How to forget about everything for a while. A complete guide to how to get away with everything. And how does it work

Are you worried about someone saying crap about you? Do your friends approve of your actions? Have you started avoiding conflicts? Have you become a spineless nonentity? Well, it's time for you to learn to give up on everything.

I have something to confess.

I've spent almost my entire life - 31 years - worrying too much about offending anyone, wondering if I'm good enough to relate to other people, and asking myself what those same people think of me.

And guess what? I'm over it. It's stupid and it definitely doesn't do me any good. All this turned me into a punching bag - a twitchy, constantly worried wreck. Moreover, it turned me into someone who is not ready to have my own beliefs. The one who always remains in the middle, not daring to accept any of the opinions, so that, God forbid, he does not offend anyone. That's it. This won't happen anymore. Not today.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, everything will be completely different.

We'll talk about the cure. About what we need like air. Let's talk about the truth.

Are you worried about someone saying crap about you? Do your friends approve of your actions? Have you started avoiding conflicts? Have you become a spineless nonentity?

Well, it's time for you to learn to give up on everything.

FACT NUMBER 1: People evaluate you all the time.

Yes, yes, and right now too. Some people don't like you at all, at all, and guess what? There's nothing you can do about it. No matter how much you convince them, suck up to them and adapt to their interests. In fact, the opposite approach is more likely to work here - the more firmly you stand your ground, the more they will respect you - even if reluctantly.

People really respect those who know how to draw a line and tell everyone around: “Don’t cross it, otherwise it will be bad.” Some people might not like this, but so what? They probably wouldn't like you anyway, so why try to please people who don't really care about you?

Like this. But besides ordinary people, there are also trolls from the Internet. And this is a completely different calico.

It’s quite easy to neglect ordinary people - even if they say all sorts of nasty things about you behind your back, you still won’t hear it, so why bother? But on the World Wide Web of the Internet everything is completely different - you see these nasty things. Moreover, they can have an effect on you, because those who tell them know that you have your own quirks, you can be funny in some ways, and so on. But the main problem with anonymous internet haters is that they bring out your inner paranoid person who secretly believes that everyone hates you.

Fortunately, this is not actually the case. The truth is that most people don't even care that you exist. Accept this truth, my friends, for it is liberating. The world is huge, and you are just a grain of sand in it, and therefore you can do whatever you want, and send those who don’t like it to hell.

FACT NUMBER 2. You don't need everyone to love you.

Yes, I know, at first glance this idea may seem crazy, but it's actually very cool and easy to get used to. By the way, here’s another one for you: although most people don’t even know about your existence, and some pretend to be a judge evaluating your every action - do you really care?

You may not yet understand how liberating a thought like this is, but you certainly will. Well, for example, from this – do you know what happens when someone doesn’t love you? Absolutely nothing. The world does not end its existence. Your haters are not standing behind you with axes. And in general, the more completely you ignore them and just go about your business, the better for you.

Have you heard the proverb “The best revenge is a happy life”? In general, it is true, but it is only part of the whole. Yes, a happy life is great, but is it possible to live a happy life constantly thinking about ill-wishers and their dark thoughts. Just do what you want and move on with life.

In general, in order to live happy life, first you just need to give up on a lot. Without this nothing will work. That's why you should start doing this right now.

FACT NUMBER 3. The only people who matter are those who care.

So, we have accepted the fact that most people don’t even know about your existence, and your ill-wishers are, in essence, few in number, and you can simply ignore them. Super. Now you have to understand that people who care, people to whom you are very important, are the only ones worth paying attention to.

A strange thing is personal relationships. As soon as we have them (be it family, spouse, close friends, etc.), we very quickly begin to take these people for granted, and instead of devoting time to them, we begin to fluff our tail in front of strangers - for example, a boss. And then, when we do manage to impress him, we begin to take this relationship for granted, and this cycle continues endlessly - an endless cycle of apathy. It seems that we will always prefer to impress and enchant something new than to take care of what we already have.

But these people are perhaps the best thing you have. They understand you, understand your mission and your aspirations. You feel better next to them than anywhere else; you can be sad with them, laugh, or just be yourself. They help you relax, remember that there are still those in the world who care. They are very important to you. So pay attention to them.

FACT NUMBER 4. Those who know how to give up on everything change the world around them. The rest don't do this.

I'm reading a shitty book by Stephen King called "The Long Walk." It's about a competition in which people just go forward without sleep or stopping, and if they stop, they are simply killed (in general, this kind of crap happens in every book of his - “It’s a clown, but he kills!”, “It’s a machine, but it kills!”, and so on)

I think the plot of this book is a kind of metaphor for war, but it also conveys the very essence of perseverance very well. To leave something behind and move forward, you just need to understand that the obstacle that stands in your way is not so terrible, and it can be overcome. And this truth never changes - regardless of whether you are running a marathon or want to fly to Mars.

If you get rid of unimportant tasks and things, if you throw it all out of your mind and focus on what really needs to be done, if you understand that your time is limited and take up work right here and now - only then will you be able to cross the finish line the line. Otherwise, you will have to live in a life that, in general, is not even interesting to you.

Note: Learn to be more accepting of mistakes and obscurity. Yes, right now you may be going through a bad period in your life, feeling lonely, or even a loser. We've all been in a similar position. However, the time has come for you to learn that such feelings are quite common, and that even the most successful and happy people in the world. They were able to overcome them - and you can too.

All-seeing eye

Want to know something? This doesn't concern other people at all. This only applies to you.

I recently had the chance to chat with Jonathan Fields about the acceptability of using profanities (and generally “the proper names for certain things”) in blogs. We talked on Skype, and I noticed the moment when he wanted to swear, but stopped in time. It looked absolutely amazing. So I asked him: “You felt it too, right?”

Each of us has an internal censor eye. It never closes and always watches us. It has been slowly and painstakingly created in our minds by society, family and friends, and it constantly monitors our behavior. If you've been with him for a long time, most likely you have already begun to believe that this eye is you, and that you are just a “polite person.” Well, or they tried to explain it somehow.

But this eye is not you at all. This is a prison, a cage in which you sit completely voluntarily. Her walls are strong because you made them that way.

But do you know what its charm is? Yes, the fact is that it cannot do anything to you, even if it wants to. It's just an eye. It can only watch. And you, and only you, can perform actions.

So - how to regain your self-respect in five simple steps.

STEP 1: Do something that embarrasses you.

My girlfriend and I walk a lot, so we bought ourselves a pair of Vibram Fivefingers. Have you seen them at all? They are very good for your knees, and you definitely won't get blisters in them, but appearance Ours is completely ugly. Yesterday I wore them under a suit and bow tie that I usually wear for Easter. And he looked like a complete psycho.

As I already wrote at the beginning of this article, other people’s judgmental views and words can quite upset me - yes, this upsets many people, but not everyone admits it. But when I walked through the city in my clown outfit, no one even looked at me. No one cared, and if someone looked at me with a surprised look, he simply moved on. And after a couple of minutes, most likely, he completely forgot about me.

Try it - it won't cost you anything. Find your internal filters and break them, one by one. See how society, like an ocean, smooths out all the waves you make, wallowing in it until what you do is completely erased from its memory or becomes acceptable. So let's get to work!

STEP 2: Accept your awkwardness—or do something about it.

It is a known fact that journalists interviewing often get their best material by simply sitting quietly and letting the silence force the words they need out of the politician or celebrity.

Yes, silence can make you nervous. Personally, it still unnerves me. But I'm working on it, and now I know that it's better to be silent than to try to fill the silence with chatter. However, this is just one type of awkwardness, and it’s quite easy to get used to this type, or to overcome it.

Another type of social awkwardness is when you do something wrong (or someone does something nasty to you), but don’t find the strength to say it. Life has taught me a couple of serious lessons related to this, from which I learned that it is better to tell the unpleasant truth than to try to avoid this conversation altogether.

I'm told that Clinton's rule for earning respect in the political sphere was: if someone pushes you, push them back twice as hard. It's clear and understandable, it's not passive resistance, and it gives you confidence. This is much better than awkwardness. Try it!

STEP 3. Don't let yourself be boxed in.

The video above was filmed in 1970, just after the Quebec Liberation Front killed minister Pierre Laporte and stuffed his body into the trunk of a car. Trudeau's phrase "Just watch me" became one of the most famous in Canadian political history. Journalists are trying to force him into a frame, forcing him to choose in front of the camera between a police state that glorifies security and a free civil society, but Trudeau refuses to dance to their tune.

Yes, there are no more people like Trudeau in the Liberal Party of Canada, but there is still hope for us. Go wherever you want. Don't settle for options imposed on you from the outside. Don't let people tell you how to live. Also, don’t listen to your inner eye.

STEP 4. Tell the truth.

No, you don't need to be a total ass, but what the world definitely doesn't need is another conflict-avoiding passive wimp. He doesn’t need another little person who does “like everyone else.” The “status quo” gets along just fine without you, so if you see something you don’t like at all, why not say so? In any terms?

And don't try to be a diplomat. To tell the truth is to tell the truth as you understand it, and not try to sweeten the bitter pill beforehand.

STEP 5. Start a new life.

It’s not for nothing that this step is the last, since you can’t get to it without going through all the others first, but since you’re already here, then you can calmly begin to explore the new world that has opened up to you - one in which you can do whatever you want, if only it doesn’t really harm others. Want to climb into an old abandoned building? There is no question if you are ready for this (and for what follows). Do you want to be tied up and whipped by a strict "mistress"? No problem, just don't overdo it.

And once you take this path, you will begin to realize with surprise that almost everyone around you is able to understand the strange things that you do. Moreover, it makes you an unusual and interesting person, worthy of attention - and your plans for world domination (if you have any) need just that.

But none of this can simply happen until you realize that the invisible eye is watching you, and learn to ignore it. This is one of the most serious acts of self-control that gives you confidence and makes you stronger.

Get your self-respect back. Today. Now. Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth.

And finally, forget about everything unnecessary.

If you don't know how to stop thinking about a guy, we will help you with this. The action plan is scheduled for two weeks, where each day is devoted to a specific activity.

How to score on a guy: action plan

If you want to be sad and mourn the situation, then the first day can be made a day of crying. Tears protect against negativity and allow you to get rid of accumulated emotions. You can listen to your favorite song, watch videos and photos, etc.

The second day puts an end to the former relationship. Everything is in the trash, gifts, CDs, things, photos without pity are in the trash. There is no need to leave or give anything back. In the trash can, period.

Cleansing the soul, thoughts and body. We make an aromatic bath with salt and oils, soak, warm up, and then descend, opening the plug. When the water leaves, we imagine that sorrows, sorrows, and a past life go along with it on a journey through the pipes.

We minimize communication with mutual friends to avoid meeting and discussing this situation.

It is believed that a woman gets a new hairstyle when she starts new life. Go to the hairdresser and don't be afraid to experiment.

Let's go in for sports or exotic dancing. Exercising makes you feel happy due to the release of endorphins, the hormone of happiness.

Now that there is no need to go to cafes and bars as a couple, drink beer and eat fast food, you can take care of proper nutrition and lose a few kilograms.

If you can’t get rid of thoughts about your boyfriend, you need to plan a series of activities that will not leave free time for “bad” thoughts.

In addition to sports, you can go shopping, which will help update your wardrobe, improve your mood and make your image brighter.

New love will help cross out all past experiences. It's time to party, with bright makeup and a joyful mood. Go ahead, preparation requires manicure, pedicure, makeup, etc.

What else can you do to forget your boyfriend? Get involved in your studies or career. After all, it was because of him that you abandoned her recently. Precisely because of emotional and love experiences.

Now is the time to catch up. Shine in your place and then, firstly, your self-esteem will rise, and secondly, you will have less time to remember the guy and suffer about it!

Start cleaning the apartment. It is necessary to wipe all the dust off the shelves; there are probably a lot of souvenirs there that were given to them. Select a separate box, or the farthest drawer of the table, into which you hardly look, and put everything that reminds you of your ex-boyfriend in it. All your photos together, all his gifts and cards.

By the way, at this stage, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to erase all his SMS and mms from the phone. The best way to forget a guy. Then, someday, you will find all this, and these trinkets will bring back only pleasant memories for you. Someday, but not now.

In general, the most The best way forgetting one guy means finding another! Go to discos and walk in parks, visit museums and cinemas, meet guys and flirt with them.

Now you can not only do this, for the first time in the last nth period of time, but it is simply necessary. There are a lot of wonderful guys on your street, in your district, in your city, and each of them will happily help you forget the guy, even if he himself doesn’t even know about it!

Natalya Tolstaya advises:

Do you know what you can’t forget? But you can change your attitude:

Open your heart to new feelings:

Don't make these mistakes:

Are you used to constantly worrying about what people might think of you? Sometimes this anxiety develops into fear and painful dependence on someone else's assessment? You just can’t get someone else’s unkind comment about you out of your head? I have good news for you. There is a simple technique that will allow you to quickly don't care about other people's opinions about you.

No, this does not mean turning into a brute who does not take into account the opinions of others and does what he wants. This means eliminating unnecessary and unnecessary worries about the unkind assessment of others, which, believe me, any person has to face in life.

In this article, I will not offer 35 miraculous ways to stop worrying about other people’s opinions, which you will forget within 10 minutes of reading. I won’t tell you that you don’t always control what others think about you. I won't write entire paragraphs about how other people's impressions of you can be biased, subject to instant bias. I'm not going to convince you that most people are obsessed with themselves, and they often don't care about you. Some of these tips are too obvious, despite the fact that they are true, while others have been discussed repeatedly in my articles, for example,.

“The 100 psychological tips you read in books turn out to be ineffective in cases of social stress.”

Many people already know that they need to strive to be themselves, ignoring what others think. They are well aware that other people can think whatever they want, projecting their personal complexes and fears into the outside world, evaluating everyone through their cloudy prism. However, all this knowledge is shattered in the first acts social interaction: a business meeting, friendly party- anything. “What if I’m an uninteresting conversationalist?”, “What if she decided that I was stupid?”, “Probably everyone thought that I was a boring bore”. 100 tips from psychologists that you read in books turn out to be ineffective in cases of social stress.

Therefore, in this article, without further ado, I will give everything one simple technique, which you can try right away to stop worrying about another person's opinion. You can use it any time you encounter social anxiety. This technique will help someone overcome it. And thanks to her, someone will learn a lot of new things about themselves, resolve their old fears and contradictions, and learn to accept themselves as they are. This is pure practice, not theory. And it will take you a little more time than it takes to accumulate saliva in your mouth and spit it out.

Description of the technique

So that's it. Let's imagine a standard scenario of anxiety arising due to someone else's opinion. In a conversation with that pretty girl, you hesitated and worried, not interesting her with fascinating conversations and intelligent reasoning. And now you’re worried that she might think you’re a bore and only know about trivial things.

What do most people do in such a situation? Act intuitively, which in fact does not lead to any result. They meticulously go over all the events and dialogues in their heads, trying to remember those moments when they found themselves in a favorable light in front of others: “Perhaps not everything is so bad, and I managed to seem smart and educated?” But this tactic fails from the start. All these endless arguments with oneself, attempts to calm oneself only increase anxiety. And to get rid of it, you have to do the exact opposite of that.

So, set aside at least five minutes of free time. Try it now. Get your thoughts in order. You can take several full and slow breaths in and out. Or a couple of minutes.

And then do what you least want to do: imagine in your mind that the person whose opinion you are worried about has already thought the worst about you. Moreover, imagine it as if it really happened.

“She has already decided that I am a complete dumbass,” “They all realized that I am absolutely uninteresting and a boring conversationalist.” Here it is important not to feel sorry for yourself, take it to the very extreme: "These people now think I'm just a complete idiot."

Here you probably read it and were horrified. Many of you have decided that this is the worst advice you can give to a person in this situation. And so self-esteem “limps”, and we achieve it even further, trampling it deep into the mud. But no, friends, don’t rush to close the article, now I’ll explain why and how it works.
Please pay attention a little and follow the train of thoughts. The information will be a little revealing, and I don't want to lose you.

The swan song of our self-esteem

Where does this plaintive song of offended self-conceit come from? The superficial observer will say: “This anxiety occurs when our expectations of how we should appear to other people (what Freud calls the superego, the ideal self) do not correspond to reality.”

My answer to such a superficial observer is: “Well, I see that you are very smart, but you did not take into account one simple thing: this anxiety appears when our expectations of what we should be do not correspond to our ideas about the opinions of other people. And this opinion is again based on their personal subjective ideas about us.”

Everyone understands very well that other people’s thoughts about us do not always correspond to reality. But our idea of ​​their opinion also does not correspond to what they actually think about. And their idea of ​​us, in turn, also does not correspond to reality!

Probably already confused. But now I’ll explain.

It turns out that worrying about the opinions of others is a discrepancy between one illusion (the Super-I, the illusion of the “idealized self” and the image in society that we are trying to create) with another illusion, which is based on yet another illusion! But in short, friends, this is what the hell! Illusion on illusion and illusion drives!

We have fantasized about how we should look in the eyes of other people and are upset when it seems to us that others refuse to believe in our personal fantasies!

Moreover, this accumulation of illusions gives rise to very real anxiety, because of which people choose professions they don’t like, communicate with people they don’t like, and live lives they don’t like! The scale of this disaster is colossal. And all because of some kind of illusion, and an illusion in a cube!

The exercise I taught you is not intended to drown you in a pool of self-criticism. Its task is to destroy in one fell swoop this house of cards of worry that you have erected in your mind. It is like cold water that pours onto your head and makes you wake up. I called this technique “lightning” because it, like an instantaneous bright flash, disperses the darkness of the illusion, like a lightning bolt strikes the very heart of your anxiety.

All these wonderful tips about being yourself, that other people's opinions of you are concentrated only in their heads and are only their own business, cease to be some kind of theory for you. They become pure experience, a direct experience of the heart, not the mind!

So how does it work?

One of my biggest discoveries in the field of combating fears and anxiety is the fact that we are usually afraid of some probabilistic event that may or may not happen. Usually such experiences begin with the words: “What if?” But when we perceive an event as something that has already happened with 100% probability, . Because our consciousness moves from the mode of fantasizing about a non-existent phenomenon (or existing only potentially) to the mode of constructive planning of actions about what actually happened. “This has already happened, what am I going to do about it?” This, you see, puts you in a constructive mood.

And when you reluctantly decide that some people have already thought the worst about you, you begin to think of it as a phenomenon that has come true: “What’s next?”

You notice that as soon as you coldly accept this fact, everything appears in a completely different light! You observe that your reaction to this bitter thought was not as terrible as you first imagined it to be. “Well, we thought and thought, so what next?”– you reason more calmly.

The fear and anxiety that you felt just a few minutes ago may seem ridiculous from the height of the exaggerated extreme that you have consciously created in your mind. You didn’t feel sorry for yourself, trying to soften the tones, but slashed straight away: “Yes, she 100% decided that I was just a complete moron.”. This technique immediately shows that what others think about you is not at all the same as what you think about yourself ( “Well, of course I don’t consider myself a complete idiot.”).

(Painful dependence on other people’s opinions occurs, among other things, from the fact that we begin to identify opinions about us with what we are for ourselves. We, as Nietzsche used to say, are trying to convince people that we are good, smart, noble, so that we can then believe in this opinion ourselves! Therefore, when others think badly of us, it may seem to us that we really are bad. The trick I described above helps us sharply distinguish between these two things. He is like a hammer that breaks illusory identity.)

Moreover, this approach helps you immediately see the obvious limited subjectivity of someone else’s assessment of your person. Let's say you admit that someone could think the most terrible things about you, for example, that you are the lowest and most vile person in the world and deserve fiery Gehenna. But you understand: no matter how terrible other people's thoughts about you are, these are just other people's thoughts, the imagination of others. Yes, this is understandable. But through this exercise you understand it on a deep, emotional level, on a level that allows you to make this truth your experience and practice.

Yes, someone thought terrible things about you.

So what? Really, so what? You never know what people think about you! You can't please everyone! That's right, you can't please everyone. But only now is your mind ready, like a sponge, to absorb this truth and dissolve it within itself.

Self-esteem is nonsense

The goal and purpose of this approach is neither self-deprecation nor self-praise. His goal is to learn to accept what is. I was always a little puzzled by the question

Much more important questions for me it’s “how to become better” and . Each of us is an individual with a set of strengths and weaknesses. We can remove some shortcomings and develop some advantages. With other qualities, alas, we can’t do anything, we just have to accept it. What does this have to do with how we evaluate ourselves? We are who we are. And a person who does not know how to accept himself must learn to do so, that’s all. His self-esteem has nothing to do with it.

Self-esteem can become the lever that other people pull to control you through criticism or flattery. She can become a thorn that causes burning shame and nervous anxiety about the opinions of others.

The exercise in this article teaches you to accept yourself. Why? Because mentally you have already assumed the worst thing that a person could think about you. Therefore, you will easily accept something that is not so terrible, but more realistic. “That person thought of me that I was very boring.” Either it is true, or it is not true, or both are mixed. Most often it happens both. “Yes, of course, I’m not the most boring person. There are people who are not bored with me. But I must admit that I don’t have the skill to communicate on topics that are not interesting to me.” So what? Great tragedy? I think people face much bigger problems in their lives than understanding their inability to engage in small talk.

Self-criticism and self-praise deprive you of any maneuver. You are either fixated on biting yourself or reveling in your social brilliance. I don't want to do anything. But acceptance opens up space for action, oddly enough. Let's say you've accepted the idea that you're not the most brilliant conversationalist. What's next? Next, you can either develop communication skills if they are important to you, or forget about them if they are not important. What's the point of worrying?

“We can stubbornly seek the respect and friendship of those people who do not and cannot play any role in our lives.”

Often, in the pursuit of recognition from other people, we forget what is really important to us. We can stubbornly seek the respect and friendship of those people who do not play and are not capable of playing any role in our lives. Why are we doing this? Sometimes for the notorious inflation of self-esteem. Sometimes striving for everyone's admiration becomes something of a competition for us, victories in which should remind us of our dignity and brilliance. And sometimes we just do it out of inertia: once we’ve started to seek someone’s friendship, we continue to do it, despite all the failures.

But once we finally achieve this, we cease to appreciate it, although sudden failures on the social front, acts of disapproval from others can still greatly demoralize us. We cease to value the love and respect of those people who value us for who we are, whose favor we do not need to achieve with all our might: our close friends, relatives, while desperately striving for the friendly assessment of some random colleagues at work.

This magical exercise allows you to stop and ask yourself: “Hey, wait, is this opinion really that important to me?”

But what if it turns out to be really important? A person who is very important to you does not reciprocate your affection for him or your claims of friendship with him? If this really upsets you, that's completely normal. We are human and tend to get upset about these things. Accept this pain with all your heart with gratitude, because it will make you stronger. Don't try to deny it and drive it away. Let her be. Carry it with you for a while if you have to. But not with his head bowed mournfully, but solemnly and proudly - like a banner, like a noble insignia. And then it will pass. After all, everything passes. There will undoubtedly be people who will painfully disappoint you, there will be no escape from it. But let there be as few such people in your life as possible.

In this article I will try to talk about what stress is and in any life situations. I'll explain how to stay cool without the help of pills, alcohol and the like. We will talk about how to suppress nervousness, how to stop being nervous and calm your mind. Usually, a feeling of nervousness arises due to some important and responsible events, due to constant stress and psychological stress; some people are generally nervous about all sorts of little things. We get nervous because we overestimate the significance of events, because we are unsure of ourselves, because we are shy, and simply because we are prone to worry.

What makes us nervous?

People worry in dangerous situations, when something may threaten their life, or during important, significant events. In the modern world, threats to life do not arise often, so the main reasons for anxiety can be considered the fear of failure or looking inappropriate in front of people around you.

When a person is nervous, his palms begin to sweat, his heartbeat quickens, trembling appears, and it becomes difficult to think and collect his thoughts. This is very disturbing, and does not help in any way to cope with the situation, calm down and not be nervous. Stress is not a natural reaction of the body, it is a feature of your personality, your reaction to what is happening, which you can try to eliminate.

Why is stress harmful?

Stress reduces your thinking ability and makes it harder to concentrate, which can only make the situation that started the worry worse. It becomes more difficult for you to control your intonation and gestures, which can have a bad effect on a date or some important negotiations. You start drinking and smoking because you need something to relieve stress.

Because of their nerves, people get tired faster and become more tense, and this is already bad for health and can lead to various diseases, not only mental, but also physical. Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders, so it is better to learn to calm yourself and stop being nervous altogether.

How to calm down and not be nervous

There is a lot of advice on how to calm down and not be nervous, but most have only a temporary effect. You should tell yourself: “I don’t need to be nervous, it bothers me and I want to get rid of it!”

So how can you stop being nervous about anything? You get nervous about all sorts of trifles: passing exams, an unpleasant conversation, speaking in public. But is this really worth thinking about and worrying about? Think about these things and evaluate their importance, not individually, but in the context of your life, your plans and prospects. What is the significance of an argument on a bus in your life? And is being late for work so dangerous that you need to be nervous about it?

Take a break from this, think about your future. I am sure that from this perspective these events will cease to be important to you. This attitude helps you calm down and not get nervous over any trifle. But this still may not be enough, at least at first, so let's move on. How to calm down before an exam, performance or other important event.

Let's say some important event awaits you ahead, be it negotiations, a date, exams or a performance, on which a lot depends. But there is no need to overestimate and dramatize everything; in order for everything to go well, you just need to not be nervous and calm down. These events are very important, so you need to focus and make sure everything goes well. Immediately throw thoughts of failure out of your head, try to calm down and not think about anything. Take a deep breath and exhale.

How to calm down quickly

The following exercise should help you:

• Inhale for 4 seconds.
• Hold the air for 2 seconds.
• Exhale for 4 seconds.
• Wait two seconds.

You can double the breaths and pause if breathing allows.

Just remember that you need to breathe with your stomach, not your chest. Breathing from the diaphragm calms your heartbeat and brings you into a calm state. The most important thing during this exercise is not to think about anything other than breathing. After a few minutes you will calm down and stop being nervous. With regular exercise, the nervous system is gradually put in order, and you are less nervous without any exercise.

How not to be nervous

If the psychological attitude and exercises do not help, try to demonstrate external calm and equanimity. This not only helps not to lose face, but also allows you to achieve inner peace. Not only your facial expressions determine your calmness, but vice versa. And this is not fiction, for example, when you smile, you relax and feel better.

Eliminate all the habits that appear when you are nervous: stop fiddling with your pen, put it down, stop chewing your pencil, fidgeting with your fingers, fidgeting in your chair, etc. Think about it: do you look tense from the outside? Look after yourself.

The most important thing is to take your time, even if you are late for something. Due to haste, composure and calmness are lost. And this applies not only to important events, try to get rid of the rush altogether. Even if you are in a hurry, it is better to take care of your nerves.

That's really all I can advise you. Don’t get nervous over trifles, take your time, take care of yourself, and do special exercises to calm down. Good luck! http://znaikin.net

How to forget about everything and not be nervous. Video

There are people who worry about everything: how they look, whether they will offend someone by saying the wrong thing. This approach to life prevents you from achieving your goals and being happy, and complicates life even for the people around you.

Jiddu Krishnamurti, an Indian philosopher, once asked what his secret was, answered: “I just don’t pay attention to what’s happening.” In this article we will talk about the causes of the problem and look at ways to combat it.

Why do we worry about trifles?

The main natural causes of human anxiety may be a risk to health or life. Nowadays, such dangerous situations are quite rare. Therefore, a person finds many other reasons for concern. This could be uncertainty about the outcome of the transaction, fear of failure, fear of looking funny and ridiculous.

Such situations also manifest themselves physically: hands tremble, heartbeat quickens, palms sweat, it’s hard to concentrate. And no matter what task a person actually faces, purely because of the increased level of excitement, he risks failing everything. Everything would be fine, but there were no real reasons for failure. The reason was self-inflation and stress as a result of this. But you can fight this.

Let's consider a few facts, the understanding of which will help you separate the important from the unimportant and not worry about the little things.

External assessment

There are people around you who evaluate you. Some are silent, others consider it their duty to point out all your shortcomings. It's not always out of spite. Some people really want to help and fix what they think is wrong with you and your actions.

Another question is that you have your own view on this. Even a woman teacher, raising a child in her own way, can hear enough of this from relatives and neighbors that she will lose all confidence in her qualifications. The secret is self-confidence and the ability to insist on your own, to defend your point of view. People respect the confidence and strength of others. Even if they don’t understand, they will retreat before your conviction.

There are those who just don't like you. And no matter what you do, in any area of ​​life, they will be unhappy and full of criticism.

What to do? Nothing!

It is their right: to love or not to love you. And you are not a carrot to be tasty for everyone. You just need to accept this fact and not pay attention to it.

There is also a category of people who tease you on the Internet: evil trolls. These may be more difficult. You don’t meet ordinary people every day, and you can simply ignore gossip about you: you don’t hear them, but it’s still not true. And trolls can pester you with messages and even spread nasty things about you online.

In reality, it just seems more difficult; all you have to do is block unwanted online acquaintances and you won’t hear from them. And people who know you well will not believe in idle speculation.

And the real truth about this fact is that, by and large, people don’t care about you. A person is mainly interested only in himself, and often does not show attention even to his loved ones. What to say about others. Therefore, behave in a way that suits you: create, go towards your goal, reach your own heights. And don't think about other people's opinions. There will always be people who will be delighted with your actions.

You can't please everyone

Most people don't care about you, they have their own problems. Why do you need to like them? Why should their opinion matter? Assuming that it exists at all.

You are who you are: you are compatible with some people, not with others. You have your own path, radically different from theirs. That's normal, that's life. First of all, you definitely won't change it. Secondly, it doesn't change anything in your life. Well, one more hater, one less. Your goal is to be happy.

Thoughts about bad happiness only interfere.

So just forget about those who don’t love you, that’s their right. And your life belongs to you and the influence of various negative types should not prevent you from achieving success on your path.

Only a small circle is important

Most people are neither cold nor hot from your existence. And you don’t need to pay attention to their possible opinion. You can forget about them.

Often, over time, people begin to take close relationships for granted: pay less attention to the person’s needs and preferences, and do not notice their dissatisfied glances. But at the same time, they actively try to earn the love of a new boss or neighbor. You can't do that. These are the most important people in your life and they are the ones who care about you being happy and succeeding in life.

With them you can be yourself and not worry about being judged or offended. Appreciate such people and do not ignore their opinions.

People who don't care change the world

Excessive worry takes away a lot of strength and energy. The more reasons for such stress you find for yourself, the less strength you have left for what is important - goals, life path.

You won't reach your goal if you don't know where it is and what the goal is. And also you will not get to the north if you intentionally or unintentionally go south. If you are distracted by the opinions of others, adapt to their views and change your plans to please public opinion, then you will not master your path.

Mistakes along the way are normal. Yes, you can be blamed and criticized for them. Not scary. Firstly, everyone has the right to make mistakes. And secondly, these are your mistakes and they also give results: they teach you, train you. And every mistake is another brick in building your happiness. You will overcome everything, step by step.

Therefore, forget about others, forget about the little things and direct all the saved energy in the right direction: go forward - towards your dream.

How to give up on everything in 5 steps

Those who do not know how to cut off all the unimportant moments from their field of vision complicate their lives and mark time. We offer several steps that will help you forget about all the unnecessary details.

Let go of expectations

Don't think about what will come of your actions. You spent time and energy, you tried for the result. But now that's it: the train has left. Nothing can be changed. You can do something different, new and important.

So relax, let go of your worries and expectations, enjoy the moment. Switch to the positive: “What a great guy I am! I was able to do it: quickly, on time!” Praise yourself. It will be more beneficial.

Live for today

For every moment of life, a person is allocated a certain amount of energy. It needs to be put to good use for this moment. But this energy flows away like water if you spend a moment thinking about the past or worrying about the future.

Forget about the past: it is no longer there. You are a different person now. You have a different goal and mission.

Don't worry about the future. It may not come in the form in which you see it if you do not invest in today, in the present moment. If you are always thinking about the past and future, then you are not now. Thus, you do not actually live, but float in time.

If you have a day off, don't think about work. Work is on Monday, and now it’s family time.

Build your life now, enjoy every minute, fill it with joy, smiles, new achievements. This brings the moment of success closer.

Overcome Fear

Eat wise saying: “Our doubts are our traitors. They make us lose what we might have won if we weren't afraid to try."

There is so much truth and wisdom in these words. Just think about it, penetrate the depth.

The cause of most worries and anxieties is simply fear and self-doubt. A person is afraid of making mistakes, afraid of losing friends, being left alone, without money. And the man continues to mark time:

• Doesn’t change boring work: what’s next, and if he doesn’t find a better one;
• Doesn’t ask for a salary increase: what if they fire you altogether;
• I don’t start my own business: what if I lose everything;
• Doesn’t try to get close to someone he likes: he’ll suddenly say “No.”

Often our fears are prejudices from childhood, stereotypes imposed by society. It is enough to discard them. how easy and simple life becomes.

Sometimes fears reveal our lack of confidence in ourselves, our lack of confidence in our worth as a person, as a specialist. What to do? You need to rationally look at your capabilities and understand that you are worth something. It's hard to believe. Therefore, you need to actively act: prove not to others, but first of all to yourself, that you can. It is useful to learn something new, expand your horizons, travel, meet new people, engage in some kind of creativity, sports.

There is a rule: “Don’t think about the problem, think about the solution.”

Paying attention to the problem and concentrating only on the negative makes you worry, this causes fear of losing. Think about the result you want and act in that direction. Always think about success, about what you want to achieve. And do what you need to do: it’s better to do it and make a mistake than not to try and miss out on happiness.

The right decision: follow the call of your soul, without thinking about any “ifs.” “The heart will never tell you to do something bad,” these are very correct words.

Find and accept your values

Understand your values:

• what really matters to you;
• what do you live for?
• who is important to you.

This will help you throw everything away unnecessary worries, separate the wheat from the chaff. When you know what you need and what you are striving for, then you will have something to do.

And if your head is busy with really important things and thoughts, then there is simply no time to be distracted by all sorts of mental “garbage”. A concentrated person works more efficiently and gets results faster.

Through relaxation to problem solving

There is such a feature of the brain: to cling to something and constantly scroll it in a circle. This is a bad habit. You can tell yourself every minute: forget it, don’t worry. But you still worry and return to the old song: if only, but if only.

First of all, you need to relax. Meditation, a warm bath, a fun movie, sports, yoga will help with this. When the body relaxes, then mental blocks gradually dissolve.

When you relax well, thoughts will practically disappear at first. And when they start to return, try to catch an unnecessary thought and sharply “cut off” it, switch to other issues that are more important at the moment.

This practice will improve your mood since you will not be constantly worried. And it will improve your life, since you will spend the energy of the moment on action, and not on worry. And any useful action brings you closer to happiness.

There are different situations. But many things cannot be changed, and neither suffering nor shame will help. Find yourself in a ridiculous situation: laugh with others. This will lift your spirits and others will understand that you are a strong person and don’t worry about trifles. Why waste energy on negativity.

Some people can suffer and worry for years because of some kind of failure, sometimes completely nonsense: they give reasons for their actions, look for reasons, justifications and guilt for themselves or others. Although it’s high time for them to forget about it and move on.

And you, forget about the little things and just enjoy life. Smile and laugh more.

Be honest

Think about what a meaningless experience will give you? If you can change something, then do it. If you can’t, then worrying won’t change anything. Well, unless it spoils the nervous system.

There is no need to load your mind, soul and body with all sorts of unnecessary “junk”: doubts, uncertainty, searching for the guilty, the extreme. All you have to do is be honest with yourself: decide what you want from life and the situation, objectively evaluate your capabilities and resources.

Being honest with yourself is a quality of the strong. Be strong: focus on what is important and discard the unnecessary.

Sometimes it's hard. The opinions of others put pressure on the psyche and prevent them from making the right choice. You can try to meditate: alone with yourself, discard everything unnecessary, relax and look inside yourself for what brings you joy and pleasure.

Replace obsessive thoughts with positive ones

Go for your dream. Defend your opinions and your purpose. And put aside the feeling of guilt towards others. Yes, you may feel like you haven’t met other people’s expectations, but it’s your life and you get to choose how to live it.

Have you already missed many opportunities? It's okay: you understood the lesson and gained experience. There is no point in suffering anymore. Move forward with faith and hope!

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and forgive others for their actions.

All this has already passed and does not matter. It's important to be here and now. It is important to decide based on your current situation and your dreams. Use the energy you have to act now, don't waste it on the past.

Every event has two sides: negative and positive. Instead of seeing only the negatives in everything, you need to reverse your views. Examples:

Results

Let's summarize. What you need to score everything:

1. Recognizing the problem of increased anxiety over small things is 70% of success on the path to a solution. Understand that worries complicate your life and allow yourself the happiness of living in peace. Focus on what's important.
2. Don't pay attention to other people's opinions. People are only interested in themselves, they don’t care about you. Therefore, consider the opinions of only people close to you.
3. Be simpler. Don't complicate your life unnecessary things and caring for them. Decide on your core values ​​and focus only on them.
4. Fill your life with light, fun and joy. Smile at life and it will reflect your smile and fill you with joy.
5. To be honest. Be honest with yourself and with others, it will simplify your life and fill it with new meaning.

Remember that you are the architect of your own happiness. Focus on this matter: go towards your dream, despite prejudices and stereotypes.

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