How to correct life's mistakes. Is it possible to fix the irreparable? In general, the summary is like this

We all make mistakes from time to time. Everyday mistakes include making a mistake in a specific task (writing, typing, diagramming, etc.), offending someone, doing something you later regret, or participating in risky situations. Since bad accidents are quite common, we all need to learn how to correct and cope with them. Correcting any mistake involves understanding your mistake, making a plan, taking care of yourself, and communicating properly.

Steps

Part 1

Recognize your mistake. To fix something, you first need to understand what you did wrong.

• Identify the error. Did you say something wrong? Accidentally made a mistake on a school or work project? Forgot to clean the bathroom as promised?
• Understand how and why you made a mistake. Did you do it on purpose but later regretted it? Or were you simply not paying enough attention? Think about the situation, for example: “How did I forget to clean the bathroom? I didn't want to clean there, I wanted to avoid this work? Was I too busy?
• If you are not sure what you did wrong, ask a friend, family member, teacher, co-worker, boss to help you find out what you did wrong. For example, if someone is angry at you, you can ask: “I see that you are angry with me, can you explain why?” The person might respond, “I'm angry at you because you said you would clean the bathroom but you didn't.”

1. Remember your past mistakes. Pay attention to your behavior patterns and what similar problems you have had in the past. Have you ever forgotten to do something in the past?

   • Write down any patterns or themes that you notice keep emerging. This will help you identify a larger goal that you need to work on (focus, specific skills, etc.). For example, perhaps you tend to forget about tasks you don't want to do, such as cleaning. This will be a sign that you are avoiding a task or that you need to become more organized so that you remember to complete certain obligations.

2. Take responsibility. Understand that this is your mistake and only yours. Take responsibility for your own mistakes and don't try to blame someone else. If you play the blame game, you won't be able to learn from your own mistakes because you may continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.

   • Write down the parts of the problem that you contributed to or the specific mistake you made.
   • Determine what specifically you could have done differently to get a better result.

   Part 2

   Make a plan

   1. Think about past decisions. One of the best ways solve a problem or fix a mistake - determine how you dealt with similar problems or mistakes in the past. Reflect on the following: “In the past, I remembered what I needed to do, how did I do it? Oh, that’s right, I wrote things down on the calendar and looked at it several times a day!”

      • Make a list of similar mistakes you have made. Determine how you dealt with each of these mistakes and whether it was helpful to you or not. If not, then a similar solution probably won't work this time.

   2. Consider your options. Think of as many ways as possible to correct the mistake. In our example, there are many options: you could clean the bathroom, apologize, offer to clean another part of the apartment, agree to do it the next day, and so on.

      • Use your problem-solving skills to come up with possible solutions to a current problem.
      • Make a list of pros and cons for each possible solution. For example, if you determined that one of the possible solutions to your problem of an unwashed bathroom would be “be sure to clean the bathroom tomorrow,” then the list of pros and cons might look like this: plus – the bathroom will eventually be clean, minuses – it will be unclean today, Tomorrow I may forget about cleaning (I can't fully guarantee that it will be done), this will not solve the problem of me forgetting to clean the bathroom. Based on this assessment, it would be better to clean the bathroom that same day rather than the next, if possible, and develop a plan for remembering to clean that room in the future.

   3. Decide on the order of actions and carry them out. To solve a problem, you need a plan. Determine the best possible solution based on the past and the options available, and be committed to implementing it.

      Formulate a backup plan. No matter how reliable the plan may seem, there is a possibility that it will not solve the problem. For example, maybe you clean the bathroom, but the person who asked you to do it will still be angry with you.

      • Identify other possible solutions and write them down from most useful to least useful. Go through the list from top to bottom. TO possible options may include: offering to clean another room, sincerely apologizing, asking the person how you can make amends, or offering him something he likes (food, activities, etc.).

   4. Don't make mistakes in the future. If you can successfully find a solution to your mistake, then you begin the process of success in avoiding mistakes in the future.

      • Write down what you think you did wrong. Then write down a goal for what you want to do in the future. For example, if you forgot to clean the bathroom, your goals might be to write down a list of tasks for each day, check it twice a day, check off completed tasks, put reminder stickers on the refrigerator for your highest priority tasks.

   Part 3

   Take care of yourself

   1. Don't be too hard on yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, it's normal. You may feel guilty, but you need to accept yourself for who you are, despite your weaknesses.

      • Forgive yourself and move on instead of dwelling on your problem.
      • Focus on doing the right thing now and in the future.

   2. Keep your emotions under control. When we make a mistake, we can easily be overtaken by feelings of disappointment, depression, and a desire to give up altogether. If you are feeling overly emotional or stressed, take a break. Heightened emotions will not benefit you in trying to correct your mistake.

   3. Get over it. Focus on ways to combat negative emotions that can make you feel better. Think about how you dealt with making mistakes in the past. Identify ways that helped you deal with the problem correctly, and ways that only made your condition worse.

      • Common strategies include: positive self-talk (saying nice things about yourself), exercise, relaxing activities (such as reading or playing).
      • Harmful and unhelpful coping strategies include self-destructive behavior such as drinking alcohol or other substances, self-harm, repetitive thoughts, and negative self-rumination.

   Part 4

   Communicate Effectively

   1. Be convincing. Use positive interaction skills and communicate your thoughts and feelings in an appropriate and respectful manner. When you are affirmative, you admit that you were wrong and take responsibility for your own guilt. You don't blame others for your mistakes.

      • Don't be passive: Don't avoid talking about your mistake, hide, agree to what others want from you, and don't stand up for yourself.
      • Don't show aggression: don't raise your voice, don't shout, don't humiliate people, don't curse, don't show violent behavior (don't throw things, don't open your arms).
      • Avoid passive-aggressive behavior. This is a mixture of passive and aggressive forms of communication, when you may be angry, but you do not express your feelings. Therefore, you can do something behind the person’s back to take revenge, or organize a silent boycott. This is not the best form of communication, and the person may not understand what you are trying to tell him or why you are doing this.
      • Send positive nonverbal messages. Our non-verbal communication also sends certain messages to the people around us. A smile, for example, says: “Yes, I have to frown, but I can be brave and get through it.”
   2. • Don't try to find excuses and explain everything. Just admit your mistake. Say, “I admit that I forgot to clean the bathroom. I'm really sorry ".
      • Be careful not to blame others. You should not say something like: “If you had reminded me that I needed to clean there, then maybe I would not have forgotten, and the bathroom would already be clean.”

   3. Show your commitment to positive change. Tell the person about ways to fix the problem and promise to work on the issue. It will be effective way correct a mistake that hurt another person.

      • Try to develop a solution. Ask the person what you can do for them to make up for the mistake. You can directly say: “Is there something I can do for you?”
      • Understand how you can do things differently in the future. You can ask the person: “What do you think can help me avoid this mistake in the future?”
      • Tell the person that you are willing to make an effort to reduce the likelihood of making this mistake in the future. You can say the following: “I don’t want this to happen again in the future, so I will make an effort to...”. Say what exactly you will do, for example: “I will definitely make a list of household chores so I don’t forget about it again.”
   • If a task is too difficult or overwhelming, take a break or ask for help.
   • If you can't fix a mistake or improve a situation right now, focus on how to do better in the future.

   Warnings

   • Do not attempt to correct an error if doing so could be potentially dangerous to you or someone else. Be attentive to the safety, health and well-being of both yourself and others.

How to correct the consequences of your mistake if everything gets out of control? If its results have become so large-scale that it is impossible to cope with them? For example, I had a fight with my grandmother and she died due to a heart attack. He lied - and this lie crippled his friend’s life. I told the gossip to my boss and my colleague was fired from work. The driver hit a man. Will God forgive if nothing can be fixed? How to find a balance between self-flagellation and self-justification? Archpriest Vyacheslav Ponevin, rector of the St. Nicholas Church in Enakievo, pondered these complex questions.

Repentance is not only a listing of one’s sins before a priest. This is repentance for what has been done, a desire to improve, change, and, in addition, compensation for the damage caused. Of course, it is impossible to return the situation to the state it was in before the mistake was made. Often a person has no control over the consequences of certain actions. However, you can still try and, if possible, correct, if not the consequences, then yourself.

Do no harm

I’ll say right away: compensation for damage is not as simple as it seems at first glance. We need to take it on if it does not cause harm to the one to whom we are going to compensate, or to us. After all, you can correct your mistakes in such a way that others will not be happy. Example: a boy and a girl had an affair, the girl gave birth to a child, the guy ran away. However, despite everything, the girl got married successfully, everything is fine with her. But the devotee of piety, which the guy has become, suddenly decides to repent, make amends, and begins to search, call, write letters. As a result, due to good intentions, the family may collapse. Our good intentions are not always really good and lead to good things.

A person’s repentance occurs with the participation of a priest. I think that compensation for damage should also be discussed with the spiritual mentor - so that it does not bring harm to anyone.

What to do if you are at fault?

What to do if there is no way to make amends or ask for forgiveness from the person you offended? The main thing is not to fall into despair. Yes, compensation for damage is necessary, but the situation does not always allow this to be done. If you can, compensate, if not, look for other ways. There are different options.

First: help those who are currently in a similar situation and need help. I have encountered situations where people beat someone in their youth, and there is no way to apologize to the victim: either time has passed and he has died, or it is impossible to get in touch with him. I recommended going to the hospital and donating bandages and medicines for those who suffered from beatings.

Second: pray. If we have offended someone, and this person has already died, we can always pray for him: at home, in church, at a memorial service.

Third: charity. You can make some kind of donation, help financially - now there are hundreds of opportunities for this.

Who needs it?

Making amends is necessary for our soul to be changed by doing good deeds. Still, what is more important for God is not formal confession, not formal correction of mistakes, but changes in the soul. To repent means to become a different person: kinder, more merciful, more honest. In that the main objective. To compensate for the damage, but remain the same as you were, is wrong.

People brought a lot of formality into the Church. Everyone baptizes children, performs funeral services for the dead, bless cars and houses, but in fact a very small percentage of people can be considered Christians. The bulk, and this is about 90%, simply observe rituals. “They told us so,” “that’s how it’s supposed to be,” “well, that’s how it’s supposed to be,” but why it’s needed, what’s the point, I have no idea. They don’t know the Creed or the “Our Father,” but they bless water and Easter cakes and order memorial services. In fact, they did not become part of the Christian community, but Christianity is impossible without the Church.

Formalities should be avoided. Always, when doing something, you need to imagine final goal. If we repent, then we need to understand that the goal is to change our inner self. Getting rid of passion that torments. If a person is irritable, he can offend people, then ask for forgiveness, then offend again, and this will last forever, no changes occur in him. What good is his apology? Can his repentance be considered sincere?

If a believer repents, the result should be an internal change in his better side, replacement of passions and sins good deeds. Do you feel bad, overcome by selfishness, irritation, pride? At these moments, it’s good to go and do some small good deed: pray for the person, tell him kind word, treat.

Guilt as a way to punish yourself

Often people who have made some irreparable mistakes suffer extremely from feelings of guilt. It becomes their way of punishing themselves. They think that this feeling is correct because they are supposed to be depressed after what happened. This is, of course, not true. Yes, we must have a sober awareness of our bad deed. There's no escape: I did it. But this does not mean that you need to punish yourself for the rest of your life.

What should be done? - fulfill the three points already mentioned: repent, make a promise to yourself not to repeat what was done, and make reparations. If it is not possible, do good deeds. "Shun evil and do good"(Ps. 33:15), says the Psalter. So we will replace evil with good. It is not enough just to refuse to do evil. If we begin to do good deeds instead of evil, then the Lord will heal us through them. In doing good we come into contact with God, since He is love, and we are cured of our spiritual illnesses.

Between self-flagellation and self-justification

Self-flagellation is a demonic state. It doesn't benefit anyone. On the contrary, both the people around us and ourselves suffer from it, because we drive ourselves into despair and despondency. These states are partly a manifestation of pride. We must overcome it. Yes, I committed a sin, I did something wrong. But I can change.

Despair is disappointment, disbelief in the all-forgiving mercy of God. God doesn't punish anyone. Crucifying himself on the Cross, He says: “I love you so much that I am ready to die for you.” Looking at the crucified Christ, we see neither punishment nor condemnation - only love. When people begin to engage in self-flagellation, it is as if they are saying to Him: “We do not believe in Your love and forgiveness.” This is a sign of pride.

Self-justification is also an unambiguous evil, since in this case a person lies to himself, God, and people. Everything is clear here. Many of their evil actions are justified by some good goals. Make a small sacrifice for the good of something. But good does not need evil. The Lord came into the world and died without committing a single bad deed. Didn’t violate anyone’s freedom, didn’t cause mental or physical harm to anyone. He could have done everything differently, simpler, but he did it the way he did it, and in this he is an example to all of us. No matter how good intentions we justify evil, it will always remain itself.

Self-justification is the opposite of self-flagellation, but it is the same sin that needs to be fought. They are like a plus and a minus, but the essence is the same: these are wrong, false feelings.

How can a person understand that he is justifying himself? In spiritual matters you always need an outside perspective. Without this, it is difficult to understand yourself. If a person has some serious mistakes in life, difficult situations, it will never hurt him to come to the temple and discuss the situation with an experienced spiritual mentor - to understand whether he is justifying himself in relation to what happened. Many people find it convenient to push everything into the corner of their memory and live in peace.

About imaginary good

This kind of work is the work of our whole life. Our confession and repentance should be its result. We come to church, confess before communion, simply listing some habitual sins. This is acceptable, but not recommended. You need to constantly work on yourself. We think extremely little about our lives, analyze our feelings, and comprehend our actions. Every mistake, every passion - what pushes us to them?

How often, when we do something, we think that we are doing good and with good intentions, but in fact we are causing harm! For example, there is a person with addiction in the family. He constantly finds himself in some bad situations, and his family gets him out of them. They pay off debts, buy back what was pledged to the pawnshop, defend themselves in front of their bosses at work. Thus, they pay for his degradation and help him slide down.

The person, perhaps, would have come to his senses after the first incident. For example, if he sat in a cell for fifteen days, he would be fired from his job, and he would find the strength to say: I don’t want this. When he does something stupid, and everything is corrected for him, it’s very convenient: do what you want, no consequences. So why fix it? He doesn't see the problem and continues to degrade.

Relatives need to figure out why they do this, what feelings push them to such behavior, why they think that if they do not respond, they will go against God.

It often happens in family relationships that representatives of the older generation consider it normal to interfere in the life of a young family, destroying it. Moreover, such elders, as a rule, do not have a normal family (divorced or live as nominal spouses), but they believe that they have the right to teach life.

Why did I give these examples? First of all, you need to carefully analyze your life, try to understand why you act one way or another, what it leads to.

Remove the rotten from the pantry of the soul

Preparing for confession is a kind of inventory. We remove everything rotten and spoiled from the internal bins. We also evaluate our life: what we did wrong, for what reason, and so on.

There are people who come to confession and get away with a formal enumeration of sins: “I sinned in deed, in word, in thought.” This list becomes memorized and does not change for years. Some confess what they have already repented of, what they have transgressed, what has long been yesterday - yesterday in their spiritual life. Many people say: “In my youth I did this and that,” but what have you done now, what do you want to repent of now? That is, people walk in circles, do not change, their spiritual life at this time stands still.

Joy is like a litmus test

The Lord forgives us all our sins - provided we change. Even if they don’t want to forgive you, even if they reject an attempt to compensate for the damage, there is no need to lose heart, this does not mean that you will not be saved. We are well aware of examples of people who made mistakes that were impossible to correct. For example, the holy King David, who committed the sin of adultery and murder: he took possession of the wife of a man whom he deliberately sent to death. Or Saint Prince Vladimir, who was a pagan, had many concubines, killed. In their case, full compensation for the damage was impossible, but these people were canonized. They repented and did good deeds, tried to change, were transformed. By repenting, we must also change. The fruits of repentance are a change for the better.

To understand whether we are going in the right direction, we need some markers. If, when we repent, we do not change, we do not become kinder, then we are doing something wrong. We need to look for the error. One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is joy. It must appear in our lives if we draw closer to God. Becoming happier is normal because people are called to this by God. If this is not the case, if we continue to be discouraged, despair, and feel guilty, then there is a problem with our repentance.

We need to believe that the Lord forgives us, to be filled with light and love. Fullness, meaning, and joy should appear in life. These are signs that a person is moving in the right direction. The Apostle tells us: “Always rejoice. Pray without ceasing"(1 Thess. 5:16-17). This is what we need to strive for. Yes, despondency and despair can attack, and the feeling of repentance can sometimes be difficult, but there is no need to fall into despair.

Often people encounter problems in their spiritual life because they perceive God incorrectly. You need to see in Him a loving Father, and not a punitive being who is just waiting for you to make a mistake in order to immediately punish you for it. Fear prevents us from opening up to God. We say that we love Him, but in reality we are afraid. You need to understand that the Lord does not punish - we punish ourselves with our bad deeds. God shows us only love.

Recorded by Ekaterina Shcherbakova

Nurse Bronnie Ware from Australia cared for hopeless patients for the last 12 weeks of their lives. She wrote down the most common life mistakes, which patients talked about, and published them on the Inspiration and Chai blog.

1. Don’t dare to live life the way you want

Many people today build their lives based on the expectations of other people. In any area, they prefer what their partners or society approve of.

As a result, such people meet the expectations of everyone - parents, teachers, acquaintances - but they themselves feel constant pressure. Most of the time they feel cornered and unhappy.

How to avoid mistakes

Stay true to yourself. If you have the courage to live the life you want, you will likely face criticism and disagreement. Calmly listen to the advice and opinions of others, but if they do not coincide with yours, do not pay much attention to them.

Just as others have the right to express their opinions, you have the right to ignore them. You don't live to please anyone. So don't be afraid to ruin your relationship with people who disagree.

2. Working too much

IN modern society accepted . People are busier now than at any time in history. Yes, the situation of workers in factories at the beginning of the 20th century was much worse, but then they had no choice, but we do.

Parents rarely see their children and shift their care to grandparents or nannies. People do not have time for relationships and other personal matters; career is always a priority, it rises above everything else.

Yes, work provides a means of livelihood, but for some people it becomes the main parameter of self-identification.

How to avoid mistakes

Determine your priorities. If you don't have time for a relationship, it means it's not your first priority. If you skip the gym, it means you don't care that much about your fitness, even if you say otherwise.

Each person has 24 hours in a day, no more and no less. How much time a day do you have? successful entrepreneurs like financial magnates like Warren Buffett, famous athletes like Serena Williams, or television celebrities like Oprah Winfrey. It’s just that some people spend every day productively, while others complain that they don’t get anything done.

Think about what you want to spend your time on and make informed choices. What do you value most in life? Are you spending your time according to your priorities? If you answered no to the last question, your desires and actions do not coincide. Fix it.

3. Not being able to express your feelings

Have you ever tried to forget a person and your feelings for them just because you were afraid to open up? If yes, then you are not alone. There are indeed many people in the world who are alone not because they are unattractive. No, they are educated, beautiful, interesting in communication, but closed to feelings. They systematically miss opportunities to meet new people and expand their social circle.

For the sake of comfort and peace of mind, they refuse any attempt to start a relationship, finding millions of reasons why this person is “not the one,” “not for me,” and so on.

How to avoid mistakes

It is better to regret what you have done than to regret missed opportunities. Or maybe you won’t have to regret it at all. Open up.

Firstly, you will immediately feel better. Secondly, you will find out whether your feelings are mutual or not. Even if you get a refusal, it will be easier to come to terms with it forever than to be tormented all your life by the question: “What if?..”

Ultimately, ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen when you confess your feelings? They will refuse you (most likely politely), and you will simply understand that this is the wrong person.

And if your feelings are mutual, you will get an unforgettable experience, the bonus of which will be pride in your own courage.

4. Lose contact with your friends

It seems to us that friendship is something eternal. That she will remain in any case, even if we do not pay enough attention to her. Therefore, we easily sacrifice friendly meetings for the sake of work, cancel get-togethers because of romantic dates and other important matters. And then we regret the lost friends.

How to avoid mistakes

Instead of waiting for your friends to ask you to meet, take the first step. Perhaps they are also waiting for you to call or write to them, inviting them to spend time together.

If your efforts are not successful, perhaps people simply have other priorities. In this case, you will not regret moving away from them, because you did everything to prevent this from happening.

5. Don't allow yourself to be a happy person.

Are you deeply unhappy? Do you always complain about troubles in life? Do you harp on about the things you don't have and the opportunities you missed instead of enjoying what you have?

Too many people feel unhappy because of their ideas about where they should be and what they should have in order to be happy. However, many of these sufferers live in comfortable conditions, have a stable job, a decent income, a healthy social environment and a great family.

However, the feeling of happiness does not depend on material well-being. It depends on a person’s opinion of what it means to be happy.

How to avoid mistakes

Realize that happiness is everyone's choice. Many people believe that it depends on some factors. They think that they will be happy if they achieve this, that, the third, if their needs are met.

But happiness does not depend on achievements and does not come with them or after them. Happiness is something you can experience right now if you allow yourself to.

There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the path.

What do you regret? Share in the comments.

There is a way out of any situation, even when it seems that everything is irretrievably lost. If you do something and later realize your mistake, you can always try to fix it. First of all, stop punishing yourself, leave all your experiences in the past. It’s better to try to correct the situation, because anyone can make a mistake. The main thing is not to remain idle and do everything possible to change the situation if you truly realize your mistakes.

Losing a loved one

Unfortunately, there is nothing to fix here. But you can devote your life to something noble, something that will make your family, friends or strangers happy. The most effective remedy for depression is useful work. Do charity work, start helping children, the elderly or sick people. Stop trying, live in the present and take care of those around you so that you don’t face even more bitter disappointment in the future. Finally, think about what that person would want, what actions he would expect from you, and whether he would approve of your depression.

Missed Opportunities

Often, people put things off until later, justifying it by saying that there is plenty of time ahead. In fact, life is not as long as we would like. If you feel like you've missed out on a lot of opportunities and all you have to do is make do with what you have, then you're wrong. You need to understand that everything that happens does not always depend on you and your will. Exactly what is supposed to happen always happens. Each phenomenon has its own reason, to understand it, it is enough to answer the question “why?” about every event in your life.

Remember one thing: everything that happened had to happen. If something is not destined for you, then no matter how hard you try, circumstances will still arise that interfere with your plans. Start to evaluate your current situation as a state of expectation, a feeling of change that will definitely happen. You have the power to choose with what attitude to approach them: tormented by missed opportunities that would not have been realized anyway, or to do everything to ensure that new prospects appear. It is very important to understand that many things in life happen independently of you, but you should try to do your best at every stage of your life.

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