Why have I been alone all my life? Why was I born to be unhappy? You have some fears about entering into a long-term relationship

Some people find their soulmate fairly quickly, while others continue to search for them all their lives. Why am I lonely? Even confident women ask this question. Most often, it occurs when you have spent years in unsuccessful attempts to build a relationship and eventually reached the point where faith in love disappears. First of all, understand that you will never be alone. After all, the difference between the concept of “being lonely” and “failing in a relationship” is huge. The most important thing here is correct placement. If you ask this question with an open heart and a desire to really understand the reasons for failure, then you will get the answer pretty quickly.

Here are three reasons why relationship problems most often arise. If you ask “Why am I still alone without a man?”, then you will probably find at least one of them. Just be as frank and honest with yourself as possible. After all, if you miss a small detail, it will be much more difficult for you to understand the situation as a whole. If you cannot objectively evaluate yourself, ask a loved one about it. It’s not for nothing that they say that “from the outside you know better.”

1. You have some fears about entering into a long-term relationship.

When you enter into a relationship, you leave your comfort zone of being alone and another person enters your life. This means that you will have to give your love not only to yourself, but also to your partner. You will have to make decisions not only for yourself, but also for him. An ambivalent attitude will prevent you from taking the emotional risks necessary to be there for a person, to love them, and to allow them to love you. This will keep you from being completely immersed in the relationship and will create all sorts of cowardly ways to ruin your relationship. Fear will make you come up with various excuses and excuses as to why you haven't met "the one" person, and you will blame yourself instead of taking responsibility and being happy in the relationship.

2. Instead of searching for happiness, you are busy searching for the right man.

It is up to you whether you will be happy, and only you make the decisions that should make you happy. If you tend to find only negatives in everything, you are driven only by pessimism and you always view the glass as half empty, and you are not going to change anything, then you are unlikely to be able to find happiness in a relationship.

First of all, change your goal. Instead of looking for the perfect man, look for the one with whom you will be happy. Throw out of your head that ideal man that you have pictured for yourself for a long time. Understand that it is not the external component that is important, but the internal one. The illusion of the ideal will disappear after a few months of euphoria during the candy-bouquet period. And soon you will begin to see a real person with all his shortcomings.

And here the perception of a man and a woman with each other plays a huge role. So, if a man perceives a woman as a whole (which is why they so often do not notice such small changes as hairstyle, hair color, shape of nails, and so on), then a woman sees a man according to individual features. Therefore, if in her dreams she wants to date a blond man with blue eyes, then the brunette man no longer has any chance, no matter how wonderful his inner world is. Remember: there are no ideals and your happiness does not depend on the color of your eyes...

3. You allow the boundaries of your privacy to be violated.

Any relationship you enter into requires some form of boundaries. Whether it applies to your hairdresser, your doctor or your mother, there are “rules” that are implicit in the nature of relationships. You don't have to spend all your free time with your partner. You also have your own affairs that need to be resolved. After all, that’s what her personal life is all about. You can easily go for a walk with friends, visit your loved ones, or have a good time at the gym. Everyone can have their own interests, their own hobbies, hobbies. And there is no need to tie your partner to you. And at the very beginning of a relationship, it is important to build those very boundaries that you should not go beyond. And in the process of a relationship, never allow these boundaries to be crossed.

Most people die

never being born

(Erich Fromm)

Hello,

Dear readers and guests of my blog!

This publication is somewhat different from all previous ones.

It is about a life that is slipping away or has already slipped away.

With this article I begin a series of articles about life crises,where I will talk most about the midlife crisis.

Here are some typical questions that my clients often ask me:

“How to change your life? It seems that you do a lot of things, you want everything to be as good as possible, but everything returns to the old way. But in this direction there is stagnation. Monotony in life. And some kind of hopelessness... as if I was living someone else’s life”;
“I know that I can live differently, but I don’t know what this “different” means...”;
"My own life slips away, and I don’t live my life,, And ... .»;
“I have an emptiness in my life. Why do I always let it take over me and let my life pass me by..."
"? and how to do this?

It seems to me that all these experiences are well reflected in a line from Hermann Hesse’s novel “Klein and Wagner”:

“...and many thought for a moment and became sad about the fact that discord and discord reigned between their lives and their impulses, that their life was not a dance, but exhaustion under weights, weights that they had shouldered upon themselves, in essence, themselves.”

I think many people are familiar with this.

It's familiar when...

...when you live for perhaps many years with a persistent feeling that life is not going at all the way it should go;
...when you wake up at 4 am with your heart beating loudly and a burning thought: “What’s wrong? So what should we do?”;
...when the thought: “something needs to be changed, and it’s too late,” is spinning in your head not just every day, but every minute.

And if she is not in consciousness, then somewhere in the backyard, gnawing and gnawing at the soul, and constantly disturbing from the very depths of your being.

It’s paradoxical, but in appearance everything even seems very decent and successful: family, home, work, in general, good income, friends, connections, and, thank God, everything is fine so far.

We can say that life is a success, and if not wealth, then there is prosperity, but...

But something is wrong. Something is missing. The emptiness in life grows and grows.

There are some answers here:

Many people mistakenly believe that there is not enough money, things, connections, pleasures, entertainment, etc. But as soon as there are more of them, the dead end and emptiness are felt again.

Then many hide behind the phrase:

“Man is designed in such a way that he always lacks something” and they continue to live the same way as they lived, but again they stumble upon.

Over the years, for many, this impulse, this deep-seated demand for life changes, gradually subside, they get used to their situation and live out of habit.

Others indulge in serious things: alcohol, drugs, pleasure. More more money, even more pleasure.

Still others are immersed in everyday life with its worries, affairs, etc.

This everyday life is addictive, becomes something of an outlet, not very cozy and pleasant, but very necessary and, in the end, even familiar and tolerable.

The fourth ones begin to really change their lives.

But all their actions to change their lives are based on an erroneous foundation: “If I bring a lot of new things into it, then I will change it.”

Traveling, trips to other countries, changing jobs and changing places of residence, outside relationships, another family, extreme sports, etc.

But time passes, a person cools down and again finds himself in the sleepy embrace of the monotony of life and the question scratching in the soul:

"What to do? How to change your life?

But it turns out that changes in external life are not enough.
To truly change your life, you need some special impulse, some inner feeling of renewal, some experience of novelty, coming not from external circumstances, but from the inner world

In this publication I will list the main signs that

That a person does not live his own, not full, not authentic life.
That his own life is passing by, that he does not follow his path, does not contribute to his destiny.
That his fate has lost its real meaning, and he has long been haunted by monotony in life.

I believe that these signs can be considered as a test for the presence of crisis phenomena in life.

If you find 2 or more of these signs, then you should think about it and start taking appropriate measures.

So…

Signs Togo, What

“I’m not living my life” or “I’m living someone else’s life”

1. The feeling that “...everything is in place, but something is wrong...”

A persistent or only periodically appearing feeling that life is not going the way it should go.

Not according to the scenario, not the way you would like. You feel this dissatisfaction, it has long made a nest inside you.

Life passes you by, but you have already come to terms with it or are on the way to it.

This is perhaps the most important sign.

It’s as if your soul is telling you about a crisis, gradually, and often directly, telling you that something needs to be changed.

At the same time, you really don’t know how to change, how to find the meaning of life.

Related articles to this topic:

♦

8. Weakening sense of purpose

You stopped setting high goals for yourself and achieving them. You are strong and quality criteria. You have become satisfied with average results.

9. The habit of living by inertia

Your dreams, which once fueled your and your ambitions, are gradually fading away and you are getting used to everyday life, and any changes are already alarming you.

10. Bad habits

Alcohol and/or other intoxicants, as well as your refrigerator and its contents, have become an integral part of your life.

11. Life “for someone”

You live for someone. For the sake of children, husband/wife, parents, friends, colleagues... in general, for the sake of someone, but not for yourself.

And if it were not for this or these, for whom you live, then you would have long ago lost the last meaning and were left alone with the emptiness of life.

You live by habit. You're just doing what you've always done, often without even realizing it.

12. Thoughts about death

The thought that “...my life has disgusted me and I am disgusted with myself...” (L.N. Tolstoy) visits you more and more often.

And the worst thing is that it brings with it another thought: that everything can be completed very quickly, on your own, and this thought even brings some relief and hope, because you think that “the door is always open.”

If you find some of them, then you shouldn’t despair.
In fact, as soon as you begin to think about the fact that your life is eluding you, about how to find the meaning of life, then you are already on the way to renewal, because awareness of the need for changes is the first step towards these changes

That's all for now.

Now you know what the meaning of the statements is: “I’m not living my life” and “I’m living someone else’s life”

Let's talk about why it is so difficult to change our lives, and what always prevents us from doing this.

I don’t want to be unhappy, but all my life nothing has worked out for me, all my life I’ve been unhappy, absolutely nothing has worked out.
I hate people, in my entire life I have never met a person who was kind to me or liked me. I'm afraid of people. The world, with its doctors, state and police. It makes me sick. I didn't find an approach with people. As if to die, if possible. Celebrities are snickering and arrogant. Everyone climbs up. And almost everyone has everything. I don't have anything. I can't with people. They depress me very much and stress me out. I can’t handle them, I’m afraid and they make me angry. They have their own opinion, which never promises me anything good. Why am I born for misfortune? No matter who you spit on, everyone has everything, all the blessings. Work, business, success. Celebrities are getting impudent. Everyone climbed wherever they wanted. I've been alone all my life, for thirty-odd years I've been a fool. No freedom. No flying in the clouds. I've been sick and sick all my life. Why was I born to communicate with freaks who don’t even communicate with me. Living in the world of men is the worst of all the evils on which the world could be built. Why have I been unhappy all my life?

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Hello! This may seem a little strange to you, but I have a very unusual fate. When I was 18 years old, I dated a guy, got pregnant, he left me, married someone else, got divorced (drunk), then I got married, husband found another, divorced, married another (died, and had a wedding with my third husband, found another not long ago, got married here) Now I’m thinking about what will happen next, what fate awaits him? About myself: I don’t drink, I don’t party, I’m calm, at home according to the Cancer horoscope. I’ve always tried to create family comfort, keep the family together, not enter into conflict where necessary, and don’t keep silent so that the odd one out Just don't traumatize a person with arguments. Acquaintances and friends call me a black widow. Help me figure out what the reason is? Why do men who offend me have their fates broken, and they end up badly. When I gave birth, I remember how my grandmother told me: Everyone who offends you They will never see happiness and peace in their life, but I didn’t give her words any meaning, and only years later I noticed that everything she said was coming true, and she also called me a little witch. I don’t notice anything like that about myself, but my loved ones say , what if I’m offended that something is going on with them, and quite serious problems. I really need help, help me figure out what's going on. Why have I been alone all my life?

In contact with

Classmates

The question you ask is very difficult and requires careful consideration and answer. I don’t even know how to summarize your answer without writing a whole petition. But I'll try. Black widow is a concept that is more suitable for general definition, as a popular expression among the common people. Few of those who call you that understand the true deep meaning of this definition. The black widow is a program that was brought about by a very powerful sorcerer or!!! which happens just in the main cases, a woman directs this program to HERSELF! Let me explain, again briefly. From birth you have strong energy. That is, you are quite capable of delivering an energy blow in a state of anger, aggression, or resentment. After your first bad experience, you were most likely so upset that you made a strong message to your ex-husband. Maybe even unconsciously. And here comes the most important thing. As a child, you were taught that you are a witch and everyone will feel bad if they offend you. You have already given this to yourself as an attitude, with this attitude you grew up. They saved up and built up a NEGATIVE charge within themselves. And in your heart you even liked it, again maybe unconsciously. That you are able to punish everyone who treated you unfairly. Then you grew up, the marriage with your husband did not work out, you, of course, got angry with him, and all your accumulated negativity plus naturally strong energy, already dark by that time, thanks to such an attitude about a witch - in a word, you sent an energy blow to your ex-husband . Accordingly, the more a person ALLOWS the negativity in his Energy Structure to grow and mature, the darker the Energy becomes. Over time, it begins to attract only negative circumstances and events. Here's the result for you. If you decide to change your life, and not repeat to yourself about the seal of the Black Widow, then you are quite capable of restraining your dark energy, not allowing the negativity to grow stronger and increase. Well, of course, you should look for a man who is energetically similar to you. You will simply cut off the power to weaker men than you, which you have had so far, and they, weakened, will always find themselves in unpleasant situations. You need a strong person with about the same aura. You will have a harmonious union with him. But nevertheless, I still advise you to develop your willpower and spirit in the future and correct your dark energy. Thus, over time the negativity will subside. and you will begin to attract positive circumstances. That is, there are two main recipes for your happy future: 1. A man who is energetically suitable for you. 2. Control of your Energy and gradual removal of negativity. Restraining yourself from dark thoughts and beliefs. Good luck to you! You will succeed, the main thing is to set a goal!

Good day! There is a certain kind of induced negativity that you can completely get rid of. As for the strength of the witch in you, you can check. And I also want to say that witches have a strong attraction to themselves, they always have a lot of men, without any love spells, they don’t need it. And punishment for insults is borne by your men, at the request of your grandmother. Happy life you still have a long way to go!

You have an overly active imagination, a soft, gentle soul, excessive romanticism, emotionality and dependence on mood. You have to cope with emotional problems, because you tend to enter into love relationships that are karmically doomed to failure, and at the same time believing that such a union will last forever. But if you treat these failures as a kind of achievement-steps leading to a higher level, you can avoid severe disappointments. No matter how many failures you have in life, you can always find love and happiness if you make a firm decision and refuse to accept life is less than you really want. You truly have a heart of gold, and for your loved ones you are ready to do everything possible and impossible. But for a long-term union with a partner to be successful for you, very serious work on personal relationships is required.

If you are unhappy with the place you occupy, change it! You are not a tree! Jim Rohn I think you have often asked the question “Why is this happening? Why do I have such a husband/such a wife? Why do I have such a child/mother/brother? Why do I have this job? Why am I not happy with my life? Who is to blame for this? And why are there people who are doing well, everything is the way they want?”

Let's try to answer the question together: “Who is to blame for the fact that you don’t like your life?”

First, I’ll ask you a counter question: “Is it so important to look for someone to blame?” Well, you found it, what next? We express to the guilty person everything we think about him, thereby spoiling the relationship, without thinking at all about: “How will this help me improve my life?” We were brought up in such a way that someone else is to blame... The main thing for us is to express everything that is boiling, everything that is painful and everything that comes to mind at the moment! We do not think about the consequences and the meaning of the words spoken. We always blame someone: fashion, weather, government, wife, boss, genes, etc. Why?

So, I’ll tell you a secret, the root cause of our problems is COMPLAINT and the search for those to blame! When we find them, we automatically relieve ourselves of responsibility for this task. Because we begin to think about how to explain and prove to a person that he is GUILTY, and not about how to solve this problem ourselves.

After all, what is our life? Our life is our thoughts, our actions, our deeds and, as a result of all this, our happiness or unhappiness!

When we look for the culprit, we usually find it. But this does not change the situation. Ask yourself a question: why am I looking for someone to blame, and why do I want to prove to a person that HE IS GUILTY? What will this give me? Where will this take me? By answering honestly, you will understand the meaninglessness of your actions and realize that you are simply living your life in vain.

Why waste your precious time trying to prove that someone is at fault and not you?
Accusations do not change our lives; more often they become even worse, and we again continue to blame and complain. Wouldn't it be better to take responsibility and ask yourself some open-ended, forward-looking questions? Here are some of them:

How COULD I attract this situation?
How CAN I stop this?
How CAN I change this?
What does this situation teach ME?
Why was it given to ME?

Why don't you ask yourself such questions?

I understand, because by answering this question, you will see WHO is really responsible for your life. By blaming others, by taking offense at others, by proving something to someone, you are going nowhere! After all, everything that surrounds you now was created by you yourself. The root cause of problems is YOU! Admit it. Even if it is very difficult to do, take responsibility for your problems!

What can you change to make it better?
If you are unhappy with your
life - change your actions!
Unknown author

Sit in a calm environment, concentrate and answer yourself the question:

- Where am I going?
- What do I want?
- What kind of relationship do I want?
- How can I achieve this?
- What am I doing wrong?
- What are you willing to do to improve your life?
- How would you like to live further?

1. Answer the questions honestly, be honest with yourself.
2. Make a plan for yourself to improve the situation now.
3. Take small steps now. Call and make peace with your friend/brother, make an appointment with the doctor.
4. Write a list of things you have been wanting to do for a long time. Read a book. Talk to your family, listen to them.

I am sure that any problem can be solved with open questions, honest answers and sincere actions!

The most important thing is that after reading the article, do not close the tab and calmly go on complaining, but right now start DOING something to improve your life! Let it be small steps, centimeter by centimeter, but you will come to what you want. The most important thing is to START.

If you want, do 10 squats right now and spend the evening walking.

If you dream of a strong family, write right now what doesn’t suit you and what steps you can take today to change the situation in the family.

If you don't have enough money, start studying books about financial independence and building your new relationship with money bit by bit.

And so on for every question. Before you do anything, ask yourself, how does this action bring me closer to my goals?

What if you don’t want to do this? Tired, bored, hard. So here is the answer to your question. If you really wanted to change your life, you would have moved mountains a long time ago!

True desire is a thousand possibilities, and reluctance is a thousand reasons!
And since everything suits you, then live, enjoying life, drinking beer in the evenings, lying on the couch in front of the TV. Scolding my husband and son, and not complaining about anything. Especially for life.

But it’s better to thank life for giving you the chance to live so many wonderful moments on earth!

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