he has. Surely everyone is familiar with the state when everything seems to be there for happiness, but there is no happiness itself. But happiness does not come when there are no problems. When you are happy, troubles and failures can happen in life. However, a happy person understands that there can be troubles and failures, and accepts them not as obstacles, but as springboards - in order to better push off.

For every person, happiness is a relative concept. Some experience the joy of meeting friends, others have a boundless love of travel. One way or another, it is important to assert your own needs in order to feel completely happy. It is necessary to value your “I” and at the same time not delve into the abyss of narcissism and selfishness. There are effective psychological techniques that will help you become happier. The main thing is to believe and set big goals for yourself, it’s easier to hit them.

Step #1. Find ways to deal with stress

It is difficult to imagine a person who does not periodically experience a moral shock. To become happier, you need to look for ways to remove yourself from negative situations. Don't bury your head in the sand, look at the root of the problem. There are often cases when people want to get rid of difficulties, turning a blind eye to their existence. At a subconscious level, a person knows that he has to solve the troubles that have arisen, thus the brain is never at rest.

Make it a habit to communicate with friends or relatives, discussing pressing matters. Learn to speak out, and if necessary, cry, letting off steam. You can also contact a psychologist to draw up rough plan. The main thing is not to be alone with yourself in a state of stress to avoid negative judgments.

People who, due to the nature of their work, are forced to constantly deal with stressful situations, are advised to find methods of distraction. Read your favorite book at lunch, watch a TV series, lie down to relax while listening to music. Take walks in the park, drink delicious tea, find your own way of distraction.

Step #2. Enjoy being with friends

Even if you are very busy with work/study, try to allocate 3-4 hours a week for full communication. Such a move will brighten up loneliness, dilute everyday life, and you will temporarily forget about pressing matters. Share with your loved ones not only the bad events in life, share with them the joy of being, and have fun together.

Create a tradition of your own. For example, every Sunday have a get-together with pizza while watching your favorite TV series. Or visit your favorite cafe on Wednesdays where they serve delicious pie. Communicate in an informal setting, develop your own traditions, which will later be inherited.

Step #3. Appreciate what you have

It is important to learn to be grateful for wonderful moments and everything that you have at the moment. Write down on a scrapbook paper significant events or the names of people you are grateful for in your life. Write until the entire album sheet is filled. Spare no effort and time to read the above out loud later.

Gratitude can be expressed for absolutely ordinary things, such as weekly meetings with friends (thanks for having them), the release of your favorite TV series (thanks to the creators). Also, do not forget to express in words about good health, a good education, loved one, parents.

Cultivate a sense of gratitude towards other people every day. Don’t be lazy to tell the saleswoman “Thank you!” for a loaf of bread, and for the bus driver for a comfortable ride. After a certain period of time, you will notice that you feel much happier.

At every opportunity, let your loved ones know that you are grateful for their previously provided help or small favor. It is important to convey that you appreciate and do not forget the good.

Step #4. Solve pressing problems

You can't be completely happy while life's difficulties hang over your head. Look for solutions, analyze the situation, do not try to solve all problems in one fell swoop.

Is marriage no longer enjoyable? There is no mutual respect, agreement, love between partners? End the relationship, don't expect it to improve on its own. Learn to live in harmony with your heart and mind.

Does your job not bring you a stable income, is your boss constantly on edge? Motivate yourself, look for a new job, try to start earning extra money using Internet resources. Develop financially, set big goals, follow the path to achieve them.

If you don't feel happy because you're overweight, go on a diet. Switch to proper nutrition, exercise, buy clothes several sizes smaller. Make a training plan, don't stand still.

Step #5. Look for yourself

A person cannot feel happy if he tries to be something he is not. Think about what is important to you? Perhaps the accounting profession is not enjoyable and drains all your energy. Do you like to work with your hands rather than your brains? Get a different major or take relevant courses.

Tired of constantly smiling at your opponents and agreeing with them on everything? Defend your own opinion, look for serious arguments, try to be a leader. Don't try to become what your family or friends want you to be. You are a person with your own opinions, life principles, and values.

Stop wearing masks, be as open as possible. Do people around you not like your excessive directness? Tell them about it directly, make them even more irritated. A friend asked for help and you refused? Make it clear that at the moment you have your own matters that require immediate attention.

Look for opportunities to be yourself in any situation, put your own needs first until you feel confident and happy. The same applies to your personal life; there is no need to build a relationship with a person who is not suitable for you in all respects.

Step #6. Think positively

There are often cases when a person gives up out of hopelessness. It would seem that no bright spots are expected, but everything is not so bad. Learn to save positive thinking V difficult situations, approach problems with humor. Did your car break down on the way to work? Well, it's time to change it to a new SUV.

Focus only on the pleasant moments in life. Gradually, you will accumulate your own baggage of positive impressions, as a result of which you will not be able to exist differently. On a subconscious level, you will learn to extract pleasant things from everything that happens.

Have you caught yourself thinking that, once again, you are thinking negatively? Say a few comments out loud that will knock the crap out of your head. Try to smile, scientists have proven that even fake laughter can make a person happy.

Step #7. Set goals

A man suffocates without purpose. Gray ordinariness can swallow up even the most cheerful people. Throughout the journey, it is important to find something that will make you move forward. Set goals, look for opportunities and ways to implement them as soon as possible.

Have you been dreaming of a new car for a long time? Make it a habit to set aside a specific amount of money from your monthly salary for these needs. Place the funds in a savings book at interest, do not withdraw them.

Do you dream of spending your whole life traveling? Get a foreign passport, start learning English or Spanish, read travel forums, take notes.

Are you unhappy with your physical fitness? Set a goal to pump up your abs or buttocks in six months, join a gym, switch to sports nutrition, follow a training regimen, and sleep soundly. Make a bet with your friends that you will achieve results after a given period.

Make a bucket list for the next 1-3 years, cross off one item at a time as you achieve it. Start with easy goals and gradually raise the bar. You will feel like a happy person after achieving each goal.

Step #8. Satisfy your own needs

It is not necessary to deny everything to family and friends; it is enough to put your own needs first. Learn to advocate for your interests in everyday life. For example, you were going to the cinema, and a friend chose a film that you don’t like. Let your friend know that this time you want to go not to a thriller, but to a comedy. By making small decisions to improve your quality of life, you will soon feel happy by getting the little things you want.

Step #9. Find a hobby

It is difficult to feel happy when you are in a constant state of “work-home-work”. To relieve the hustle and bustle of everyday life, find a hobby to which you will devote yourself wholeheartedly. I like to create miracles with my own hands? Sign up for courses in cutting and sewing, wood carving, modeling, etc.

Do you have a weakness for beautiful pictures? Go to photography school, master editing programs, communicate with like-minded people. Do you like to play sports, but have given up on it for a long time? Take a trial class at the gym, sign up for a swimming pool, or take a dance or gymnastics class.

In cases where it is not possible to find a hobby of this kind, read books. Instead of sitting at your PC in the evenings, start studying history, psychology of personality development, law, business. You can read a detective story, a classic, a thriller, the choice depends on personal preferences.

It is not difficult to become a happy person if you start transforming today. Solve problems as soon as possible, look for ways to deal with negative situations, develop financially and enrich yourself spiritually. Do what you love, change your job if it doesn't bring you pleasure. Look for yourself, satisfy your own needs, achieve your goals.

Video: how to become a happy person

About the quality of advice

Each of us wants to be a happy person. Not everyone voices this, and even fewer do anything about it. Of those who are taking some steps towards finding happiness, only a small part, mostly women, are looking for answers to the questions of how to become happy and loved and how to become rich and happy. Men (due to the structure of their minds) look for ways to achieve and receive.

With the advent of the accessible Internet, everyone began to give advice. And whoever is too lazy, copy-paste other people’s advice or buy the works of schoolchildren-copywriters or graphomaniacal housewives. Who do you think writes for pennies? Hence the appalling quality of recommendations. If only there was, and then at least the grass wouldn’t grow.

Covering a topic in depth takes time and is not appreciated work. Few people are capable of it. Therefore, I ask you not to just skim the article in order to put another piece of information garbage into your head. Try the effectiveness of at least one piece of advice. Only you can make you happy!

Biochemistry of happiness

Happiness and unhappiness are complexes of sensations and feelings that depend on external and internal factors distributed according to the Pareto law. 80% depend on the state of the psyche and body, 20% on external circumstances.

The last point is worth clarifying. It is not the external circumstances themselves that cause happiness, but our attitude towards them. But unlike armchair psychologists who do not draw on biology, medicine, anthropology, sociology or physics, I cannot claim that reactions to stimuli are under our control. In some cases this is not the case because they are biologically determined.

The level of hormones in the blood is perceived as feelings thanks to the work of the cingulate cortex area. Our self-esteem and the degree of irrationality of thinking also depend on the work of this area.

I am not saying that thoughts are a product of the cerebral cortex. However, the direction and content of thoughts depend on electrochemical processes and even blood pressure in the brain. Just like the quality of a television transmission depends on the material, condition and even the location of the antenna, not to mention the condition of the TV’s microcircuits.

A person who clings with both hands to the “truths” of materialism, idealism, agnosticism and other directions is a fanatic and/or ignoramus. Since the late 19th century, every 30 years of research has turned science on its head. Scientific truths of the early 20th century, such as caloric, now make us smile, but they worked in their day. Do you see what I'm getting at?

The scientific paradigm of today will be significantly revised by the end of the 21st century, and we cannot even imagine in what direction. Before the advent of the theory of relativity and quantum mechanics, not a single science fiction writer or predictor could even general outline predict their background and meaning.

A decrease in the activity of the cingulate cortex plunges us into virtual reality emotional assessments and unmotivated reactions. Unfortunately, most people dive into this state of consciousness every day. Being in a narrowed corridor of consciousness, we are unable to control our reaction to stimuli. This state of affairs explains that very 20% of the dependence of happiness and unhappiness on the environment.

Chemistry of emotions

If you are interested in the effects of which substances on the central nervous system are perceived by us as strong feelings, here is a table:

We experience these emotions only when in certain areas of the brain the concentration of the substances presented in the table reaches the desired level. So chemically, the feeling of filling happiness is a high concentration of endogenous morphines and catecholamines with an admixture of phenylethylamine and ethanol.

The simplest and most dead-end conclusion is that by artificially increasing the concentration of necessary substances, you can become a happy person. This is wrong.

Nature has arranged it in such a way that, having received artificial equivalents of these substances, we begin to degrade and collapse. Their production by the body is a reward for biologically justified or correct actions. Moreover, if everything is clear with the first point - sleep, food, sex, then everyone has their own correctness. How can you not think about purpose?

In addition, the brain has an interesting filter that creates a barrier when the permissible level of natural positive hormones is exceeded. In addition to this barrier, algorithms are activated that lead to a decrease in response to stimuli. It's addictive and exhausting.

Psychology of happiness

We are different, and this is an axiom. Advice on how to become happier must be based on existential differences. All people are divided into two unequal groups. The dividing line is the attitude to the meaning of life.

People of the survival and superiority group

The first, largest group directs psychic energy towards survival and/or superiority. These are permanently happy people, without even knowing it. They are not concerned about the meaning of life. Even if such a question comes up during a period of loss or illness, the psyche will do everything to level it out.

Such people have no time to think about it. The first option is that they survive and there really is no time or energy left for anything else. The second option is that they seek pleasure and assert themselves. Society provides for this great amount toys - money, respect, fame, power.

Happiness for people in this group is an expression of the degree of consistency of pleasure and frequency of success.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were missing something? Everything seems to be in order: family, career, friends, and loved one, but still something is wrong. Perhaps... you are missing yourself. In the daily rush and heap of things, people and habits, it seems that there is absolutely no time left to stop, take a breath and think.

1. Find happiness in the little things

In fact, life is wonderful. Stop. Look around. Happiness is never far from us, it is in simple things. Blue sky, sunlight, children's eyes. Happiness is even in breathing (remember how unpleasant it is to breathe when you have a runny nose). You can also feel happiness by performing simple actions.

2. Wash the dishes. Seriously!

Washing dishes seems unpleasant until you start. Standing in front of the sink, rolling up your sleeves and immersing your hands in warm water, you understand: this has its own charm. Give each plate your time, completely. realizing and her, and water, and any movement of the hands. You know, by rushing to wash the dessert plate, you will make the time allotted for washing dishes unpleasant for yourself and not worth living. It's sad, because every minute and second of life is a miracle.

The same trick can be performed with any responsibility: vacuuming the apartment, ironing clothes and walking the dog will become much more enjoyable. And after doing something as ordinary as it may seem, you will feel even a little happier.

3. Give your brain a rest

Sometimes it only takes a few minutes to feel like you’ve been reborn. Sit on a chair or on the floor. Close your eyes. Inhale and exhale several times. As you inhale, say to yourself: “As I inhale, I know that I am inhaling.” As you exhale, say: “As I exhale, I know that I am exhaling.” Try not to think about anything.

Stop the stream of consciousness. Try to feel every centimeter of your body. Smile. Take a few more deep breaths. Such respite meditations are simple and very effective. Try to live a happy life.

4. Don't eat mindlessly

Try eating mindfully for at least one week. There is an Eastern proverb: “When you eat, think only about food.” So that's exactly what she's talking about. You will understand that food has become for you not only a way to get enough, but also a time of solitude and self-discovery. And to understand what the trick of this attitude towards yourself is, try “Chocolate Meditation” from the book

Every person deep down dreams of becoming happy and everyone strives for this. But look around: how many happy people will you see? Here, in my opinion, there is a paradox: everyone wants happiness, but few people manage to feel it in everyday life, not just once, but regularly or even often.

At some point on the path to happiness, most people experience a “glitch.” In this article I will look at the reasons for such “failures” and propose a strategy.

As the article progresses, I invite you to answer questions so that you can better understand your relationship with happiness. I recommend answering the proposed questions in writing - this way you can really understand something new about yourself and apply the psychological ideas described here to your life.

What is happiness

In my opinion, happiness is not only about emotions; emotions cannot be maintained at the same level all the time. But you can organize a certain lifestyle for yourself to live the life you want.

Reach out to yourself and think:

• What is happiness for you?
• What makes you a happy person?

Happiness is a feeling, you either feel it or not. To see the possibilities how to become a happy person, it is important to understand your personal idea of ​​happiness. That is, first you need to understand WHAT you want to do, organize in your life, and then HOW you can do it.

If you find it difficult to answer these questions right away, remember: When was the last time you felt like a happy person. Relive these memories, immerse yourself in them, feel the echoes of that happiness. And then analyze what made you feel happy in that situation. Perhaps what made you happy then will help you determine how to become a happy person now.

The feeling of happiness consists of your satisfaction with different areas of your life: family, work, friends, home, leisure, hobbies. Please note that the feeling of satisfaction is purely subjective, there are no external criteria in it. All that matters is what you feel and think.

For example, outwardly everything in your life looks great: you have a family, a job, a home, your life is filled with communication with different people. But you don’t feel like a happy person; on the contrary, you often feel sad, depressed, and apathetic. Other people may say: “What are you doing?! Everything is fine in your life!” You believe them, drive away your unpleasant feelings, but you still cannot feel happiness.

In this example, it turns out that a person is guided by external criteria and other people’s ideas of happiness. But what is happiness for one person will not be happiness for another. The question “How to become a happy person” is individual and subjective, and only you yourself can give yourself a specific answer.

Here we come to the first important step on your path to happiness - understand what you want. But this is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.

The answer “I want to become a happy person” will not work here; more specifics are needed. And your answers to the questions in the previous part of this article – about your personal idea of ​​happiness – will help you with this. Think about what you need to feel happy.

I want to live like this or “this is how it should be”

First reason. Since childhood, we have all been told a lot about how everything should be... Thus, people learn to adjust their lives to “the way it should be,” “the way it’s customary,” “like everyone else’s.” But this path does not answer the question of how to become a happy person for you. It has nothing to do with your personality, and this is one of the reasons for possible “failures”.

Refer to your answers to the happiness questions from the previous part of this article. Consider whether these answers reflect your personal views, or whether they relate more to generally accepted ideas about happiness. Pay attention to the emotions that arise:

• How do you feel when you think about your happiness?
• Do you have an emotional response and does the desire to become a happy person ignite within you?

The lack of strong emotions is a sign that your answers do not fully take into account your personality. And then it is important to filter your personal desires and ideas from the “generally accepted” ones.

I know what I want, but I'm scared that it won't work out

The second reason. You know what you want, but you are afraid to try, to take risks. You're scared that you won't succeed. This state is illustrated by the saying “Better is a bird in the hand than a pie in the sky.” You convince yourself that everything is fine, but occasionally you still continue to dream about “how things could be different.”

It turns out that you have certain restrictions within you that prevent you from moving freely towards your happiness. You know how to be a happy person, but you don't act out of fear.

Trying and making mistakes is natural. And indeed, something may not work out the first time. When something doesn't work out, you can change your strategy and try something different. But if you're afraid to even try change your life, you are controlled by irrational internal limitations.

And these restrictions can be checked for compliance with reality.

• Feel what exactly are you afraid of?
• What happens if suddenly you try and it doesn’t work out?
• How will you feel if you fail?
• What will failure mean to you?

Answer these questions and analyze how real your concerns are.

This analysis can lead you to understand your underlying irrational beliefs. For example, you may be afraid of making a mistake, feeling like a failure, or the possible catastrophic consequences of doing the wrong thing.

Try to relate your fears to reality. Think about how you can act if something doesn't work out the first time. When you imagine what you will do when different options developments, fears stop slowing you down. And then you can freely begin to implement your strategy on how to become a happy person.

If at this first step you encounter difficulties in one of the options discussed above, this may be a reason to think, spend more time analyzing these difficulties, or seek help from a psychologist.

It can be difficult to feel and decide on your own how to become a happy person: understand your desires, get rid of irrational restrictions and simply believe in yourself. When I work with the topic of happiness in psychological consultations, I help you access your desires, recognize the societal stereotypes and expectations that influence you, and replace “interfering” factors with supportive ones.

In the next article I will continue to talk about strategies on how to become a happy person.

home » Loans » How good it is to be happy. Become a happy man with our tips for men and women. We are forced to simplify our view of the world in order to somehow exist in it and develop some kind of position on what is happening. We need axioms from which